dare to dream

Artist My 'I' Likes: Jane Maxwell

My friend Liz and I discovered the artist Jane Maxwell at an art gallery in Boston a few summers ago.

Some of you are going to love her work as much as I do. Which means that when I'm ready to buy a piece the price will be even higher.

But I just wanted to share.

Of my favorites, the first is 'Walking Girls'.

'Pick your Fruit' reminds me of of a photo I have of my mother who modeled in San Francisco in the early 1960's; I also remember going to orchards to pick apricots with her as a child.

Though I've read Ms. Maxwell's statement, her work has a slightly different meaning for me (as it well may for you). I see a both/and -- the connecting and caring that is symbolized by the fruit labels/the farmer's market -- and the 'I or identity piece of ourselves that I see in the stance of the women -- at least in the images that I like.

Bottom line -- I'm not quite sure why I love her artwork so much.

Isn't it usually that way?

We discover art, we love it, and only later we come to see how the art has named for us something that we somehow couldn't.

What is your response?

Do you like, dislike, love, hate -- or are you indifferent to her work?

What meaning do you make?

Related posts:

Blog I Like: Portabellopixie
Affirming our 'I'dentity
Farmer's market metaphor
Dreaming or deflecting?

Scribble Press: Helping our children tell their story

When I was in Mexico last month, my friend David Luhnow told me about his sister-in-law Anna's store Scribble Press, a place where children can write, illustrate and publish their very own books.

Why was I so taken by their concept?

Because Scribble Press helps us help our children move to the center of their story.

To dream, not deflect -- to be the hero.

For example, Anna shared with me that several children had recently made meaning of their adoption by writing and illustrating books that were then bound before their eyes.

What events do your children need to make meaning of?

What do you need to make meaning of?

If you are going to be in Los Angeles this summer, and want to encourage your children to be the hero of their story, then run, don't walk, to Scribble Press.

In the meantime, take a moment to go to kirtsy and click through on the link Scribbling our children's way to self-esteem. I can't think of a better way to say Atta Girls -- Darcy and Anna!

Related posts:
NY Times: This is if your life (And how you tell it)
Dreaming or deflecting?
Children and the call to adventure
Soundtracks: Finding our voice, telling our story
It takes courage to tell our stories

Blog I Like: Portabellopixie

I can't get enough of Sandi Henderson's new line of Farmers Market fabric; I keep going back and back and back.

Is it because she's telling a story with her fabric? A story of spring, summer and fall, of gracefully blending these seasons of our lives while appreciating women in seasons not our own.

Maybe because Sandi's story is so mouth-watering, many will add their story to hers, as they fashion clothing, pillows, quilts?

Or perhaps it's because there is no market quite like a farmer's market.

When we buy fresh fruits and vegetables, something deep inside of us knows that they are given to us by a Creator; that these delicious apples, cherries, apricots and plums aren't just for us, but will sustain, and most likely be eaten with, our loved ones; that we are not the center of everything, but a part -- that we are connected.

How do you feel when you go to a farmer's market?

Would you agree that for us to experience systergy we need to feel bounty, just as we do at the farmer's market?

Have you ever gone and picked fruit? I have childhood memories of picking apricots off of Blossom Hill Road in San Jose. Have you taken the young children in your life to pick fruit?

If you know of someone who has made a quilt/wall hanging with Sandi's fabric -- will you point me in their direction so I can buy one? SERIOUSLY! What an inspiration to have her art combined with your art on the wall in my home!

Related posts:
Farmer's market metaphor
Blog I like: Hellomynameisheather
Of pineapples and friendship
The sweetness of systergy
Fielding a 'dare to dream' team

Will kirtsy please take a bow?

Within days of writing about Rick Riordan's Golden Fleece, I heard from Gabrielle, one of sk*rt's founders (aka Design Mom), that sk*rt could be sued for alleged trademark infringement, and would need to spend a lot of money on a legal battle royale, or change their name.

In Gabrielle's words:

Last September, Skirt! Magazine (a free monthly newspaper in the SouthEast) switched their domain name from skirtmag.com to skirt.com. Months and months after we’d already launched. And now that they’re at skirt.com, they feel our twinner domain names are too similar. So they sued us in December. And we won. But they keep the lawsuit threats coming anyway. So, we have decided to change our name and move on. Why fight an enormous corporation with deep pockets and a penchant for sueing tiny companies? And. We don’t believe in skirts fighting. The end.

So this past week, sk*rt changed its name to kirtsy, and the process by which it was done has been remarkably systergistic.

Quoting again from Gabrielle:

[kirtsy is] a name that many many many voted for. A name whose solid domain we own. A name that won all legal obstacle courses with flying colors. A name that contains the letters of our beloved sk*rt and its sk*rty adjectival format. A name that means giving greeting, nods, props and respect to something. A name that we now know as kirtsy.

Having recently met kirtsy's Gabrielle, Laura and Laurie, I wasn't at all surprised by the approach they've taken.

I was nonetheless impressed by their textbook 'fleece gathering', the second of Psyche's four tasks.

As Psyche embarks on her journey to really grow up, her second task requires that she gather fleece, fleece that has the power to heal. And yet to obtain the fleece she must wait until sundown when the rams disperse so as to safely pick strands of fleece off the brambles, else she will be crushed by the head-butting rams.

Psyche’s ability to acquire the golden fleece without being crushed is a metaphor for every woman’s task of gaining power without losing her innate sense of connectedness and compassion.

The kirtsy ladies could could have engaged in head-butting, and in fact were encouraged to, but instead chose to gather the fleece from the brambles, to get things done in a way that gives life to and revitalizes others. 

Which is why I can't help but kirtsy to you -- Gabrielle, Laura and Laurie.

Won't you please take a bow?

If you have a blog, or website, have you properly trademarked the name? If you need me to refer you to someone that can do this for you, e-mail me and I'll give you some names.

Did you notice that notwithstanding their getting the name trademarked, etc, even so there was a lawsuit. One of the hazards of getting in the game perhaps?

What can we learn about how the kirtsy founders went about choosing a new name? Did you notice how in involving the community, they gave us an opportunity to rally, to experience systergy?

What else is there to learn from the kirtsy -- aka Psyche -- way of doing business?

P.S. For more on the importance of -- and how to - on trademarking, see Green and Clean Mom's post on this topic.

Related posts:
Rick Riordan's 'Golden Fleece'
Myth of Psyche
Second thoughts on Psyche's 2nd task
The hazards of 'getting in the game'
Site I like: kirtsy (formerly known as sk*rt)

Six Quirky Things

Barbara Torris of At Home in the World has tagged me. Barbara is in her 60's and is seemingly learning and living more than ever. She is a great example to me.

I'm not quite sure how Six Quirky Things falls under the rubric of 'dare to dream', except that having been tagged, and then responding, is systergistic, isn't it? And are quirky things really unimportant? Aren't they part of what makes us who we are?

Here goes:

1) One of my friends once said to me, "whenever someone tells you about their dream, you are like one of Pavlov's dogs." It's true. I nearly salivate when people I love and like tell me about what they dream of doing. Even more fun is helping them accomplish that dream.

2) My driving when another person is in the car is problematic because I focus on the person not the road. The only reason my parents didn't take away my drivers license after six rear-enders during my senior year of high school was it would have been too inconvenient for them.

3) Cooking is not my thing. If I do cook, all the dishes need to be washed first (so that I can get everything dirty again). BUT there is an exception. Chocolate chip cookies. I love to bake and eat chocolate chip cookies.

4) Daring my husband to dream isn't so easy. Possibly because as Tolstoy said (paraphrasing) when it comes to a marriage we don't know where one ends and the other begins. And I am definitely much better at helping others with their dreams than helping myself with my own.

5) Every morning before I get out of bed, I check messages on my Blackberry. I know, I know... but it helps me wake up.

6) Playing the piano when I'm alone is not fun at all, but playing for the children aged 2-11 at church every Sunday is, even though the songs are really simple.

7) And for the bonus -- my husband tells me I say 'terrific' quite often -- which he actually likes, but I suppose that is a bit quirky.

As for the TAGEES, I have chosen people that I've met only virtually, and whose blogs I read regularly.

Dana's Design Studio -- I love Dana's approach to design, and especially to life. I like her so much, she's my co-blogger on Know Your Neighbor.

The Hero Workshop -- Matt was the first blogger to reach out to me (thank you!); his work on heros continues to enlighten and the curriculum he's developing to teach children to see themselves as heros is a terrific idea.

Life as a hero -- Having just discovered Beth, I look forward to her thoughtful writings on seeing ourselves as the hero of our lives.

The Happy Living Blog -- I love how Erinn wants for our physical space to enhance our lives and to represent who we are. Check out her bibliography; I really want to read the books she recommends.

Melanie Mauer Photography -- Melanie's photographs are just lovely, her blog is the blogosphere equivalent of baking and eating a chocolate chip cookie.

Swallowfield -- I bought one of Jennifer's prints to give as a Christmas present to one of my dear friends. That's how much I love Jennifer's artwork. She is a real talent; can't wait to say someday that I bought her prints for only $18 way back when.

The Rules:

Link to the person that tagged you.

1. Post the rules on your blog.
2, Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
3. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
4. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Handicrafts for our hero's journey

Handicrafts foster a feeling of sisterhood among women. From quilting bees to craft blogs, I'm thrilled to be a part of the growing movement toward creative community. Heather Bailey

Every once in awhile I come across handicrafts and/or artwork in the blogosphere that make me so happy that I find myself returning again and again, encouraged to dare and to dream.

May I share three with you?

Ashley G
Ashley's Off I Go evokes the start of a hero's journey -- to become who we are, we must go where we haven't been.

Photo courtesy of Ashley Goldberg

Heather Bailey
Heather's studio symbolically reminds us that we need to create a physical space, if only a small corner of our world, devoted to daring and dreaming.

Photo courtesy of Heather Bailey

Jennifer Judd-McGee
When I look at Jennifer's Little Boxes, I see a metaphor for systergy. Systergy is fully operative when we are willing to look for and grab on to our selves (as represented by the individual homes) AND to share our selves with one another (the patchwork quilt which binds the homes together).

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Judd-McGee

How did you feel when you saw this artwork?

Which handicraft blogs inspire you to dream, to imagine and explore?

Will you share them with us?

Mentoring for a moment

In late August, lovely Barbara Torris responded to my question -- "Who are your heros?".

Imagine her surprise when, last week, one of her heros, Russell Kirsch, the man who invented the square pixel in cameras, and taught computers how to "see", called to thank Barbara for her blog.

There was something quite wonderful about their interchange, but I can't quite figure out what -- will you think with me for a moment?

When Barbara wrote about Russell Kirsch, wasn't she giving a gift of her self?

Is there someone that you admire -- that is very much your hero -- to whom you can say thank you?

Whether the person responds or not, in our expression of thanks, we not only clarify what we value, our gratitude reminds us that we are not the center of everything, but a part; that we are connected. (Note: though Peggy Noonan didn't respond to my 'fan mail' two years ago, in setting forth what I admired about her, I clarified how I aspire to be.)

When Russell Kirsch responded to Barbara Torris, wasn't he receiving her gift?

Who admires you? Someone you know well, not at all, younger (probably), the children in your life? Anything you can do to receive this gift freely given?

Gift given, gift received.

Yes, yes, but it feels like there is something more....

In the Identifying my heros entry, I posed the question, "given that my childhood heros (Samantha Stevens, UCLA cheerleaders) have shaped who I've become, is it possible that my current heros (e.g. Peggy Noonan, Laura Laviada) can shape who I will yet become?"

If this is indeed true, then isn't it also true that when Russell Kirsch responded to Barbara Torris, he increased the odds that she will become what she aspires to be?

And finally, when we respond to someone who admires us -- aren't we actually saying that we see something magnificent in her that she can’t yet see, and that we are here, in this moment, to be her see-er until she can be her own?

I'm not a betting woman, but I sure do like these odds.

Whose hero are you?

Will you mentor her for a moment?

My friend Lana Grover has likened systergy to the experience we have at a farmer's market.

As shown in these beautiful images, courtesy of Tableau Vivante, fresh fruits and vegetables and homemade goods are bought and sold. There is bounty, there is exchange, there is a personal touch that is nurturing; there is community.

But isn't there bounty, exchange, a personal touch at a flea market, an antique market, at Nordstrom?

Just looking at these images tells me it's not the same.

And after several days of thought, I think I know why.

With the release of the film An Inconvenient Truth, going green/being green have become household words, part of our mainstream culture.

And I will confess there are times when this movement seems all too conveniently impersonal -- save the planet, save the forests, save the animals -- even as I have become much more conscientious about recycling.

But when I read Bill McKibben's words (thanks to Mary Pipher), "The emergent science of ecology is easily summed up: Everything is connected. But interconnection is anathema to a consumer notion of the world, where each of us is useful precisely to the degree that we consider ourselves the center of everything."

I had an a-ha moment.

For many people, environmental concerns moving mainstream aren't about the environment per se, they are about people feeling disconnected. We don't know that we feel this way, but I believe we do. And because we don't know what to do to make it better -- we look for something tangible, concrete to help us re-connect -- like save a tree.

Which is why a farmer's market nourishes us in ways that other markets can't.

Because when we buy fresh fruits and vegetables, something deep inside of us knows that they are given to us by a Creator. We also know that these delicious peaches, cherries, apricots and plums aren't just for us, but will sustain, and most likely be eaten with, our loved ones.

In other words, a farmer's market reminds us that we are not the center of everything, but we are a part, that we are connected.

What comforting food.

What are your thoughts?

Do you agree with my premise about the linkage between the environment and our relationships?

Do you agree that a farmer's market is a metaphor for systergy? Why? Why not?

When was the last time you experienced systergy?

There is so much to glean from Joseph Newfield's site 'be neighborly'.

Drawing on his advertising background, and love of architecture, Joseph makes three key points related to "websites that work", all of which are relevant to dare to dream.

1) Be a part of something

The success of buildings, and websites, depends on how well they enable people to do things. In both instances, this is a function of how connected they are to other buildings, systems or sites; how integrated they are into the fabric of the community.

Isn't this another way of saying, we only really dream when we are together? And three cheers for systergy, oxytocin, and ladies who lunch?

More specifically, my thanks to Melanie Mauer and Jaime Young, for their reaching out to me this past week. When you visit their sites, observe how Melanie tells stories through her photography, Jaime through digital scrapbooking.

2) Tell stories

Stories matter because that's how we experience life: not as discrete tasks but as experiences, moments that add up to a larger whole. Yet many websites offer a litany of tasks and tools without any context, without any seeming contemplation of the arc of their audience's story.

Shutterfly was, until recently, a great example of [what not to do]. Personal photography is a means of self-expression, and if we do it well many of us would like recognition. Yet visitors to Shutterfly [were] greeted with products and seasonal specials. It [was] as passive as a piece of direct mail, barely participating in customer's lives.

In other words, seeing our life as a story is key to making meaning of our own lives, and helping those we love make meaning of theirs.

3. Don't just sit there looking pretty.

For years I've perused books, magazines, and websites devoted to all types of design, architecture, photography and found myself unsettled by the beautiful work being celebrated there, work that is is neither relevant nor moving.

[In contrast], craigslist is merely words with the occasional picture, but it's one of the most engaging websites ever. One visits again and again, for many different reasons, and is part of a new story every time.

Do you remember what my daughter seemed to be saying some months back when she refused to wear what I wanted her to wear? It's not about looking pretty and being pampered, it's about being, daring and dreaming...

What websites and blogs do you visit regularly? Who visits yours? Do you say hello, especially to those that visit you?

If you were a building or website, how would you describe your surrounding community? How integrated are you into its fabric?

Which sites/blogs help you tell your story?

We carry with us the wonders we seek without us. Sir Thomas Browne

Dream, dream, I want to dare, I want to dream, but how?

Good question, and TLC's I've Got Nothing to Wear offers some suggestions...

Figuratively, not literally, so stay with me.

In this six-part summer series, a professional stylist assigns the guest's clothing to one of two categories: salvageable and non-salvageable. The non-salvageables are sent to the "chop shop" where three designers have been assigned to cull, rip, redesign, and resew these items into fresh, fashionable pieces (e.g. an outdated pair of slacks might become an evening gown). In the meantime, the stylist shops with the guest for 4-5 classic items to complement the salvaged clothing. When the stylist creates a "look book" which shows the student how to mix and match the salvaged clothes, the newly-purchased classics, and the revamped pieces, the wardrobe refashion is complete.

I'm not suggesting that each of us begin to personally redesign our clothing, though NikiShell's Wardrobe Refashion, as noted above, can help you do precisely that, but rather to propose that the premise of "I've Got Nothing to Wear" can help us think through what tools may be available to us as we dream.

Salvaged clothing, or clothing that is wearable today -- This is a metaphor for our strengths. Just as the stylist helps identify clothing which works, we may need a see-er of our strengths until we see them. Howard Gardner and Laura Morgan Roberts' work are great resources.

What are your strengths? What about you is magnificent that you don't see, but others do?

Newly-bought classic items -- Think new skills and competencies. Just as the student's wardrobe needs a few new classic pieces, we may need to acquire a new skill to achieve our dream.

What skill can you learn in a matter of days, maybe even hours, that would move you closer to your dream?

Revamped or refashioned clothing -- Consider the importance of repurposing strengths that once "fit and were in style" and no longer are. Just as each of us have clothes that we love, possibly inherited from our grandmother or mother that no longer fit us or who we are, we also have strengths, ones that may have even gotten us through tough times, that no longer serve us.

What skills or competencies no longer fit? If you sent them to the chop-shop for a repurpose, what fabulous new something about your self might you discover?

It was quite wrenching for me to cancel plans with a friend this past Friday evening, not only because I wanted to spend time with her, but because I struggle to say no.

But, the fact is, I needed to be by myself.

When I was constantly on the road, I got homesick, and was often physically exhausted, but alone time was plentiful what will all my hours spent in airports, planes, hotels.

Nowadays it isn't.

And so every once in awhile, I cancel plans at the last minute. Which isn't fun or fair to anyone. If only I would write "alone time" on the calendar, and hold that time sacrosanct.

I just don't how to do this yet without being clumsy, awkward.

But I intend to learn.

Source: Ashley Goldberg's Hiding Spot - Etsy Shop

Said Anne Morrow Lindbergh, If women were convinced that a day off or an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would find a way of attaining it. As it is, they feel so unjustified in their demand that they rarely make the attempt. One has only to look at those women who actually have the economic means or the time and energy for solitude yet do not use it, to realize that the problem is not solely economic. It is more a question of inner convictions than of outer pressures, though, of course, the outer pressure are there and make it more difficult...

How inexplicable it seems. Anything else will be accepted as a better excuse. If one sets aside time for a business appointment, a trip to the hairdresser, a social engagement, that time is accepted as inviolable. But if one says: I cannot come because that is my hour to be alone, one is considered rude...and has to apologize for it.

Lindbergh continues, and this is what I hope you will remember:

When one is alone...[is] among the most important times in one's life. Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone. The artist knows [she] must be alone to create; the writer, to work out [her] thoughts; the musician, to compose; the saint, to pray. [And] women need solitude to find again the true essence of themselves: that firm strand which will be the indispensable center of a whole web of human relationships.

Do you have some alone time scheduled today? This week? This month?

Will you use that time to dream? To discover your self?

The ability to see our life as a comprehensible story is a key to our happiness. Robert Atkinson

It has been said by a number of psychologists who study recovery from trauma that mourning without empathy leads to madness, and that the person who suffers loss must be able to give testimony to someone as a way of working-through and learning from this loss.

We often think of loss of a marriage or a loved one, but there is also the loss of a friend, our spry young bodies, or lost opportunities that need to be acknowledged. We often don’t give voice to these losses because we think they aren’t big enough to mourn.

But they are.

As we give voice to these experiences, whether through words, scrapbooking, painting, song, or other expression, we will experience the catharsis that comes with giving testimony, and our experience gains power, and can influence people's lives, whether the women with whom we are daring to dream, or our daughters.

Thank you to Ashley Goldberg for sharing her artwork with us.

Her work had such meaning for me, I bought two of her prints: Storytime and another which I will share at a later date.

What story of yours is waiting to be told?

What medium will you use?

There's about to be a terrific new space for women's voices.

Yes, there are some fabulous women's blogs out there. In fact, more than half of the blogs featured by Typepad during the month of May were blog-hers.

However, when it comes to social media platforms (just think "virtual watercoolers"), for those of you that have visited digg, if you're anything like me, you not only didn't dig digg, you ditched it.

Take a look.

The categories (Technology, Science, World and Business, Sports, Entertainment, and Gaming) are just not my idea of fun watercooler talk, especially when it's 10pm and the kids have just gone to bed.

Now take a look at kirtsy's categories: Around the house: Fashion; Entertainment; Out and About; Mind, Body, Spirit; World Wise: Parenting; Food; Arts, Crafts, Design.

I don't typically like to kirtsy to the issues, but with this site I'll make an exception.

As the founders (all women -- even better from the standpoint of finding our voices) describe it, "sk*rt is the place to find and/or link to anything and everything on the Web that you'd like to share with other women."

That's my kind of watercooler talk!

Is it yours?

I have another terrific blog to share with you:  HELLOmynameisHeather!

1.   Heather's fabric designs are exquisite and happy. 

I believe that looking at beautiful objects, whether fabric, paintings, or flower beds, coaxes us into a 'dare to dream' frame of mind.

2.   Because Heather has gifts that I don't have -- apparel design, styling, photography -- I don't even begin to go to the place of anti-bounty.  I just feel delight when I look at her work. 

We can only be systergistic, helping one another as we dare to dream, when we appreciate others' competencies, as well as our own.

3.   Heather's work inspires me to create.  In 4th grade, I learned how to sew.  I loved buying fabric at San Jose's Pruneyard Mall, and in the succeeding days rushing home from school to sew.  What a sense of satisfaction I derived from making something and wearing it:  I still remember the first thing I made -- a sailor dress out of blue denim kettle cloth.  I wore it on the first day of 5th grade. 

Because I was so captivated by Heather's blog, I can't help but wonder if what I see there is tapping into something more profound than looking at beautiful fabric.  Could it be that her work is a tangible reminder to me (to us?) of how much joy we can have as we create -- whether it's an object, an event, or our lives.

What kinds of things do you do to put you in the frame of mind to dream?

What did you love to do as a child?   Are you still doing it?  If you aren't, what about that activity did you love?  Is is transferable?

Could this cherished childhood activity provide any clues about what you dream of doing?

Is there a website or blog that inspires you to dare to dream?  What is it?

P.S.  Thank you to Macy Robison for introducing me to Heather Bailey's work, and to Typepad Featured blog for the re-introduction.

Today I discovered Gretchen Rubin's blog The Happiness Project. I found it to be inspiring, a go-to place on those days when we aren't quite up to dreaming. I was also delighted to find another woman's voice: when we hear women speak who have found their voices, we can more readily find ours.

Below are just a few highlights:

In her Seven tips to make you happier in the next hour, I especially liked the two that involved systergy:

1) Reach out to a friend -- make a phone call, set a lunch date. Three cheers for oxytocin ladies!

2) Do a good deed -- connect two people that you think would enjoy knowing one another, or shoot off an e-mail of gratifying praise.

Another highlight is her entry Feeling underappreciated? that encourages us to stop seeking for external validation, and to validate ourselves. One of the reasons women are starved for validation is because early on we were always asked to give it away. Remember the Sara Rimer article For girls it's be yourself, and be perfect too.

The question now is -- if we weren't pampered and affirmed then, will we find ways to pamper and affirm ourselves now?

When we do, we will open the door to our dreaming.

And discovering more of who we are.

If you do like The Happiness Project, why not send Gretchen an e-mail right now and tell her?

Do you find, as I do, that it really is easier to find your voice when you can read women who have found theirs?

Farmer's market metaphor

My friend Lana Grover has likened systergy to the experience we have at a farmer's market.

As shown in these beautiful images, courtesy of Tableau Vivante, fresh fruits and vegetables and homemade goods are bought and sold. There is bounty, there is exchange, there is a personal touch that is nurturing; there is community.

But isn't there bounty, exchange, a personal touch at a flea market, an antique market, at Nordstrom?

Just looking at these images tells me it's not the same.

And after several days of thought, I think I know why.

With the release of the film An Inconvenient Truth, going green/being green have become household words, part of our mainstream culture.

And I will confess there are times when this movement seems all too conveniently impersonal -- save the planet, save the forests, save the animals -- even as I have become much more conscientious about recycling.

But when I read Bill McKibben's words (thanks to Mary Pipher), "The emergent science of ecology is easily summed up: Everything is connected. But interconnection is anathema to a consumer notion of the world, where each of us is useful precisely to the degree that we consider ourselves the center of everything."

I had an a-ha moment.

For many people, environmental concerns moving mainstream aren't about the environment per se, they are about people feeling disconnected. We don't know that we feel this way, but I believe we do. And because we don't know what to do to make it better -- we look for something tangible, concrete to help us re-connect -- like save a tree.

Which is why a farmer's market nourishes us in ways that other markets can't.

Because when we buy fresh fruits and vegetables, something deep inside of us knows that they are given to us by a Creator. We also know that these delicious peaches, cherries, apricots and plums aren't just for us, but will sustain, and most likely be eaten with, our loved ones.

In other words, a farmer's market reminds us that we are not the center of everything, but we are a part, that we are connected.

What comforting food.

What are your thoughts?

Do you agree with my premise about the linkage between the environment and our relationships?

Do you agree that a farmer's market is a metaphor for systergy? Why? Why not?

When was the last time you experienced systergy?

Site I Like: be neighborly

There is so much to glean from Joseph Newfield's site 'be neighborly'.

Drawing on his advertising background, and love of architecture, Joseph makes three key points related to "websites that work", all of which are relevant to dare to dream.

1) Be a part of something

The success of buildings, and websites, depends on how well they enable people to do things. In both instances, this is a function of how connected they are to other buildings, systems or sites; how integrated they are into the fabric of the community.

Isn't this another way of saying, we only really dream when we are together? And three cheers for systergy, oxytocin, and ladies who lunch?

More specifically, my thanks to Melanie Mauer and Jaime Young, for their reaching out to me this past week. When you visit their sites, observe how Melanie tells stories through her photography, Jaime through digital scrapbooking.

2) Tell stories

Stories matter because that's how we experience life: not as discrete tasks but as experiences, moments that add up to a larger whole. Yet many websites offer a litany of tasks and tools without any context, without any seeming contemplation of the arc of their audience's story.

Shutterfly was, until recently, a great example of [what not to do]. Personal photography is a means of self-expression, and if we do it well many of us would like recognition. Yet visitors to Shutterfly [were] greeted with products and seasonal specials. It [was] as passive as a piece of direct mail, barely participating in customer's lives.

In other words, seeing our life as a story is key to making meaning of our own lives, and helping those we love make meaning of theirs.

3. Don't just sit there looking pretty.

For years I've perused books, magazines, and websites devoted to all types of design, architecture, photography and found myself unsettled by the beautiful work being celebrated there, work that is is neither relevant nor moving.

[In contrast], craigslist is merely words with the occasional picture, but it's one of the most engaging websites ever. One visits again and again, for many different reasons, and is part of a new story every time.

Do you remember what my daughter seemed to be saying some months back when she refused to wear what I wanted her to wear? It's not about looking pretty and being pampered, it's about being, daring and dreaming...

What websites and blogs do you visit regularly? Who visits yours? Do you say hello, especially to those that visit you?

If you were a building or website, how would you describe your surrounding community? How integrated are you into its fabric?

Which sites/blogs help you tell your story?

What we can learn from TLC's "I've Got Nothing to Wear"

We carry with us the wonders we seek without us. Sir Thomas Browne

Dream, dream, I want to dare, I want to dream, but how?

Good question, and TLC's I've Got Nothing to Wear offers some suggestions...

Figuratively, not literally, so stay with me.

In this six-part summer series, a professional stylist assigns the guest's clothing to one of two categories: salvageable and non-salvageable. The non-salvageables are sent to the "chop shop" where three designers have been assigned to cull, rip, redesign, and resew these items into fresh, fashionable pieces (e.g. an outdated pair of slacks might become an evening gown). In the meantime, the stylist shops with the guest for 4-5 classic items to complement the salvaged clothing. When the stylist creates a "look book" which shows the student how to mix and match the salvaged clothes, the newly-purchased classics, and the revamped pieces, the wardrobe refashion is complete.

I'm not suggesting that each of us begin to personally redesign our clothing, though NikiShell's Wardrobe Refashion, as noted above, can help you do precisely that, but rather to propose that the premise of "I've Got Nothing to Wear" can help us think through what tools may be available to us as we dream.

Salvaged clothing, or clothing that is wearable today -- This is a metaphor for our strengths. Just as the stylist helps identify clothing which works, we may need a see-er of our strengths until we see them. Howard Gardner and Laura Morgan Roberts' work are great resources.

What are your strengths? What about you is magnificent that you don't see, but others do?

Newly-bought classic items -- Think new skills and competencies. Just as the student's wardrobe needs a few new classic pieces, we may need to acquire a new skill to achieve our dream.

What skill can you learn in a matter of days, maybe even hours, that would move you closer to your dream?

Revamped or refashioned clothing -- Consider the importance of repurposing strengths that once "fit and were in style" and no longer are. Just as each of us have clothes that we love, possibly inherited from our grandmother or mother that no longer fit us or who we are, we also have strengths, ones that may have even gotten us through tough times, that no longer serve us.

What skills or competencies no longer fit? If you sent them to the chop-shop for a repurpose, what fabulous new something about your self might you discover?

Words to dream by: Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It was quite wrenching for me to cancel plans with a friend this past Friday evening, not only because I wanted to spend time with her, but because I struggle to say no.

But, the fact is, I needed to be by myself.

When I was constantly on the road, I got homesick, and was often physically exhausted, but alone time was plentiful what will all my hours spent in airports, planes, hotels.

Nowadays it isn't.

And so every once in awhile, I cancel plans at the last minute. Which isn't fun or fair to anyone. If only I would write "alone time" on the calendar, and hold that time sacrosanct.

I just don't how to do this yet without being clumsy, awkward.

But I intend to learn.

Source: Ashley Goldberg's Hiding Spot - Etsy Shop

Said Anne Morrow Lindbergh, If women were convinced that a day off or an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would find a way of attaining it. As it is, they feel so unjustified in their demand that they rarely make the attempt. One has only to look at those women who actually have the economic means or the time and energy for solitude yet do not use it, to realize that the problem is not solely economic. It is more a question of inner convictions than of outer pressures, though, of course, the outer pressure are there and make it more difficult...

How inexplicable it seems. Anything else will be accepted as a better excuse. If one sets aside time for a business appointment, a trip to the hairdresser, a social engagement, that time is accepted as inviolable. But if one says: I cannot come because that is my hour to be alone, one is considered rude...and has to apologize for it.

Lindbergh continues, and this is what I hope you will remember:

When one is alone...[is] among the most important times in one's life. Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone. The artist knows [she] must be alone to create; the writer, to work out [her] thoughts; the musician, to compose; the saint, to pray. [And] women need solitude to find again the true essence of themselves: that firm strand which will be the indispensable center of a whole web of human relationships.

Do you have some alone time scheduled today? This week? This month?

Will you use that time to dream? To discover your self?

Storytime by Ashley Goldberg

The ability to see our life as a comprehensible story is a key to our happiness. Robert Atkinson

It has been said by a number of psychologists who study recovery from trauma that mourning without empathy leads to madness, and that the person who suffers loss must be able to give testimony to someone as a way of working-through and learning from this loss.

We often think of loss of a marriage or a loved one, but there is also the loss of a friend, our spry young bodies, or lost opportunities that need to be acknowledged. We often don’t give voice to these losses because we think they aren’t big enough to mourn.

But they are.

As we give voice to these experiences, whether through words, scrapbooking, painting, song, or other expression, we will experience the catharsis that comes with giving testimony, and our experience gains power, and can influence people's lives, whether the women with whom we are daring to dream, or our daughters.

Thank you to Ashley Goldberg for sharing her artwork with us.

Her work had such meaning for me, I bought two of her prints: Storytime and another which I will share at a later date.

What story of yours is waiting to be told?

What medium will you use?

Site I Like: kirtsy (formerly known as sk*rt)

There's about to be a terrific new space for women's voices.

Yes, there are some fabulous women's blogs out there. In fact, more than half of the blogs featured by Typepad during the month of May were blog-hers.

However, when it comes to social media platforms (just think "virtual watercoolers"), for those of you that have visited digg, if you're anything like me, you not only didn't dig digg, you ditched it.

Take a look.

The categories (Technology, Science, World and Business, Sports, Entertainment, and Gaming) are just not my idea of fun watercooler talk, especially when it's 10pm and the kids have just gone to bed.

Now take a look at kirtsy's categories: Around the house: Fashion; Entertainment; Out and About; Mind, Body, Spirit; World Wise: Parenting; Food; Arts, Crafts, Design.

I don't typically like to kirtsy to the issues, but with this site I'll make an exception.

As the founders (all women -- even better from the standpoint of finding our voices) describe it, "sk*rt is the place to find and/or link to anything and everything on the Web that you'd like to share with other women."

That's my kind of watercooler talk!

Is it yours?

Blog I Like: HELLOmynameisHeather

I have another terrific blog to share with you:  HELLOmynameisHeather!

1.   Heather's fabric designs are exquisite and happy. 

I believe that looking at beautiful objects, whether fabric, paintings, or flower beds, coaxes us into a 'dare to dream' frame of mind.

2.   Because Heather has gifts that I don't have -- apparel design, styling, photography -- I don't even begin to go to the place of anti-bounty.  I just feel delight when I look at her work. 

We can only be systergistic, helping one another as we dare to dream, when we appreciate others' competencies, as well as our own.

3.   Heather's work inspires me to create.  In 4th grade, I learned how to sew.  I loved buying fabric at San Jose's Pruneyard Mall, and in the succeeding days rushing home from school to sew.  What a sense of satisfaction I derived from making something and wearing it:  I still remember the first thing I made -- a sailor dress out of blue denim kettle cloth.  I wore it on the first day of 5th grade. 

Because I was so captivated by Heather's blog, I can't help but wonder if what I see there is tapping into something more profound than looking at beautiful fabric.  Could it be that her work is a tangible reminder to me (to us?) of how much joy we can have as we create -- whether it's an object, an event, or our lives.

What kinds of things do you do to put you in the frame of mind to dream?

What did you love to do as a child?   Are you still doing it?  If you aren't, what about that activity did you love?  Is is transferable?

Could this cherished childhood activity provide any clues about what you dream of doing?

Is there a website or blog that inspires you to dare to dream?  What is it?

P.S.  Thank you to Macy Robison for introducing me to Heather Bailey's work, and to Typepad Featured blog for the re-introduction.

Blog I Like: The Happiness Project

Today I discovered Gretchen Rubin's blog The Happiness Project. I found it to be inspiring, a go-to place on those days when we aren't quite up to dreaming. I was also delighted to find another woman's voice: when we hear women speak who have found their voices, we can more readily find ours.

Below are just a few highlights:

In her Seven tips to make you happier in the next hour, I especially liked the two that involved systergy:

1) Reach out to a friend -- make a phone call, set a lunch date. Three cheers for oxytocin ladies!

2) Do a good deed -- connect two people that you think would enjoy knowing one another, or shoot off an e-mail of gratifying praise.

Another highlight is her entry Feeling underappreciated? that encourages us to stop seeking for external validation, and to validate ourselves. One of the reasons women are starved for validation is because early on we were always asked to give it away. Remember the Sara Rimer article For girls it's be yourself, and be perfect too.

The question now is -- if we weren't pampered and affirmed then, will we find ways to pamper and affirm ourselves now?

When we do, we will open the door to our dreaming.

And discovering more of who we are.

If you do like The Happiness Project, why not send Gretchen an e-mail right now and tell her?

Do you find, as I do, that it really is easier to find your voice when you can read women who have found theirs?