dare to dream

Scribble Press: Helping our children tell their story

When I was in Mexico last month, my friend David Luhnow told me about his sister-in-law Anna's store Scribble Press, a place where children can write, illustrate and publish their very own books.

Why was I so taken by their concept?

Because Scribble Press helps us help our children move to the center of their story.

To dream, not deflect -- to be the hero.

For example, Anna shared with me that several children had recently made meaning of their adoption by writing and illustrating books that were then bound before their eyes.

What events do your children need to make meaning of?

What do you need to make meaning of?

If you are going to be in Los Angeles this summer, and want to encourage your children to be the hero of their story, then run, don't walk, to Scribble Press.

In the meantime, take a moment to go to kirtsy and click through on the link Scribbling our children's way to self-esteem. I can't think of a better way to say Atta Girls -- Darcy and Anna!

Related posts:
NY Times: This is if your life (And how you tell it)
Dreaming or deflecting?
Children and the call to adventure
Soundtracks: Finding our voice, telling our story
It takes courage to tell our stories

Blog I Like: Portabellopixie

I can't get enough of Sandi Henderson's new line of Farmers Market fabric; I keep going back and back and back.

Is it because she's telling a story with her fabric? A story of spring, summer and fall, of gracefully blending these seasons of our lives while appreciating women in seasons not our own.

Maybe because Sandi's story is so mouth-watering, many will add their story to hers, as they fashion clothing, pillows, quilts?

Or perhaps it's because there is no market quite like a farmer's market.

When we buy fresh fruits and vegetables, something deep inside of us knows that they are given to us by a Creator; that these delicious apples, cherries, apricots and plums aren't just for us, but will sustain, and most likely be eaten with, our loved ones; that we are not the center of everything, but a part -- that we are connected.

How do you feel when you go to a farmer's market?

Would you agree that for us to experience systergy we need to feel bounty, just as we do at the farmer's market?

Have you ever gone and picked fruit? I have childhood memories of picking apricots off of Blossom Hill Road in San Jose. Have you taken the young children in your life to pick fruit?

Related posts:
Farmer's market metaphor
Blog I like: Hellomynameisheather
Of pineapples and friendship
The sweetness of systergy
Fielding a 'dare to dream' team

Enchanted anger

Were you surprised by the title of the above article?

Me neither.

We girls learn from a very young age that we shouldn't get angry.

But is it anger that we shouldn't do?

Or rage?

Rage is yelling at our child, maybe even hitting him, when he spills juice on a brand new carpet we can't afford to replace.

Rage is a mother sabotaging her daughter's attempts at life and love when she sees her daughter having opportunities the mother either didn't have, or gave up.

If we have reached the point of rage, but have managed to hold it in (because nice girls don't get angry), we just might be depressed: depression is rage turned inward.

Rage is about losing control, when we say things and do things that we will long regret.

So, rage is definitely out.

But anger?

Oh yes -- definitely in.

Anger tells us something is amiss, that something or someone (possibly our selves) needs to be attended to, that a boundary has been crossed.

Courtesy: istockphoto

Anger is locking ourself in the closet, calling our closest friend, and sobbing about the juice spill, knowing that our 2 year-old is safe because he is banging on the door as we speak.

Anger is recognizing that in any choice made there are trade-offs. That we may be angry with our daughter not because of her but because we have become so Martha-like, we've forgotten that we get to be Martha AND Mary.

When we acknowledge our anger, rage never happens.

There is a wonderful lesson about anger in the film Enchanted.

Innocent Princess Giselle is back-and-forthing with Patrick Dempsey's cynicism and the words, 'You....you....make me so angry', spill out. With this utterance, Princess Giselle has defined a boundary for her self, thus undergoing a rite of passage necessary to becoming more of who she is.

Has your anger recently helped you identify a boundary you didn't know you had?

When we become angry, are we not saying 'no', as Psyche was required to do in her 4th task?

The next time you become angry, will you pause and be grateful for the information your anger is giving you: about what matters to you, about how you want your life to unfold?

When we attend to the anger, what Giselle-like thing can happen in our life?

P.S. If you'd like to read more in praise of anger, there is a powerful essay titled 'Damning the River' in Rachel Naomi Remen's book Kitchen Table Wisdom.

P.P.S. If you ever have something you feel others would find helpful to hear, but tend to be a private person, just send to me your thoughts, and I'll post it as 'Whitney's friend who would like to remain anonymous"...

Related posts:
A down payment on our dream
The Myth of Psyche
Martha and Mary
When we say no
Dreaming or deflecting?

Dreams while we are sleeping

Have you read the Reader's Digest article titled Dare to Dream: What happens in your head at night is more important than you think?

According to scientific research, our dreams communicate to our conscious mind what our subconscious mind is worried about (or not), thus helping us work through the day's emotional quandaries.

For example:

1) Several years ago, I met a woman that I wanted to be friends with, but in my waking life I wasn't sure I could trust her. That is, until I dreamt about two different people (one man, one woman) in my distant past whom I couldn't trust. When I juxtaposed how I felt when I interacted with this woman vs. the other two individuals, my subconscious was telling me I could absolutely trust her.

2) On another occasion, I was stymied by how to approach a problem at work. Thanks to a dream in which my younger brother and sister, each of whom have very different problem-solving styles, were sitting around a table with me, I recognized that I could add their styles to my own to cobble together a workable approach.

3) Then there's my dream titled The Banquet Awaits. Because of this dream's relevance to 'dare to dream', I commissioned yet another painting by Mallika Sundaramurthy.


Used by permission. Copyright Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008.

In this dream, I was speaking to a man with whom in my waking life I had been discussing the possibility of joining the investment bank Goldman, Sachs. Though I was mesmerized by him, I found his girlfriend, who was also there, to be an annoyance.

Despite my disdain, she invited me to her home for dinner which I grudgingly accepted, not knowing I was in for something very special.

Her home was a welcoming, single story house with sleek lines, high ceilings, a fountain pool for a front yard, while the inside had a loft feel and inviting furniture. Once the guests had arrived, she proceeded to serve a sumptuous meal, a banquet really. Each course was beautiful to behold, and exquisite to the taste.

There was enough for all, an unending feast.

As I shared my dream of The Banquet Awaits with a friend, I recognized this dream was symbolic of systergy. I had discounted the woman who had invited me to her home, believing her boyfriend held the key to achieving what I wanted. When in actuality, IF I would connect with other women, what I wanted would unfold not only for me, but for all the women who had accepted the invitation to the banquet.

Do you remember your dreams?

What is your most memorable dream?

What can you learn from this dream?

In re-reading The Banquet Awaits, I've actually thought of another interpretation besides the one I've outlined -- do any of your dreams have multiple interpretations?

Related posts:
The sweetness of systergy
Of pineapples and friendship
Why I liked Wicked
Will kirtsy please take a bow?
Redefining ladies who lunch

Will kirtsy please take a bow?

Within days of writing about Rick Riordan's Golden Fleece, I heard from Gabrielle, one of sk*rt's founders (aka Design Mom), that sk*rt could be sued for alleged trademark infringement, and would need to spend a lot of money on a legal battle royale, or change their name.

In Gabrielle's words:

Last September, Skirt! Magazine (a free monthly newspaper in the SouthEast) switched their domain name from skirtmag.com to skirt.com. Months and months after we’d already launched. And now that they’re at skirt.com, they feel our twinner domain names are too similar. So they sued us in December. And we won. But they keep the lawsuit threats coming anyway. So, we have decided to change our name and move on. Why fight an enormous corporation with deep pockets and a penchant for sueing tiny companies? And. We don’t believe in skirts fighting. The end.

So this past week, sk*rt changed its name to kirtsy, and the process by which it was done has been remarkably systergistic.

Quoting again from Gabrielle:

[kirtsy is] a name that many many many voted for. A name whose solid domain we own. A name that won all legal obstacle courses with flying colors. A name that contains the letters of our beloved sk*rt and its sk*rty adjectival format. A name that means giving greeting, nods, props and respect to something. A name that we now know as kirtsy.

Having recently met kirtsy's Gabrielle, Laura and Laurie, I wasn't at all surprised by the approach they've taken.

I was nonetheless impressed by their textbook 'fleece gathering', the second of Psyche's four tasks.

As Psyche embarks on her journey to really grow up, her second task requires that she gather fleece, fleece that has the power to heal. And yet to obtain the fleece she must wait until sundown when the rams disperse so as to safely pick strands of fleece off the brambles, else she will be crushed by the head-butting rams.

Psyche’s ability to acquire the golden fleece without being crushed is a metaphor for every woman’s task of gaining power without losing her innate sense of connectedness and compassion.

The kirtsy ladies could could have engaged in head-butting, and in fact were encouraged to, but instead chose to gather the fleece from the brambles, to get things done in a way that gives life to and revitalizes others. 

Which is why I can't help but kirtsy to you -- Gabrielle, Laura and Laurie.

Won't you please take a bow?

If you have a blog, or website, have you properly trademarked the name? If you need me to refer you to someone that can do this for you, e-mail me and I'll give you some names.

Did you notice that notwithstanding their getting the name trademarked, etc, even so there was a lawsuit. One of the hazards of getting in the game perhaps?

What can we learn about how the kirtsy founders went about choosing a new name? Did you notice how in involving the community, they gave us an opportunity to rally, to experience systergy?

What else is there to learn from the kirtsy -- aka Psyche -- way of doing business?

P.S. For more on the importance of -- and how to - on trademarking, see Green and Clean Mom's post on this topic.

Related posts:
Rick Riordan's 'Golden Fleece'
Myth of Psyche
Second thoughts on Psyche's 2nd task
The hazards of 'getting in the game'
Site I like: kirtsy (formerly known as sk*rt)

If you get defensive, you're getting close

Several months ago, my friend Kathleen Stone introduced me to Manhattan entrepreneur Janna Taylor. Knowing of Janna's pedigree and track record, I was surprised to read that she had initially been defensive when people suggested she open her own tutoring business.

I had unequivocally believed that if people saw possibilities for us that we couldn't ourselves see, we would readily and gratefully embrace these possibilities. Yet as I reflected on my own life, I found that this has not always been the case.

BUT, here's what I've discovered -- the more defensive I become, the closer I am to identifying my dream.

With Janna having pinpointed defensiveness as a bane, but especially a boon, to daring to dream, I've asked her to 'tell her story'.

May you be as encouraged as I was.

In fall 2007, I opened Mind Full Tutors, a tutoring company located on the upper east side of Manhattan. Even though starting a tutoring business had been my dream for several years, I resisted pursuing it like a stubborn mule.

Prior to receiving a Master's of Education at Harvard, I'd helped build a successful tutoring company. But when I graduated, I took a job working for a non-profit teacher education program with no plan to start a tutoring business. Even though my work for the non-profit was meaningful, I was unhappy. The job responsibilities did not play to my strengths and were far from the “action” of educating students.

When I complained to friends about my job, many responded with, “When are you going to start your tutoring company?” Each time, I met this encouragement with defensive responses such as, “There is no way I can do that,” “I can’t even think about that right now” and “Maybe someday…I don’t know.”

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I have wondered -- why was I defensive?

Firstly, I was protecting my heart. I fervently wanted this dream to be a reality. But to pursue the dream would be to expose it to possible failure. I wondered if my heart could bear the disappointment.

Secondly, I was deflecting guilt for not acting authentically. I knew in my bones that part of living authentically was to start my own tutoring company. Because I knew it was going to be difficult and risky, I resisted.

These two factors blinded me to the possibility of success.

After several more months of job dissatisfaction, I decided to take a chance on what my friends and family could see, and what I had lost sight of. I wrote a business plan and five months later opened Mind Full Tutors. When I shared this news with my loved ones, all of the responses were akin to, “Finally!”

So what were my friends seeing that I wasn’t?

My friends saw an open road to success, where I saw barricades and roadblocks. They saw abilities, where I saw deficiencies. They saw, “Why not?” and I saw, “Because…” They saw my need to live with passion and purpose, and I saw a need to compromise because of fear.

I’ve learned that others can play an important role in anchoring us to our dreams. They remind us of what we can and are meant to accomplish in this life. While it is true that some people can detract us from our dreams, those who know us the best often see us for what we are – women of great ability and purpose.

Mind Full Tutors has been in business for almost a year now. My heart feels alive and I know that I am making difference in the world every day – one student at a time.

How would your loved ones respond if you asked them, “What do you see is my dream? And what qualities and abilities do I possess to make my dream a reality?”

Have ever felt defensive when someone mentions you should fulfill your dream? If so, why?

Have you ever fulfilled a, “Finally!” dream?

Related posts:

Play to your strengths
Rock climbing and rethinking our competence
What is your dream?
Why we tell our story
Walking through the unknown

'I'dea-licious: April 2008

Dear friends --

You are making so many interesting, thought-provoking comments, I'd like to ensure you receive your proper due.  So, without further ado, here's what you say and do. 

Thanks for being so 'I'dea-licious!

Fielding a 'dare to dream' team
Love this sort of discussion about the 'nuts and bolts' of dream building!!!  Melanie Mauer

Thank you Melanie.  I hadn't really considered writing more about how-to 'do' our dreams.  It's a great suggestion.  Will think on this.

***

Ways to additionally compensate a member of your Dare to Dream Team are a) write a recommendation for them on their LinkedIn page or website or b) offer to serve as a reference.  Janna Taylor

I like Janna's practical idea.  Writing a recommendation takes some effort, but what a way to let someone know you appreciate their work. It can also fall into the category of 'barter' which women tend to do marvelously well -- especially 'stay-at-home moms' (e.g. for my friend Kathleen, growing up, there were eight children, dad was just out of law school:  for her mother, barter was a beautiful thing!)

***

Collaborations are great because they bring a fresh perspective.  I am learning that I cannot do everything (i.e. I need help.) and to trust my instincts on who I bring to my collaborative table.

As an architect, Erinn collaborates on a daily basis.  And whether we realize it, I think we all do  Who are you collaborating with?  Whose fresh perspective (and quite possibly diametrically opposed) can you invite into your life?

***

dare to dreamgirl:  Jessica Gooley
Congrats [Jessica]!  Your darling animals [Belly Button Bunch] are worthy of promotion...I will feature on my blog soon.   Dana King

Kudos to Dana for her systergy. Dana not only provided advice, she supported Jessica by posting about the Belly Button Bunch on her blog.   For another lovely example of systergy, take a look at Macy's blog.      

***

Getting in the game
When you are playing the game you are always a winner!  Barbara Torris

Great point Barbara.  I think that sometimes we are so concerned about playing the game perfectly that we fail to show up.  And yet when we show up, and suit up, some amazing things can happen.  Remember the 'what if' game.  What if you hadn't gone to that one event you almost didn't go to?

***

What is your dream? 
Word of caution:  Trust is a key element. Only engage those whom you trust can offer objective, constructive criticism. And you must trust yourself to handle feedback without feeling judged.   Anna Giraldo-Kerr

Thank you Anna.   Trust is so important isn't it?  Trust that they will give constructive advice AND trust that they care about us.  The Simon, Paula, Randy archetypes come to mind.

***

When we say 'no'
In Peggy's April 15 post, she writes "some times we seek validation by being needed by others", which leads us to say 'yes', when we would really prefer to say 'no'. 

I continue to be fascinated by the words 'yes' and 'no', they are such powerful, powerful words.  Have any of you conducted the experiment of saying 'no' for a day, considering what your 'no's meant you were saying 'yes' to? 

***

American Idol:  Which judge are you?
Note that Simon has been loved OVER TIME, his value was not seen in the first episode of the first season...Do we give the "Simon's" in our life a chance for continued feedback or do we shut them off once they deliver the first "harsh" news?   Stacey Petrey

Have there been people in our lives that we didn't appreciate immediately, but because we were stuck with them (by choice or unavoidable circumstance) they have come to be among our most trusted advisors?  For those of us who are 'Simon-like', what are we doing to ensure that feedback is delivered in a way that it can actually be heard?

Thank you again to each of you for your comments both on and off-line! Keep 'em coming!