Truthtellers

In the YA novel Queen’s Own Fool, a fictional account of the life of Mary, Queen of Scots, written by Jane Yolen and Robert J. Harris, Queen Mary brings Nicola into her service, saying, “You have only one duty, Nicola, and that is to be yourself.  Be honest at all times, even when everyone else is telling me only what he/she thinks I should hear. You must remind me ‘Remember, thou art but mortal.’ You will be surprised at how difficult it is to do as I ask, but it is all I want.” Like Queen Mary, we all need a person whose job it is to tell us the truth, and for whom there will be no recrimination for doing so.

My accountant Carol Sanchez recently said to me, it’s time for to you to take more ownership of your money.  Yes, a person can hire some of these tasks out, like bookkeeping, but you personally need to stay on top of this, just as you do your business finances. She's right. I may delegate pieces of this, but owning my power, which includes "owning that I earn money", is essential to dreaming.

I have several dear friends who are truth-tellers.  They tell me when I am being self-indulgent and self-absorbed; they also say tell me when I am discounting myself.  They become the dearer for this because I know I can trust them.

My most important truth-teller is my husband. I'll tell him my interpretation of events and he’s more than willing to tell me my take might not be quite right. Have you considered that X, Y or Z, might also be true?  I've even gotten pretty good at not getting peevish when he makes these observations. And who among us has not been told the truest truths by our children?

As we dream, we have blind spots.  Our blind sides can be deadly. 

We need people who will speak to us the truth.

Who are your truth-tellers?

How have they helped you as you achieve your dreams?  Telling you when you are off the mark whether you are vastly overestimating -- and especially underestimating -- yourself? 

Comments

[Kirsten]

Whitney~ I just stumbled across your blog yesterday as I was "Goggling" information about starting my own fabric shop. I subscribed to your blog immediately. Thank you for this precious nugget of wisdom today. I really needed to hear that little nudge about find our "truthtellers." I look forward to reading more.

With joy~
Kirsten

[Susan Alexander]

What a great post, Whitney.

My 12 year old daughter is becoming one of my best truth-tellers. Seemingly out of nowhere, she recently said, "Mommy, you need to open up and show the world who you really are."

Dead on at 12 years old. More truth, better articulated, could not have come from the most perceptive, accomplished Ph.D.

I think I've long been a good self-truth teller. I suppose it comes from years of practicing law (which I've commented about here before). I'm trained to be able to argue both sides of the issue (and pretty practiced at doing so). I try to remember to apply this skill to my own issues.

My reptilian brain (aka my "gut") tells me when I've done well, when I haven't, and when I could have done better. It also tells me when my take on something is solid and when it's not. My rational brain has to catch up sometimes. After all, it's my rational brain, so it's good at rationalizing.

I especially love the quote you tweeted recently - the one about 90% of the problems involving someone who believes he's 100% right. It's hard to even think of examples when someone is 100% right about something. Especially when it comes to ourselves. So often, we don't have all the relevant information, and we make assumptions that need fixing. And then there are things like cognitive bias that come into play. Having opinions and beliefs is pretty complicated, when you think about it.

I've read that women shouldn't begin their sentences with "I think." I disagree. When people, men or women, in business settings or otherwise, constantly interject purported truths (i.e. purported 100 per cents), they give the impression (to me, anyway) that they think they know everything and have it all figured out. When none of us can.

The people who are most credible and competent, as I see it, are those who are always learning and aren't afraid to give that impression. And they're the ones who ask the best questions.

Take the great psychologist Martin Seligman. He recently rethought much of the theory he's held for years, for which he became known throughout the world. His most recent book, Flourish, contains his new theory. Soon after the book came out, I heard him speak. I noticed right away that he doesn't give the impression that he has it all figured out. And he's an expert, in the truest sense of the word.

So should any of us hold ourselves as all-knowing, even in our chosen niches? I think not.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on your great post. Thank you!

Susan

[Erik]

I love the idea of truth tellers, and the fact that it can/should work both ways: ground us, and help us reach for the stars. Great post, Whitney!

[Lisle]

Thank you! We should all be so lucky as to have truthtellers in our lives, and ones who care about us, too.