My Photo

Grab your dream button

Power of Moms

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin

« Watching Oprah from the U.S. | Main | Planting cherry trees »

October 10, 2008


Whitney, I LOVED this. Honestly, I've felt that pull several times in my life and I've been the one resisting at times too...loved this, something to think about and watch for in the future. thanks

Okay, this is one post I can relate to. Sometimes I wonder if my husband wants to keep me tied down or if it's a perception because we're not communicating. Loved learning from you again. Amy Jo

Whitney - I LOVE your blog/s. Found them through Amy Jo. What great insights and thoughts you have. Hope you don't mind if I sneak over once in a while. Love, Becky

Your insights have created some much needed reflection. I put some of my dreams on the shelf to concentrate on the dream of children and an active, interesting home. There were many times over the years where all the miles run in 10 km races and the workshops and the callings and the projects could not answer the longing to dream about what else I could be or do. In a very short time, I will be an empty nester. While it does free up my time and resources, it has been unbelievably heart wrenching too. I became so skilled and competent and effective at being a stay at home mother. I juggled committees, church callings and some contract work on the side but mostly I listened to their pleas "What about me?" and stopped listening to my own internal music. I thought how wonderful it would be when they all left and I didn't have to worry about them anymore. Who knew though how empty these children's departures would leave me? Just recently, I sat sniffing my daughter's perfume on an old sweater she had left behind when she moved away. I recalled the first time I gazed into her eyes and wondered about the adventure that was ahead of us. Three more children added to the adventure and it has been such a joyful growing enriching sometimes frustrating often ambiguous time of my life. But as this last child applies for university acceptance, I see that this gig is almost done. At least in the way I created it over the last 27 years. The hour glass has relentlessly drained and I am desperately trying to push it back up. I have another 35-40 years left. And these aren't exactly the prime years for my brain or body. I will not always be so pathetic as I am right now feeling sorry for my loss and will dream new dreams and live them. I admire you younger women you are trying to balance both career and family and though it isn't always easy, you may find that when you arrive at the empty nest stage, you can just breath a sigh of relief because you have other things that you have mastered and achieved along the way.

Great post. To respond to the questions you pose, I reflected on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. I think our loved ones can be at a place of 'basic needs' while we are higher on the needs pyramid - ready to take our game to the next level. If we are not in the same place, then perhaps a separate initiative would be to discover why - then explore if you can move forward while supporting your loved ones with their progression such that we all feel sustained... Not easy!

"Is it possible that the resistance is less about their confidence in your ability to pursue the dream, and more about their concern that you will go away?"

Absolutely. However, as you suggest from the follow up question about the outcome of What Not to Wear, I wonder if it's not about the woman not being around physically - but rather, her "role" not being around any more.

Many relationships are based on the participants fulfilling roles for each other. When one person decides to no longer play a role (period) or change the role, the dynamic of the relationship must change. This change can threaten the life of the relationship if both participants will not adjust...

Which brings us to Whitney's idea about delegation. I am struck that this question is normally posed only to the woman - what are YOU going to have to delegate?

By my way of thinking, the duties of raising a family and sustaining a marriage are put into one pile. Husband and wife wisely and judiciously divvy out these responsibilities in a way that benefits themselves and the family as a whole. All too often we rely on traditional roles to guide this divvying task, rather than consciously, prayerfully, and thoughtfully determining what goes on whose plate.

I'm not suggesting a 50-50 split or anything of the sort, but rather, for men and women to come together in true partnership to determine "what needs to happen" for the healthy development of their family.

The comments to this entry are closed.

About this blog

  • When I took a sabbatical from Wall Street to pursue a different dream and help others live theirs, I learned that women in the U.S. may be placated, even pampered, but because we aren't dreaming, we are also desperate and depressed. Drawing on a variety of sources, ranging from academic studies to pop culture, dare to dream encourages us to dream. And then to act on our dreams.


  • Subscribe
Bookmark and Share

Tweet, tweet...

    follow me on Twitter