In June, we will hear many thoughtful, compelling voices.
The first is Christine Vick, a stay-at-home to four kids who also enjoys editing and writing for the organizing website Store and Style she and her sister co-founded last November. If she has a spare moment, she loves to cook, read and take walks.
After you read Christine's story, will you share your thoughts with her and us? In leaving a comment, not only will you be eligible for a $75 gift certificate to a spa of your choice, you will be listening to another's voice -- and what better gift can we give to another than to listen?
***
My college self would be disappointed with my life today.
Back then, I had it all mapped out: graduate in three years with a B.A. in English (check). Serve a mission for the L.D.S. church (check). Get an M.A. in English Literature (check).
But then I started to go off course: Get a PhD (ummm...) Secure a tenure track position by the time I'm 28 (ummm...again). Have three kids (oops, four) and a white picket fence (nope).
Turns out my 18 year-old self couldn't see the whole picture. Like that I'd be burned out by academia after my master's degree and feel miserable about applying for PhD programs. Or that I'd quite like what I imagined then would be very mundane tasks: cooking, decorating, organizing and hanging out with my kids. I rarely say this out loud, but I don't even mind cleaning (except for doing the laundry--which is my Achilles heel).
Image courtesy of and copyrighted by LaNola Kathleen Stone.
When I was younger, I dismissed any field or career that was less than rigorously academic as "fluff". I don't know where I got this idea, because my parents have encouraged all my efforts and never pushed me in any direction. Nevertheless, this philosophy guided my early decisions and left me feeling like a failure when I found my studies unfulfilling.
By the second year of my MA program, I was unhappy, frustrated and fed up, but I couldn't admit (even to myself) that I wanted to quit. The dream of being a professor had always defined me, and letting it go made me panic. What would I do? How could my life be relevant?
Pride played a big role too. I'd always been so vocal about my goals (I'm still learning the value of saying less, a lot less) that I was just plain embarrassed not to follow through. Especially when my fellow students were busy being accepted into PhD programs across the country.
My pain eased a bit when I moved East and took a part-time job with a small community newspaper. I was no longer surrounded by academics and it became clear that most people aren't concerned with the roles of Renaissance women, applying continental philosophy to modern texts or deconstructing old English manuscripts. They're just trying to earn a living, balance hectic lives, and find a little free time.
Two years ago I was approached by a friend of a friend who was starting her own magazine about organizing (a favorite topic and hobby of mine). She was looking for part-time editors and wondered if I'd be interested.
I said yes immediately.
One of the highlights of the job was a trip to North Carolina to interview the Flylady, Marla Cilley. It was my first "business" trip, albeit with my 6 month-old in tow. I enjoyed meeting Cilley who was fun, vivacious and full of empathy, hanging out with my boss, eating out, overcoming my fear of prop planes, and seeing the Biltmore Estate in Asheville. It actually seemed more like a vacation than work, since I normally spend my days in Cinderella mode; scrubbing, cooking, chauffeuring and trying to be patient with lots of little people with lots of needs.
Image courtesy of and copyrighted by LaNola Kathleen Stone.
Being a part of Organize not only gave me the experience to start my own website Store and Style, it taught me a valuable lesson: for a task to be valuable, it doesn't have to be weighty, solemn, or make history.
It just has to be important to me. If it's fun too, even better.
I love editing--knowing what to add, move around or rework so an article shines. I love organizing--helping people see how a little order can make life easier and more enjoyable. And I love making school lunches, reading to my son on the front porch while waiting for the bus, baking cookies and painting my daughter's fingernails. Lucky for me, my life can encompass all of these activities.
Looking back, I'm glad I didn't pressure myself into starting a PhD program--I know I would have quit.
I'm also glad my college self is no longer in charge.
***
Christine's comment about what she likes to do versus what she thought she should like to do is a valuable insight. Have you ever made a list of what you enjoyed doing each day (made you happy/was satisfying) and subsequently compared that list with what you've stated publicly makes you happy. I have. Yup -- there were a few surprises.
And yes, LaNola Kathleen Stone's images are of Christine and her children in their home.
P.S. After you leave a comment here (I'll announce the winner of the gift certificate on Monday, June 8), click through to www.storeandstyle.com and sign up for this week's giveaway.
Christine:
I saw so much of myself in your post - especially when you said you thought anything other than serious academia felt like "fluff" - I remember feeling that anything other than serious high-level non-profit change-the-world stuff was "fluff." I was always inclined towards interior design but felt that it wasn't altruistic enough. So I quickly left that interest by the wayside and went into international relations and education. While building our own house a few years ago, I got a chance to delve into design and I loved it - so much, in fact, that I started a little design business and helped several people design and build their homes. I realized that creating beautiful spaces made me happy - and made other people happy - and nothing that creates beauty is "fluff." Now I satisfy my design interest primarily with website design (for The Power of Moms), my new website and house design is on the back burner - but my meandering career paths have definitely taught me that pursuing something you really enjoy brings happiness and fulfillment that you can never get from "pounding a round peg into a square hole." You have to embrace your passions and find ways to fulfill what you feel are your purposes while using your natural inclinations and talents rather than forcing yourself to pursue only what feels most purely noble to you.
Thanks for such a thought-provoking piece!
Posted by: Saren | June 12, 2009 at 07:41 PM
My comment is a bit belated, but this post rings so true for me. When I was 18, I envisioned a very similar path for myself, one that was supposed to culminate in (you guessed it) a tenured professorship by my late 20s. Not attend graduate school? Impossible! A career outside academia? Selling out! And marriage? Enlightened feminist that I was, I was convinced that no one should get married before age 30.
Then, the summer after college graduation, I fell madly, deeply, head-over-heels in love. I had planned to spend a grad school resume-padding year teaching in France, but I only made the first leg of that flight. Then I turned around and flew back to the man I loved (and who happened to be my future husband).
Lots of people clicked their tongues and shook their heads at how I could give up such a great opportunity for a guy I'd only just met, but the beauty of being alive is that you must follow your own path.
My choice not to take that connecting flight (which, believe it or not, was in North Carolina!) led me down a path I could never have expected. I decided I didn't want to attend graduate school (gasp!). I found a fulfilling career outside academia (gasp!). And I married the love of my life at age 26 (double gasp!).
It's strange and wonderful that a single choice at a pivotal moment can shape so much of the trajectory of our lives, revealing to us not only who we are, but who we might become. Thanks for sharing your story, Christine. I'm glad you followed your heart.
Posted by: Robin Cangie | July 03, 2011 at 02:42 PM