July 06, 2008

'I'dea-licious: June 2008

Dear friends --

You are so very 'I'-dea-licious!   So many insights--- thank you!

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dare to dreamgirl:  Maria Carr
I love the process of learning and creating. When I am done with that I am ready to hand it off to someone else. That is why we need other eyes...to let us see what can come next what we can become.  Barbara Torris

Thank you Barbara.  If you are wondering, how do you become a 'dare to dreamgirl', there are really only two criteria:  1)  You need to do something 'big' for you -- and very out of your comfort zone; 2)  I need to have helped you, mentored you, encouraged you in your process.  So I guess that means there's a 3rd criteria -- you asked to be mentored (and we all know how tough it is to ask) - and I said yes.

Speaking of dare to dreamgirls, will you click the kirtsy button to the left and see what's happening with dare to dreamgirl Dana King.  She started her blog less than a year ago, a blog which has helped her find her voice, to hone her idea for the designHop club.  And now she's been written up in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.  Baby steps really can become giant steps. 

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An 'A' or an 'F' on the Galadriel Test?
There has been no mention of Bella's religious belief, so it is safe to say she is not Mormon, only the creator of the books is. So why should she have to make her characters in the book exactly like her. She has already commented that she would never put premarital sex in her books, so I don't understand your problem with it. Bella and Edward do not have sex, because Edward has some form of religion. He wants to get married first. Now, going into the fourth book, they are engaged, and are going to wait to try until after they are married. I guess I just don't understand your anger or issue with the books, or Stephenie Meyer.

Rosa, thank you for taking this on.   Were you to interview a large sample of Mormon women, I think you'd find this cohort both ambivalent and avid readers of her work.  But, BUT, as I wrote in a follow-up post, Et tu Whitney?, I see myself applying a double standard.  What's even more fascinating to me is that even as I sort through my ambivalence, I purchased Ms. Meyer's most recent book, The Host and have bought or recommended it to several others as well.  There is so much more to be said. Like you, I love Benzion Chinn's thoughtful analysis of Stephenie Meyer and Orson Card's work.  Bottom line -- I don't have this one figured out -- this seems to be a fairly fruitful discussion, so let's all keep talking.

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The allure of the pom-pom
We often want (because it's easier and more simple) to identify with one or the other -- and act accordingly to the expectations of that role. I wonder if the fluid and skillful movement between these "roles" (cheerleader and player) is what generates the energy needed to accomplish our work, whatever that may be.

As for the Twilight Series, Bella is loved because she exists - not because she does everything right, fulfills expectations, or has a great haircut. I believe that deep down this is what we all want -- to be loved for our very existence.

When we "work" to secure love and acceptance (whether through showing the nice parts of ourselves, saying what we think others want us to say, dutifully playing a role that may not be in line with our purpose, etc.), I wonder if we preclude ourselves from having what we really want -- to be loved simply because we are who we are.  Janna Taylor

We do want to be both -- don't we?  I strive so hard to have a both/and mindset, but seem to so often slip into either/or.  Janna, yours is the kind of insight, even systergy, that I think all bloggers hope for.  As we talk to one another, we both teach and are taught.

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As I recently read a number of your entries, I thought that the tone of your posts had moved a bit from the more (extended discussions of your thoughts, experiences) to the less personal (e.g. cheering on other people, etc.). I wondered whether this was deliberate or not.  Anonymous

Astute, dear friend.  Because cheering those I love makes so me so very happy, AND because self-introspection is sometimes tough particularly when I am trying to 'be in the game' and it sometimes feels like the score is 0-28 and I'm in the last two minutes, focusing on others is my more comfortable place.  However, because of my deep conviction that we need to learn to be cheerleader and player, nurturer and accomplisher, harbor and ship, my goal is to begin alternating between the two types of posts.  And yep -- you can hold me to it.

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Rachel and Leah:  Reclaiming our power to dream
Rachel may have been beautiful and favored.  But she was self centered--very; she thought only of her self.

Thank you Maggie.  I certainly didn't see this as a both/and when I first starting thinking about Rachel and Leah as a metaphor for ourselves.  Seeing the dark side of Rachel and light side of Leah has come with time which I've written about in my post Why I liked Wicked and to a lesser extent in Martha and Mary

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When we say No
I have to take a rain check on guest blogging. I have had some health and family 'stuff' come up all at the same time this past week and just can't put my heart and mind into as I should and as I want to...I am learning to prioritize, that is for sure...If in [a few months] you feel that it would still be pertinent to pick this up then I would be happy to refocus on it.  Anonymous friend of Whitney's

I was so impressed when I received this e-mail.  She said 'yes' to herself, 'no' to guest--blogging now, but yes? to the future.  Beautifully done.  It is so difficult to say no which is why is why it is Psyche's 4th Task, not her 1st.  For those of you interested in a few practical tips, here's a video clip with highlights from O Magazine's How to Say No.  One caveat -- I don't agree with everything that's said, but I did find it thought-provoking and on balance helpful.

Thank you again to each of you for your comments both on and off-line!  Keep 'em coming!

June 01, 2008

'I'dea-licious: May 2008

Dear friends --

Thank you once again for your insightful comments - you were absolutely 'I'-dea-licious in May!

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Blog I Like:  Portabellopixie
Oh, I love her fabrics as well.  They're so cheerful!  I don't know about what's out there made from her fabric, but I'd love to sew something for you--maybe we could make a deal!   Janika

Love this idea Janika. LOVE.  What a 'farmer's market-y', systergistic proposal.  Can't wait to do some bartering.

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Will kirtsy please take a bow?
Besides admiring the kirtsy women's perspective and strength, I think the new name is more meaningful than the original. To "curtsy" means to show honor and recognition, which is what kirtsy does so beautifully. Kirtsy honors and recognizes the best in things and people. To my way of thinking, this conflict helped kirtsy drill down deeper to their essence.   Janna Taylor

Janna's comment raises two important points:  1)  When we bow or kirtsy to the magnificence in others, we give them a gift of inestimable value; 2)  the crisis that precipitated the name change from sk*rt to kirtsy could certainly be defined as a Road of Trials along the hero's journey.

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Enchanted anger
I suppose that there are a great many of us who recognize we're uncomfortable in a given situation, but don't realize until later that it's actually anger...Sometimes we've suppressed them all [our feelings] for so long that we forget what they are.  Lisle

Just this past week I was flat-out startled at my response to a particular situation.  I had so cleverly disguised my anger (again, because girls don't angry - or was it rage?) that I didn't recognize it for what it was until one of my dear friends had the courage to show me to myself.  I won't lie -- it was tough.

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I think we need to be sure that we stick to the "subject" when we are angry.  Define what is bothering us and then only, only, only deal with that one thing.  Barbara Torris

What a difference adhering to Barbara's advice would make.  And yet because most of us haven't learned how to do anger very well, and thus don't often speak until we've reached the point of rage, sticking to the 'one thing' becomes supremely difficult.

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Scribble Press:  Helping our children tell their story
Child or not, I think everyone has a story to tell...How great would it be if we could each find enough of ourselves to get published.  Emily

So, so true Emily.  One of my favorite books of recent years is Robert Atkinson's The Gift of Stories.  In it, he writes, "the ability to see our life as a comprehensible story is a key to our happiness."

P.S.  Thanks in part to your systergy 'Scribbling our children's way to self-esteem' is now one of this week's most popular stories over at kirtsy.   Anna and Darcy have  invested so many resources (brains, heart, time, money) into Scribble Press -- it's wonderful to see your support. 

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If you get defensive, you're getting close
I loved your blog last night. I've read it a couple of times. It hits close to home. I'm really grateful for your wisdom in knowing what to write.  Anonymous friend of Whitney's

Janna, thank you for having the courage to tell your story -- because courage is required to tell a truthful story.  And look what happened? Janna has helped another woman screw up the courage to dream her own dream.

Also, please note, that even though the comment is posted as anonymous, I did ask for the author's permission to post.  It is so important that each of you know that if you want something to be kept in confidence, it will be.

Thank you again to each of you for your comments both on and off-line!  Keep 'em coming!

May 04, 2008

'I'dea-licious: April 2008

Dear friends --

You are making so many interesting, thought-provoking comments, I'd like to ensure you receive your proper due.  So, without further ado, here's what you say and do. 

Thanks for being so 'I'dea-licious!

Fielding a 'dare to dream' team
Love this sort of discussion about the 'nuts and bolts' of dream building!!!  Melanie Mauer

Thank you Melanie.  I hadn't really considered writing more about how-to 'do' our dreams.  It's a great suggestion.  Will think on this.

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Ways to additionally compensate a member of your Dare to Dream Team are a) write a recommendation for them on their LinkedIn page or website or b) offer to serve as a reference.  Janna Taylor

I like Janna's practical idea.  Writing a recommendation takes some effort, but what a way to let someone know you appreciate their work. It can also fall into the category of 'barter' which women tend to do marvelously well -- especially 'stay-at-home moms' (e.g. for my friend Kathleen, growing up, there were eight children, dad was just out of law school:  for her mother, barter was a beautiful thing!)

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Collaborations are great because they bring a fresh perspective.  I am learning that I cannot do everything (i.e. I need help.) and to trust my instincts on who I bring to my collaborative table.

As an architect, Erinn collaborates on a daily basis.  And whether we realize it, I think we all do  Who are you collaborating with?  Whose fresh perspective (and quite possibly diametrically opposed) can you invite into your life?

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dare to dreamgirl:  Jessica Gooley
Congrats [Jessica]!  Your darling animals [Belly Button Bunch] are worthy of promotion...I will feature on my blog soon.   Dana King

Kudos to Dana for her systergy. Dana not only provided advice, she supported Jessica by posting about the Belly Button Bunch on her blog.   For another lovely example of systergy, take a look at Macy's blog.      

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Getting in the game
When you are playing the game you are always a winner!  Barbara Torris

Great point Barbara.  I think that sometimes we are so concerned about playing the game perfectly that we fail to show up.  And yet when we show up, and suit up, some amazing things can happen.  Remember the 'what if' game.  What if you hadn't gone to that one event you almost didn't go to?

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What is your dream? 
Word of caution:  Trust is a key element. Only engage those whom you trust can offer objective, constructive criticism. And you must trust yourself to handle feedback without feeling judged.   Anna Giraldo-Kerr

Thank you Anna.   Trust is so important isn't it?  Trust that they will give constructive advice AND trust that they care about us.  The Simon, Paula, Randy archetypes come to mind.

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When we say 'no'
In Peggy's April 15 post, she writes "some times we seek validation by being needed by others", which leads us to say 'yes', when we would really prefer to say 'no'. 

I continue to be fascinated by the words 'yes' and 'no', they are such powerful, powerful words.  Have any of you conducted the experiment of saying 'no' for a day, considering what your 'no's meant you were saying 'yes' to? 

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American Idol:  Which judge are you?
Note that Simon has been loved OVER TIME, his value was not seen in the first episode of the first season...Do we give the "Simon's" in our life a chance for continued feedback or do we shut them off once they deliver the first "harsh" news?   Stacey Petrey

Have there been people in our lives that we didn't appreciate immediately, but because we were stuck with them (by choice or unavoidable circumstance) they have come to be among our most trusted advisors?  For those of us who are 'Simon-like', what are we doing to ensure that feedback is delivered in a way that it can actually be heard?

Thank you again to each of you for your comments both on and off-line! Keep 'em coming!

About this blog

  • When I left Wall Street to live a different dream and help others live theirs, I learned that women in the U.S. may be placated, even pampered, but because we aren't dreaming, we are also desperate and depressed. Drawing on a variety of sources, ranging from academic studies to pop culture, dare to dream encourages us to dream. And then to act on our dreams.

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