The hazards of 'Getting in the Game'

"Throw down your pom-poms and get in the game."  A phrase I heard frequently during the late 80's, early 90's while working on Wall Street.

In one of my very first posts (see below), I boldly implored women to throw down our pom-poms, get in the game, our game, and be the hero of our story.

Photo courtesy of john carleton @ istockphoto

1 1/2 years later, I am astonished that I employed this metaphor.  I knew about being a cheerleader, but as an early days Title IX gal, I've never played competitive sports, and thus had no experience with 'literally' getting in the game.

Ahh, the bluster of inexperience.

Obviously, I knew that football players wear helmets and pads because it's dangerous, you get bumps, bruises, and broken bones.  But I didn't know.

No doubt I had glorified the 'getting in the game' of my life whether at home, work or in the community, not recognizing that this would involve saying no and negotiating conflict, none of which my cheerleading had prepared me to do.

I'm learning, but because I'm not good at it, I can feel pretty beaten up some days.

Photo courtesy groveb @ istockphoto

As I've nursed my wounds by sharing them with my friends, two of them, both of whom are psychologists by training, said something strikingly similar:

Learning to negotiate conflict is an important developmental milestone, one that ultimately enhances and strengthens our relationships.

Did you know this?

I didn't.

Does this mean that if we throw down our pom-poms, and get in the game, when we pick our pom-poms back up, we'll be even better cheerleaders, better heros of support?

Isn't this what Psyche did?  She went on a hero's journey, which required her to learn to say no, so that she could say yes to her relationships.

When have you set boundaries recently?  Said no?  Negotiated conflict?

Hard?

For me too.

Helmet and pads required.

Related posts:
Throw down your pom-poms
It's just a game!  Precisely!
Three cheers for oxytocin
Psyche's 4th Task:  Learning to say no
What I've learned from identifying my heros

Comments

[Stacey P]

Whitney,
I have been thinking a lot about this post and here is what I have landed on. I think the phrase: get in the game, is a call to action but it also prevents Monday morning "quarterbacking". What I mean by that is that participants have a different perspective than fans and gaining that new viewpoint has a return on investment. In addition, participants are less likely to be critical of other participants because they can see nuances of the game that are unable to be seen from a fan perspective.
Sometimes you don't know what the battle is over because you have not been invited to play in that game - now that game can take place in a boardroom or a field but either way, you need to be asked/invited to participate - which is another matter entirely.
So to sum up my rambling thoughts, if you are invited and able to play - join in, gain a new perspective and then decide your next course of action (to step out and: cheer? coach? watch? commentate? etc.)
Great post!
S

[Whitney Johnson]

Stacey --

You have given me a lot to think about. This is really great -- thank you!

Whitney

[Beth Peterson]

Stacey -- great article! I wanted to add something to your comment back to Whitney, though. You said you need to be invited to play the game, to participate.

As a person who grew up rural with no neighbors and no siblings close to me in age, I have to tell you....Some of us have to *learn* to be the ones to ask to be included and to participate!

So, I'd say if any of you reading this is a wallflower that wants to get in the game, but no one seems to notice you over on the sidelines, gather up your courage for that scary but casual question, "Hey! Can I play, too!"

[tracy ho]

Great post , enjoy the fact of it ,

Thanks ,

Tracy Ho
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