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April 13, 2008


I love the C.S Lewis version of the Psyche myth, Till We Have Faces.

actually i don't think i have ever done task 4 in my entire life.

the fear is this:

if i say no- those same opportunities will never come again. if i say no- people will stop asking... and i NEED to be asked. it's my validation!!! i need to be needed!!!

or do i?
and really? they will stop asking?
has that ever been true???

learning this the hard way, i have found myself in very important situations and i find that i had the short end of it because i didn't say no when i should have.

next time- i'm going to do it- just try me!

For me, learning to say no is related to sorting through and prioritizing possibilities. When I fail to prioritize, it makes saying no very, very difficult. The reason is that when I don't know my priorities, it is difficult to determine whether to say no. In other words, I can't determine whether what is being asked of me supports or detracts from my goal. If it detracts, I feel that I have a better leg to stand on when saying no. (Although, sometimes that better leg is legitimately, "I don't feel like it.")

Generally, I think men are good at making the connection between priortizing and saying no. When I am puzzling over whether to do something, I find the men in my life go straight to, "Well, does it get you what you want?" Boom, done. The answer is clear.

I think women, however, are skilled at bringing to light the complexity and richness of possibilties and priorities. We are good at presenting many iterations of projects, choices, and ideas. We are powerful "creators," which makes the generation and discussion of the possibilities fun and exciting.

As a side note note related to Whitney's questions, I love the joyful feeling of the "Gathering Fleece" image. Actually doing the work is often viewed as tiring and plodding, and I like this perspective of energy!

A few weeks ago I wrote a series of posts on Till We Have Faces, defending Lewis against the charge that he was arguing for blind, unthinking submission. Here is the first part:

All task look great to me ,

happy to reach your recent post ,

Tracy ho

She also must learn to sort through and prioritize her possibilities, obtain power without selling her soul, keep her eyes on her prize, and say no.
I can add that she must learn how to play the piano.

Wonderful art!


I am not so good at the prioritizing or the saying "no" but I really love #2 and #3. There is something so satisfying about working on something you care about and finishing. It is cleansing and validating to me.

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About this blog

  • When I took a sabbatical from Wall Street to pursue a different dream and help others live theirs, I learned that women in the U.S. may be placated, even pampered, but because we aren't dreaming, we are also desperate and depressed. Drawing on a variety of sources, ranging from academic studies to pop culture, dare to dream encourages us to dream. And then to act on our dreams.


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