Of Corvettes and Porsches

Several weeks ago, my friend Lorna shared with me that while still in her early 20's, she bought her dream car, a red Corvette.

Her dad helped her finance the purchase, but I was surprised nonetheless.

Though I've "wanted" a Porsche Carrera for over 20 years, I've never really been serious about buying one. I've never even test-driven one, unless you count the time I drove around the block of the car dealership several times before losing my nerve.

You may be thinking, of course you didn't buy it -- Porsches are a luxury car and they aren't exactly kid-friendly.

But, you know what?

There were several years of Wall Street bonuses, and no children until my mid-30s.

And I didn't buy one.

I wonder why.

Lorna offhandedly said something which I think is quite important.

"I looked really good then."

There are many possible takeaways from her comment, and by the way, she continues to look fabulous, actually more fabulous now, because of who she is.

But my key takeaway was this.

Lorna bought a Corvette.

Because Lorna believed she deserved to own a Corvette.

Because Lorna (as did her father) believed she was Rachel.

For some, not all, no matter how successful we become, we occasionally have to remind ourselves that Leah needs to take a backseat.

When I buy my next car, will I buy a Porsche?

I don't yet know, but if Rachel has her way, I will.

Can you think of something that you really, really wanted to do, try or buy, and you did? How did you feel?

Is there something you want to do today that you haven't done? Why?

According to the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, a woman is considered feminine only when she is providing resources (time, money, praise) to someone else. How does this societal belief influence your decisions?

To what extent are we gatekeepers for our children's dreams? What would we need to do to fling open the gate?

Comments

[Elizabeth Harmer Dionne]

I agree with the larger point here, which is that there are times when it is positive (and even necessary for one's spiritual and psychological well-being) to acknowledge one's valid needs and stoke one's inner and outer wells.

But isn't the Corvette example capitulating to the consumer culture that says our self-worth is measured by what we own? (Not to mention that cars are horrible investments, and women invariably are in worse financial straits than men.) I confess that I am as materialistic as the next woman. I am also a good capitalist, but I have spent too much time in recent years studying how corporate America has succeeded in infantilizing us and steering our desires. It has made me very leery of supporting a luxury or consumer-oriented culture. Capitalism used to be about hard work, self-restraint, good investment, balancing personal reward with some sense of common good. Now it's about seeing how long we can keep everyone as adolescents, shaping and stoking their desires. It makes me very uncomfortable, and it causes me a lot of worry about our collective future. I think a lot of contemporary depression and anxiety stems from the sense that we have lost control of our own happiness, which is always an internal state of being, not external.

[Whitney Johnson]

Elizabeth --

I am so glad to hear your views; I absolutely agree that the media does a superb job of shaping our opinions and our desires.

In making the point of differentiating between how we view ourselves (Rachel vs. Leah), I thought about using a day at the spa, etc. but to my mind, the Corvette as a metaphor for making the point of do I believe that I am Rachel or not seemed to me just perfect.

Thank you again for weighing in -- I love how your mind works -- and as I've been studying the process of building sound theory, I'm learning that detecting anomalies is key.

My best,

Whitney