Martha and Mary

Do you remember the biblical story of Mary and Martha, the two sisters who host Jesus in their home? Martha focuses on preparing and serving the meal, while Mary sits at His feet, listening and learning.

Do you also remember that when Martha says to her Guest -- Is it really alright that Mary isn't helping me attend to preparing and serving?, and He responds, Yes, for "Mary hath chosen the good part."

Painting by Minerva Teichert

As a study in feminine psychology, I find this story intriguing.

We generally consider women to be feminine within the context of a relationship, or when we are giving something (resources or recognition) to someone else.

And yet, this story -- which is revered, and believed to be true, by billions of Christians -- gives women permission to listen and learn, to find our self. When we consider the historical context (c. 2,000 years ago when women's roles were far more circumscribed), this 'permission' is even more powerful.

Does this mean that women shouldn't care for and nurture others?

Of course not.

But it does suggest that to develop into our full self we need to do both: say Yes to our relationships (be Martha-like), and Yes to our self (be Mary-like).

What we need more of will depend.

Some of us may need to be a bit more Martha-like.

But if my sample set is any indication, most of us could use a little more Mary.

What about you? Do you tend toward Mary or Martha?

Have you noticed that when we learn to marry Martha and Mary, we are completing Psyche's four tasks, the prototypical female hero's journey?

Related posts:
Say yes to you
Play to your strengths
Psyche's 4th Task: Learn to say no
Why I liked Wicked
Rachel and Leah: Reclaiming our power to dream

Comments

[Margaret Woolley Busse]

I've always found this story intriguing as well. I sometimes react with frustration at the story, because "someone has to do the wash, etc." and it isn't fair that Mary isn't doing it! But I agree with you, Whitney, what I really think the story is telling us is that we all have to do both in our lives, we have to take care of the mundane, and we have to take time to enrich ourselves as well (spiritually, in the case of Mary specifically). The key is choosing what is the best thing to be doing at a particular point in time, every hour, every day, week, and even over a several-year period. In my particular case (as described in Whitney's last post), I felt it was right for me to be choosing a "Martha" role for this period of time in my life--to be "at home" with my kids. However, I also recognize that I still have a need to do a bit of the "Mary" stuff, which is partly why I launched my blog. As I have been at home for nearly 5 years now, one interesting discovery I've made about the "Martha" stuff is that it can sometimes be an excuse to not pursue any of the "Mary" stuff. It's almost seductive to busy ourselves so much with Martha stuff, that we excuse ourselves from anything "Mary." And in the scriptural story, the Lord is very clearly saying to Martha that one has to put those things aside at times.

[Stacey P]

I couldn't agree more with Margaret. We all move between phases and roles in our lives, I think the harder part is identifying when to move and then moving seamlessly...

[erinn]

This just reminds me that I need to get back to church! Wonderful post. It makes me think of that philosophy that women need to care for themselves first and then care for their family. If you are not nurturing yourself, how can you fulfull your other roles properly? It comes back to living a balanced life, something I constantly struggle to do. Hopefully I will remember this when our family grows to more than two.

[tona]

hello Whitney! This week I have just finished reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver, and I found it absolutely wonderful. About balancing "Living Room" devotion with "Kitchen Service." HIGHLY recommended for Martha types like me - I can already tell that her book is going to help me draw closer to God, which is what I need right now.

[Danalee Abernethy]

I'd like to think I am more "Mary", but truth be told, I am SO "Martha". I know that both roles are crucial to our "woman-ness", but my timing/priority is usually off, and by the time I realize I need to be Mary, I have missed the opportunity to listen and be taught. Another item I must add to my long list of things I need to work on.