dare to dream

Looking for the 'I' in the Twilight Series

I just finished Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn which, like the first three novels, I read in less than 24 hours.

But even as I continue to read and buy her books, I find myself increasingly discombobulated.

There are so many things to like.

The deeply romantic 'girl-gets-swept off her feet by two knights in shining armor' plot.

The fact that 'Bella is loved because she exists - not because she does everything right - and deep down this is what we all want -- to be loved for our very existence', as Janna commented in my "Allure of the pom-pom" post (see below); being loved for our very existence should be (I believe is) an inalienable right.

Then there's Bella's relatedness and nurturing and connecting, traits innate to women, which all too often are under appreciated by others, as well as ourselves.

And yet, believing as I do -- in the importance of moving ourselves to the center of our life story, learning to establish priorities, to accomplish goals, to learn to say no -- I've found myself in a surprising love/hate relationship with Meyer's books.

Because as hard as I try, I just can't find the 'I'-dentity.

Whether it's Bella having no interest in an education, to her continual physical danger from which she needs to be rescued, to her inability to set boundaries.

In response to a prior post (see 'An A or F on the Galadriel Test' below) some have noted that Bella and Edward do not engage in pre-marital sex. Which is true. But only because of Edward's unusual self-control.

Even if I set aside the unrealistic world view that there are more than a few men who could resist their beloved throwing herself at him, I am very uncomfortable with the idea of being beholden to another's integrity. Of doing the right thing not because I choose to, but because I happen to be surrounded by others who do.

Some days it would be nice -- I would like to be two again -- but most of the time I really do want to grow up, to embark on the Psyche-like journey of feminine development. I think most of us do.

Being loved is an inalienable right, but exercising choice is too.

Can you recommend any books with female characters that are both/and? Connected like Bella, but also learning to establish priorities, achieve goals, to exercise choice?

My friend Kathleen P just recommended the Sandra Gulland series "The Many Lives & Secret Sorrows of Josephine B."

I've only just begun the book, but maybe.

Any others?

Some of you are going to disagree with me -- some of you are going to wonder why I am spending so much time thinking about this, whatever your thoughts -- I'd love to hear them.

P.S. Sarah Palin was appointed the Republican VP nominee yesterday. Perhaps she's a both/and role model. Too early to really know. But early indications tell me she's someone to watch.

Related posts:
An 'A' or an 'F' on the Galadriel test?
Et tu, Whitney?
The allure of the pom-pom
What I've learned by identifying my heros
Second thoughts on Psyche's 2nd task

Living the dream. Life's a breeze. Not.

During a particularly challenging week at work, I happened upon an article by Robert S. Kaplan titled Reaching your Potential which offered up the teaser, "maybe you feel frustrated with your career--convinced you should be achieving more. You may even wish you had chosen a different career altogether."

I was definitely frustrated, and even discouraged, but did I wish I had chosen a different path?

Not really.

As I reflected on Kaplan's article, I realized that I'm right where I want to be.

In sharing this insight with one of my friends, she kindly, but pointedly asked,

"Did you really think that living your dream isn't challenging, discouraging, and difficult?"

To which I sheepishly replied, "No."

The truth is there's a pretty large shred of me which believes that in living my dream, life will be breezy.

This isn't, and can't be, true -- am I the only one who wants it to be?

Do you remember Psyche's 3rd task?

The task that requires her to fill a flask with water from a raging river alongside a craggy cliff, a task which is a metaphor for our learning to accomplish goals against inevitable distractions and tough odds.

This image is copyrighted by Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008.

Would it be accurate to say that Psyche didn't choose to be on the hero's journey? That she wasn't precisely where she wanted and needed to be? That she didn't want to accomplish her goal?

No, no and no.

But it was difficult.

It is for us too.

After one of your tough days, do you find yourself wondering if you really are living your dream? If you're not -- then that is another conversation. If you are, do you ask why things aren't easier? Why do you think we believe this?

Did you notice how Psyche delegated the task of filling the flask to the eagle? As we are dreaming, whether our dream involves full-time mothering, full-time careering, or some amalgam of the two, what tasks can we delegate?

If you were to interview dare to dreamgirl Dana King, who recently started designHop clubs, and has been featured in St. Louis Magazine, will she tell you she is happily living out her dream? Absolutely. Will she tell you it's easy? I'll let you ask her.

Or if you were to interview Rebecca Nielsen, the mother of young twin daughters, who recently wrote about Rightsizing our dream, what will she say? Easy? Hard? Both?

Related posts:
The Myth of Psyche
Psyche's 3rd Task
Second thoughts on Psyche's 2nd task
dare to dreamgirl: Dana King
Sucker punch

Artist My 'I' Likes: Jane Maxwell

My friend Liz and I discovered the artist Jane Maxwell at an art gallery in Boston a few summers ago.

Some of you are going to love her work as much as I do. Which means that when I'm ready to buy a piece the price will be even higher.

But I just wanted to share.

Of my favorites, the first is 'Walking Girls'.

'Pick your Fruit' reminds me of of a photo I have of my mother who modeled in San Francisco in the early 1960's; I also remember going to orchards to pick apricots with her as a child.

Though I've read Ms. Maxwell's statement, her work has a slightly different meaning for me (as it well may for you). I see a both/and -- the connecting and caring that is symbolized by the fruit labels/the farmer's market -- and the 'I or identity piece of ourselves that I see in the stance of the women -- at least in the images that I like.

Bottom line -- I'm not quite sure why I love her artwork so much.

Isn't it usually that way?

We discover art, we love it, and only later we come to see how the art has named for us something that we somehow couldn't.

What is your response?

Do you like, dislike, love, hate -- or are you indifferent to her work?

What meaning do you make?

Related posts:

Blog I Like: Portabellopixie
Affirming our 'I'dentity
Farmer's market metaphor
Dreaming or deflecting?

Spoiler alert

I woke up this morning happy, rolled over, slept some more.

An hour later, I woke up again, giddy.

My husband took our children to visit with family for the day.

So I'm home alone without a list of a million things that I expect myself to get done because my perfectionist self is away as well...I kindly asked that she go on holiday -- and proceeded to give myself a permission slip...

To watch two episodes of What not to Wear (if anyone would like to nominate me -- would you please?)

To get up when I want to.

To think what I want to.

To do what I want to -- when I want to.

Used by permission from Swallowfield

What will I do today?

I don't know yet.

And I don't need or want to know.

My friend Jen said to me recently, "How can I 'dare to dream' when I don't even have time to think my own thoughts?"

She's absolutely right, isn't she?

If you don't quite have it in you to carve out a day alone 'just because', when your husband or boyfriend or roommates or parents or friends ask you what you want for your next birthday, tell them you want a day all by yourself -- in your very own house -- to think your own thoughts.

It's going to be hard to ask -- so before you do -- you may want to read: Martha and Mary, Psyche and choice, Asking for what we want, Making a place for your dream, Learning to 'Let it Be'.

A day by your self will feel indulgent.

It will spoil you.

And it will feel wonderful.

Have any of you done this recently?

Just how hard was it? Or not?

How did you feel?

Did you find there was there more, not less, of your self, more ability to care and connect?