Christine Vick: Simply Living

 

In June, we will hear many thoughtful, compelling voices.

The first is Christine Vick, a stay-at-home to four kids who also enjoys editing and writing for the organizing website Store and Style she and her sister co-founded last November.  If she has a spare moment, she loves to cook, read and take walks.

After you read Christine's story, will you share your thoughts with her and us?  In leaving a comment, not only will you be eligible for a $75 gift certificate to a spa of your choice, you will be listening to another's voice -- and what better gift can we give to another than to listen?

***

My college self would be disappointed with my life today.

Back then, I had it all mapped out:  graduate in three years with a B.A. in English (check).  Serve a mission for the L.D.S. church (check).  Get an M.A. in English Literature (check).

But then I started to go off course:  Get a PhD (ummm...)  Secure a tenure track position by the time I'm 28 (ummm...again).  Have three kids (oops, four) and a white picket fence (nope).

Turns out my 18 year-old self couldn't see the whole picture.  Like that I'd be burned out by academia after my master's degree and feel miserable about applying for PhD programs.  Or that I'd quite like what I imagined then would be very mundane tasks:  cooking, decorating, organizing and hanging out with my kids.  I rarely say this out loud, but I don't even mind cleaning (except for doing the laundry--which is my Achilles heel). 

Image courtesy of and copyrighted by LaNola Kathleen Stone.

When I was younger, I dismissed any field or career that was less than rigorously academic as "fluff".  I don't know where I got this idea, because my parents have encouraged all my efforts and never pushed me in any direction. Nevertheless, this philosophy guided my early decisions and left me feeling like a failure when I found my studies unfulfilling.

By the second year of my MA program, I was unhappy, frustrated and fed up, but I couldn't admit (even to myself) that I wanted to quit.  The dream of being a professor had always defined me, and letting it go made me panic.  What would I do?  How could my life be relevant?

Pride played a big role too.  I'd always been so vocal about my goals (I'm still learning the value of saying less, a lot less) that I was just plain embarrassed not to follow through.  Especially when my fellow students were busy being accepted into PhD programs across the country.

My pain eased a bit when I moved East and took a part-time job with a small community newspaper.  I was no longer surrounded by academics and it became clear that most people aren't concerned with the roles of Renaissance women, applying continental philosophy to modern texts or deconstructing old English manuscripts.  They're just trying to earn a living, balance hectic lives, and find a little free time.

Two years ago I was approached by a friend of a friend who was starting her own magazine about organizing (a favorite topic and hobby of mine).  She was looking for part-time editors and wondered if I'd be interested.  

I said yes immediately.

One of the highlights of the job was a trip to North Carolina to interview the Flylady, Marla Cilley.  It was my first "business" trip, albeit with my 6 month-old in tow.  I enjoyed meeting Cilley who was fun, vivacious and full of empathy, hanging out with my boss, eating out, overcoming my fear of prop planes, and seeing the Biltmore Estate in Asheville.  It actually seemed more like a vacation than work, since I normally spend my days in Cinderella mode;  scrubbing, cooking, chauffeuring and trying to be patient with lots of little people with lots of needs.

 Image courtesy of and copyrighted by LaNola Kathleen Stone.

Being a part of Organize not only gave me the experience to start my own website Store and Style, it taught me a valuable lesson:  for a task to be valuable, it doesn't have to be weighty, solemn, or make history.

It just has to be important to me.  If it's fun too, even better.

I love editing--knowing what to add, move around or rework so an article shines. I love organizing--helping people see how a little order can make life easier and more enjoyable.  And I love making school lunches, reading to my son on the front porch while waiting for the bus, baking cookies and painting my daughter's fingernails.  Lucky for me, my life can encompass all of these activities.

Looking back, I'm glad I didn't pressure myself into starting a PhD program--I know I would have quit.

I'm also glad my college self is no longer in charge.

***

Christine's comment about what she likes to do versus what she thought she should like to do is a valuable insight.  Have you ever made a list of what you enjoyed doing each day (made you happy/was satisfying) and subsequently compared that list with what you've stated publicly makes you happy.  I have. Yup -- there were a few surprises.

And yes, LaNola Kathleen Stone's images are of Christine and her children in their home.

P.S.  After you leave a comment here (I'll announce the winner of the gift certificate on Monday, June 8), click through to www.storeandstyle.com and sign up for this week's giveaway.

Comments

[Jenny]

Christine,
You have so many realizations in print that many of us struggle with, but can't seem to internalize... I related strongly with your comment "They're just trying to earn a living, balance hectic lives, and find a little free time." I'm in that boat. I don't want out, just trying to find some time to row less and enjoy the scenery more. Thanks for a delightful post.

[Macy]

Such a fabulous post, Christine. Your home and family are a reflection of the fact that you love your life and the things you are doing.

[LaNola Kathleen Stone]

"... for a task to be valuable, it doesn't have to be weighty, solemn, or make history. It just has to be important to me."

This quote incapsulates what many, including myself, take too long to figure out. I have realized that I can live very simply and, after all, less stuff is easier to organize than lots of stuff. I need very little to be happy. I have great friends, possessions sufficient for my needs (or nearly so ;), the love a supportive and quality family (but not a perfect family), and goals that inspire me.

I guess it's about seeing a life for what it is and working hand in hand with God to refine this life a bit more. We can always do better-- but that realization ought to be looked at as an opportunity rather than a disappointment for what we are not, what we don't have, and how we fall short.

Thanks for your post Christine. It's an inspiring and honest story.

...and PS: I can vouch for how awesome Christine is!!! big kiss, lanola kathleen stone

[Dana King]

I am always inspired by "mommyprenuers". We have many in our church (ward) where young mom's are launching home-based businesses like you have. I have done an interior design business from home for the last seven years. Next year I will be an empty-nester and my time will be more my own... I can take what I am doing to the next level. I am grateful, as you will be, to have started something I love from which I can build.
My mother did the same thing. She studied in college to be a dental hygienist, but really didn't want to keep doing that. As she reflected, back then women had three choices, teacher, dental hygientist or nurse. When her last child was in high school she went for more schooling and then launched her home-based financial planning business. When we all finally flew the nest, she took the business outside.
My mom, in reflecting on the ride, would remind me that there is so much time to develop our talents and careers. She feared that my generation (I graduated high school in '81) was trying to do it all at once. Enjoy the ride and especially enjoy the children, she would remind me. There is plenty of time.
That was hard to remember or believe when I had crying two year olds. But I clearly see the wisdom now. My crying two year old is going off to college next year and I have years, God-willing, ahead of me.
You are enjoying the ride, not sitting still, respecting your passions and desires and honing your talents along the way. It's fun to see the path that develops when we are true to ourselves. Keep going!

[Janna]

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I am good at lots of things. In fact, I venture many women are as well. But, I learned several years ago that just because I am good at something doesn't mean I have to do it. Rather, what I HAVE to do is what brings me joy - deep, soul-satisfying joy.

Wow. That realization really brought things into focus.

[Lizzie Christensen]

Loved the post, Christine. I'm excited to check out your website.

[Lisle]

Funny how the English major doesn't really change your life all that much, does it? Mine applies to almost nothing in my world now, and yet I'm glad to have it.

I suspect you're on the right track, which is a good thing for those of us following you!

[Amanda Peterson]

Oh gosh, Christine, was this a fabulous post or what?! After my B.S., I vocally announced that I was applying to law school - did so, was accepted, but just couldn't do it - I did this two years in a row - applying, declining the acceptance b/c I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that what I had stated I wanted to do (after all, don't all smart girls go to law school) wasn't what I wanted at all. And Whitney, good idea to compare what we like to do with that we are actually doing. I always appreciate these moments to step back and re-evaluate where I am going.

[Heidi Benjaminsen]

I love Christine's insightful thoughts and I really enjoyed all the comments so far on this topic. I think it's probably a good thing that our 20-year-old selves wouldn't be too happy with us decade by decade later. As the years creep by, I've learned how much happier I am with the wisdom I learn in each stage and the insight I've gained to fill my life with what really matters (i.e. less stuff, more time with those I love). And I'm sure I have much, much, much more to learn.

I love Whitney's encouragement for women to dream and then work to fulfill their dreams. I also love the idea that we can fulfill many dreams in many stages of our lives. Right now I'm dreaming of the laundry being done and a few lunch dates with girlfriends being pinned down - in a few years the dreams will change. Here's to enjoying the ride!

[Mary]

I love this!

[Ashley Hoopes]

Great article! Letting go of fear, and following your passion are some of the hardest things to do. I have finally figured that one out and now I am at home with my three kids, while I put my career and education on hold. Trying to live in the present and live each moment to the fullest is my goal now. Thanks for this great reminder. Thank goodness that our college selves are not in control!

[Laura]

Read it and loved it! Christine is an amazing person!

[Rebecca Ellsworth Menzie]

Great way to start of June on Dare to Dream!

[Lee Chipman]

Sometimes what we want, is right there in front of us and we make it harder than it needs to be. Or sometimes what we want, we worry is not going to be acceptable to those who surround us! When you trust yourself, and listen to that voice inside of you, usually it works out! Here's to trusting yourself! Here's to hands that are usually covered with chocolate, carving pumpkins, rollerskating and looking at rocks! Here's to those valuable tasks that we did not take into account when we were in our 20's and planning our very important lives!
Thanks for the reminder that it is important to be true to what your heart is telling you.

Lee

[Bonnie]

Elder Eyring gave an amazing discourse entitled Education for Real Life. He says this: "Your life is carefully watched over, as was mine. The Lord knows both what He will need you to do and what you will need to know. He is kind and He is all-knowing. So you can with confidence expect that He has prepared opportunities for you to learn in preparation for the service you will give. You will not recognize those opportunities perfectly, as I did not. But when you put the spiritual things first in your life, you will be blessed to feel directed toward certain learning, and you will be motivated to work harder. You will recognize later that your power to serve was increased, and you will be grateful." Your degree may have not lead you to where you thought you were going, but it did expose you to great literature and text composition and analysis which understanding now brought you to this place where you can edit and organise. Your mind was being trained to do this even though you may not have known that at the time.

[Susan Webb-Shah]

One of the many reasons I love to call Christine--Friend. I too majored in English, but felt compelled as Heidi did to go to law school. Then life happened. My dream was never to go to law school, but as Heidi said, smart girls go to law school. Twenty years(ugh)later, on the far side of that, in an attempt to "create" a "simpler life" I have moved my family to a small farm in New Hampshire. But, to my dismay, life was STILL crazy hectic. And I guess it will be and thats great! What I have found through the guidance of insightful friends and family is that happiness is not what, where, when--but HOW. How we look at things, How we do things, How we react to things, How we prioritize things. I am not arguing before the Supreme Court, or shaping any policy--But I am creating world peace on a tiny little farm and shaping tiny little lives with big spirits and thats a dream (most days)! Thanks Christine!

[Sarah]

It's hard to admit many of those things out loud even though I feel similar. I wanted and planned on going to medical school in my twenties and now I am so glad it didn't turn out that way.

Thanks for a very eloquent and insightful article.

[Paula]

It's interesting to think about the difference between our younger self's plan and the reality of the life we now lead. Very though-provoking post.

[Lori Lyn]

I love how Christine starts out by contrasting her younger self's life plan with what actually happened. In many ways, I am so glad my younger self's life plan didn't turn out exactly. Because it turned out differently I have had the opportunity to do so many things I wouldn't have done otherwise. As others have noted--true happiness is following our own dreams now and realizing our dreams will change as we move through life's stages and that's ok.

[Nicole Rhind]

Absolutely a wonderful article. I have spent my few free "me" minutes today enjoying your story. I also enjoy painting my daughter's nails and making lunches! I look forward to checking out your site! Take care.

[Janika]

What great thoughts, Christine. I think we're a lot alike! I had the exact same checklist in college, but now I wonder, what was all the rush? I wish now I had taken more time for introspection and really figured out what I liked to do, rather than just focus on a strict timeline of what I thought I should do. I even had my Korean mission companion tell me (in the minutes before I left to go home) that if I wasn't engaged within 6 months of returning home, it meant I was a failure as a missionary! She kindly suggested that I try to sit on the plane by some of the more "promising" American elders, just to get a head start! Talk about timeline pressure!
Oh, and I'm so jealous you got to meet with FlyLady! She has been one of my heroes for almost 7 years. I found her site shortly after my twins were born and she really saved my life.
I look forward to reading more great ideas on your blog!

[Emily]

Wonderful! I know my high school self vs. my college self vs. my now self would love to get in a room and discuss where my life has gone. Of course I wouldn't change anything, I've had way too much fun!

[Melissa Stanton]

Christine: You're so right that sometimes the path you're on isn't the one you should take. But that can be hard to admit, especially when you're so invested in your plan.

Your post also speaks to the variety we as women can have in ours lives. We can pursue a pre-kids career, a stay-at-home mom career, a post-kids career. When we put away the corporate ladder mentality of the male-based work model we can have a life full of experiences rather than just resume filing achievements.

P.S. I could totally relate to your line "I'd always been so vocal about my goals (I'm still learning the value of saying less, a lot less) that I was just plain embarrassed not to follow through." I, too, think I tell more than I need to. (And now with blogging and the internet we're all at risk for providing "too much information"--or, in texting lingo, TMI.) However, fear of failing (or jinxing something I want) does keep me from talking about job interviews, or article pitches, or even my book until I really knew it was a real deal. Disappointment, when it happens, is easier when it isn't so public.

[Amy Jo]

I'm glad that you have found what makes you happy. Sometimes I still struggle with what it is I'm suppose to be doing with my life. Then I look around at my six boys and remember that it's them that will carry on my legacy for me.

[Julie Berry]

We talk so much about the courage to chase dreams. We talk less about the courage it takes to set a dream down, or to change our minds. Some dreams from youth may stay with us, but it's a blessing we don't have to answer to our young selves forever. Thanks for sharing this.