When we say no

I say No, No, No No, No, No--until I see one [an investment] that is exactly what I am looking for.  And then I say Yes.  All I have to do is say Yes a few times in my life and I've made my fortune.We say no a thousand times before we can yes.  Warren Buffett

When we say 'no', what are we saying 'yes 'to?

As a parent, when we say 'no' to TV before our children play outside, aren't we saying 'yes' to their physical and emotional health?

As a student, when we say 'no' to the internship that is handily ours so as to seek out one that isn't,  aren't we saying 'yes' to discovering new skills so as to be even better prepared for the job market?

If I'm Paula Abdul and I say 'no' I didn't like that number, am I not saying 'yes' to my words meaning something?

When we say 'no' to heading up another committee at school because we are tapped out, aren't we saying 'yes' to our children and spouse, our self?

If I'm Katie Couric, if I had said 'no' I won't take the CBS Evening News gig, wouldn't she have been saying 'yes' to my brand, 'yes' to why people hire me, 'yes' to keeping my career on track?   (I confess, however, in response to Stacey P's comment on that post, had I been there, I don't know that I would have done it differently).

What about the entrepreneurs over at sk*rt who have others begging to give them money (with lots of strings attached)?  When they say 'no', aren't they saying 'yes' to more risk, but more importantly to themselves, their vision?

Photo courtesy of Andrea Heimer, whose 'Yes' painting I recently purchased and love

When we say 'no' to living out the dreams that others (parents, spouse, friends, children) have for us, aren't we saying 'yes' to the vision we have for our self?  Or at least to figuring out what vision we have for our self?

When we say 'no', we have said 'yes' to something else -- an emphatic, meaningful 'yes.'   

In learning to say 'no', we are indeed learning to say 'yes', not only 'yes' to others, but 'yes' to our selves.

To prioritize.
To discern.
To choose.
To be wise.

There's always a 'yes' on the other side of the 'no' -- who and what are we saying 'yes' to?

How are we saying yes to our self?

Over the next few hours, every time you say 'no', will you think about what you are saying 'yes' to?

P.S.  Thank you to Peggy D for inspiring this post.

Related posts:
Morning sickness metaphor
A down payment on our dream
Learning to say no
Psyche and choice
Words to dream by:   Anne Morrow Lindbergh
   

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I have been reading your blog for quite awhile now... and have never left a comment (until now of course). You are a deep and talented thinker and writer. I have never thought of "no" as being a powerful word, but your writing has helped me to see that it truly is. I will practice using it more often and begin saying "yes" to the many things I often think are too selfish to spend my time on.
:)
Thanks,
Elizabeth

[Barbara]

This is so interesting. I woke up this morning thinking about a blog similar to this. Check it out.

b

[Barbara]

I just posted it Whitney. It turned out to be another tale about Etta. Say yes was a hard lesson for her to learn.

http://torristravels.blogspot.com/2008/04/yes.html

Thank you for checking.

[Peggy]

whitney i love this concept- you are absolutely right. we aren't "taking anything away" from ourselves when we say no. we are giving back to ourselves, essentially.

thank you so much for pointing out that we can replace the NO with a YES! I LOVE IT!

[Anonymous]

I have to take a rain check on guest blogging. I have had some
health and family 'stuff' come up all at the same time this past week and just can't put my heart and mind into as I should and as I want to. I apologize for this. I have been excited about the possibility and the honor of you asking me to participate in your own blog which I really enjoy.

I am learning to prioritize, that is for sure...If in [a few months]
you feel that it would still be pertinent to pick this up then I would be happy to refocus on it. Again, I am sorry if this causes you any inconveniences with your blog.

[Luisa Perkins]

Thanks for posting the link to this; I needed to read it today!