dare to dream

dare to dreamgirl: Jessica Gooley

Do you remember Psyche's four tasks, the 3rd task requiring her to set a goal (fill the flask with water) and achieve the goal despite fairly significant distractions (raging stream etched against a jagged cliff)?

Well, Jessica Gooley has done precisely that.

Jessica works full-time as a cardiac surgical nurse.  She spends considerable time caring for her mother who's had a stroke, and in recent months attended to her daughter during a difficult first pregnancy.

But Jessica had a goal.
Which she's achieved.
I'll let her tell you in her own words.

I am a Cardiac Surgical Nurse who has dared to dream about creating a business to sell kits of unique and whimsical animal wall hangings. I took 3x3 pictures of felt wall hangings given me by my older sister, Jenni Christensen, a Utah artist. From those original 3x3 pictures I now have kits for 13 of these whimsical animals which include patterns, material, thread and instructions. Even though it is not listed as included in the kits, as people complete the kits and see the finished product they will also have a delightful feeling of joy as evidences by the smiles on the faces of all who see these whimsical animals appear.

(Note:  The Belly Button Bunch was featured in Organize Magazine (as seen in the lower l.h. corner above); photo courtesy of LaNola Kathleen Stone.)

I came about this dream by reading a “Dare to Dream” article written by a good friend, Whitney Johnson. Through this article and the encouragement of Whitney, I have started on the road to realizing my dream.

My dream has been nurtured by the people, places, and experiences of my life. I was born in Salt Lake City, but then moved to Hawaii where I was surrounded by the vibrant colors of those islands for 10 years. My next stop was Idaho and lived next to a wildlife refuse and enjoyed many animals on the farm. After high school I went to nursing school in Portland, Oregon. My travels then took me to Southern California where I met my husband of 28 years. I have called Texas, Oregon and now Shrewsbury, Massachusetts home. Three wonderful children have blessed my life. Some 35 years of my life was spent working in the medical field, the last fifteen as a Cardiac Surgical Nurse.

When you get a moment, please go over to Jessica's website and take a look.

If you have any ideas on how to market the Belly Button Bunch, why not practice a little systergy, and share your ideas with Jessica.  Better yet, pass along the link to Belly Button Bunch.

Atta Girl, Jessica!

What have you been thinking about doing?   

How can the metaphorical eagle help you?

Related posts:

Psyche's 3rd Task:  Fill the Flask
Handicrafts for the hero's journey
dare to dreamgirl:  Dana King
Blog I Like:  HellomynameisHeather

Learning to 'Let it Be'

I was so disappointed by Brooke White's performance last night on American Idol.

After her amazing rendition of 'Let it Be' in early March, she's gone on to have two pretty bad weeks.

Contrast Brooke to David Cook.  After he was roundly criticized by the judges, David went right on picking the right song, the right arrangement.

Why is Brooke, in my opinion, having difficulty?

Because she's giving her power away to the judges.

In the article Do Women Lack Ambition?, Cornell psychologist Anna Fels writes that our cultural ideals of femininity do not include women asking for resources, whether those resources involve time, money, praise.

Until last night, I hadn't considered the possibility that power was a resource.

Yet in trusting the judges more than herself, Brooke has given away her power.

And David Cook hasn't.

Men generally don't.

They listen -- Yes -- but they also seem to do a better job of trusting themselves.

We can learn from them.

Because when we do trust ourselves, we move to the center of our story, becoming the hero....

Like Brooke did when she sang Let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

P.S.  If you want to read some great commentary by vocal coach Macy Robison on each week's American Idol, click here.

Related posts:
Asking for what we want
NY Times:  For Girls, It's Be Yourself...
Why we love American Idol
Doolittle's Leah leave the building
Finding our reality in Reality TV

Mammograms and helping hands

Some months ago I read about a woman who celebrated each birthday with a mammogram.

That woman would not be me.

Had it not been for my friend Liz's astonishment when she learned that I'd never had a mammogram, and my friend Jane who, being equally dismayed, proceeded to schedule the doctor's appointment for me, it may have been another five years before I'd gone. 

And I should have gone five years ago.

I couldn't help but wonder as I drove home -- is it possible that going to the doctor/getting a mammogram is as difficult for me as it is for some women to dare to dream? 

If there is an even remote possibility that it is, may I share what I've learned? 

1)  Drawing on one another's strength gives us strength -  My friends wanting and expecting me to go to the doctor (even taking the initiative to make the appointment for me), was precisely what I needed to safeguard my physical health. 

What if we were equally persistent in encouraging our friends to dream, and thus help them avoid becoming desperate and/or depressed?
 

Source:  istockphoto

2)   Wonderful things happen when we face our fear --  I am proud of myself for walking through the fear of going to the doctor.   But I'm also happy to learn that it wasn't as awful as I had anticipated, that I can confirm I'm healthy, not to mention, that I have some friends who care deeply about me. 

Isn't it also true that when we dare, and we dare some more, we inadvertently begin to open the door to our dream?

3)   Nurturing our selves is ESSENTIAL -- After leaving the doctor, I was emotionally drained, and  needed to do something nice for myself.  So, I went to the Cheesecake Factory for a Chinese Chicken salad  (nope, no cheesecake today), and was then off to Barnes & Noble where I browsed, and bought, and browsed some more.

I didn't use to do this.  I would walk through something tough, (doctor's appointment, dream, what have you) and expect myself just to keep on walking.  No nurturing, no 'Atta Girl', no nothing.

I'm learning.

Whose strength have you drawn on recently?

And vice versa?

Having faced your fear, how did you feel?   What were some of the unintended, happy consequences?

When was the last time you gave your self an 'Atta Girl'?

P.S.  Isn't the above illustration wonderful?  It's aptly titled the 'Tree of Life'.   

Related posts:
Systergy in St. Louis
Farmer's market metaphor
What I learned about seeing from my glasses
Looking back can be a good thing
Walking through the unknown

 

The sweetness of systergy

There are so many wonderful women in my life that I suppose I sometimes take them for granted. 

Which is why I think I had the dream I had this week. 

Here's the redux:

A group of women I'm friendly with, all of whom have children my daughter's age, had organized a playdate, one to which all of the mothers and daughters in our circle were invited, except my daughter and me. 

I was devastated at having being excluded, and needed to tell someone.   

But when I sought out those who were mother/big sister figures in whom I hoped to confide my grief, each was genuinely concerned for about five minutes, and then had to run off, being 'late for a very important date'.

And so the devastation continued.

Having to dash off to to an investor meeting in midtown Manhattan helped me shake off my early morning sadness.

I'm grateful, however, for the lingering reminder...

...that we sometimes need to taste the bitter in order to prize the sweet.

The sweetness of systergy.

***

I do, I do, I do prize systergy -- but perhaps it is too abstract.

Which is why I was inspired by Gretchen Rubin's post 12 tips for acting like a true friend over at The Happiness Project.  This post provides great helps for getting into our systergistic groove, including:  1) Be supportive when your friend has good news; 2)  Be friendly to your friend's friends; 3)  Show up. 

My favorite tip is... Well, actually take a look at her blog.

Any recent experience that brought into relief the importance of systergy?

Which of Gretchen's tips do you think is my favorite?

Which is yours?

Any difference between what you give as a friend and what it's important for you to receive?

Related posts:
The dark side of systergy
Of pineapples and friendship
Celebrating systergy
Three cheers for oxytocin

Martha and Mary

Do you remember the biblical story of Mary and Martha, the two sisters who host Jesus in their home? Martha focuses on preparing and serving the meal, while Mary sits at His feet, listening and learning.

Do you also remember that when Martha says to her Guest -- Is it really alright that Mary isn't helping me attend to preparing and serving?, and He responds, Yes, for "Mary hath chosen the good part."

Painting by Minerva Teichert

As a study in feminine psychology, I find this story intriguing.

We generally consider women to be feminine within the context of a relationship, or when we are giving something (resources or recognition) to someone else.

And yet, this story -- which is revered, and believed to be true, by billions of Christians -- gives women permission to listen and learn, to find our self. When we consider the historical context (c. 2,000 years ago when women's roles were far more circumscribed), this 'permission' is even more powerful.

Does this mean that women shouldn't care for and nurture others?

Of course not.

But it does suggest that to develop into our full self we need to do both: say Yes to our relationships (be Martha-like), and Yes to our self (be Mary-like).

What we need more of will depend.

Some of us may need to be a bit more Martha-like.

But if my sample set is any indication, most of us could use a little more Mary.

What about you? Do you tend toward Mary or Martha?

Have you noticed that when we learn to marry Martha and Mary, we are completing Psyche's four tasks, the prototypical female hero's journey?

Related posts:
Say yes to you
Play to your strengths
Psyche's 4th Task: Learn to say no
Why I liked Wicked
Rachel and Leah: Reclaiming our power to dream

dare to dreamgirl: Margaret Woolley Busse

Margaret Woolley Busse is the newest 'dare to dreamgirl'. 

Margaret's been thinking about starting a blog for some months now, a blog in which she examines how public policy affects our everyday lives, and which by the way, she is eminently qualified to do. 

And now she has.

In her post titled "The Meaning of 9%", Margaret leads off with "Nine percent.  Usually an insignificant amount...But when 9% represents the percentage of registered voters who voted in a recent annual town election, [and who are thus] determining the course of government in the town", 9% is no longer insignificant.

Thought-provoking stuff.

Within the context of 'dare to dream' there are many reasons to say Atta Girl!, but I'll focus on two:

1)  Margaret has made a choice (a difficult choice given that she has an MBA from Harvard) to be a full-time mother to her three young children.  In honoring her decision, she reminds each of us to acknowledge and affirm our own decisions.

2)  Even as Margaret honors her decision to mother full-time, she recognizes the importance of dreaming, of attending to herself -- which she is doing by carving out time to craft her blog, to formulate her thoughts on policy and politics.

It won't be easy. 

In his book 'The Power of a Positive No', William Ury describes what she's doing as learning to "marry the two most fundamental words in our language: Yes and No.  Yes is the key word of connection (deciding to mother full-time).  No the key word of protection (of identity or self)...The secret to standing up for yourself and what you need without destroying precious relationships is to marry the two." 

Please do take a moment to visit Margaret's blog, read what she's written, and to leave a comment telling her Atta Girl!

Related posts:

Psyche's 4th task: Learn to say no

Pew Research Center's Mothers Prefer Full-Time Work

Psyche and choice

Making meaning in Malawi

Doorsteps, doors and dreams

The hazards of 'Getting in the Game'

"Throw down your pom-poms and get in the game."  A phrase I heard frequently during the late 80's, early 90's while working on Wall Street.

In one of my very first posts (see below), I boldly implored women to throw down our pom-poms, get in the game, our game, and be the hero of our story.

Photo courtesy of john carleton @ istockphoto

1 1/2 years later, I am astonished that I employed this metaphor.  I knew about being a cheerleader, but as an early days Title IX gal, I've never played competitive sports, and thus had no experience with 'literally' getting in the game.

Ahh, the bluster of inexperience.

Obviously, I knew that football players wear helmets and pads because it's dangerous, you get bumps, bruises, and broken bones.  But I didn't know.

No doubt I had glorified the 'getting in the game' of my life whether at home, work or in the community, not recognizing that this would involve saying no and negotiating conflict, none of which my cheerleading had prepared me to do.

I'm learning, but because I'm not good at it, I can feel pretty beaten up some days.

Photo courtesy groveb @ istockphoto

As I've nursed my wounds by sharing them with my friends, two of them, both of whom are psychologists by training, said something strikingly similar:

Learning to negotiate conflict is an important developmental milestone, one that ultimately enhances and strengthens our relationships.

Did you know this?

I didn't.

Does this mean that if we throw down our pom-poms, and get in the game, when we pick our pom-poms back up, we'll be even better cheerleaders, better heros of support?

Isn't this what Psyche did?  She went on a hero's journey, which required her to learn to say no, so that she could say yes to her relationships.

When have you set boundaries recently?  Said no?  Negotiated conflict?

Hard?

For me too.

Helmet and pads required.

Related posts:
Throw down your pom-poms
It's just a game!  Precisely!
Three cheers for oxytocin
Psyche's 4th Task:  Learning to say no
What I've learned from identifying my heros