dare to dream

Christine Vick: Simply Living

 

In June, we will hear many thoughtful, compelling voices.

The first is Christine Vick, a stay-at-home to four kids who also enjoys editing and writing for the organizing website Store and Style she and her sister co-founded last November.  If she has a spare moment, she loves to cook, read and take walks.

After you read Christine's story, will you share your thoughts with her and us?  In leaving a comment, not only will you be eligible for a $75 gift certificate to a spa of your choice, you will be listening to another's voice -- and what better gift can we give to another than to listen?

***

My college self would be disappointed with my life today.

Back then, I had it all mapped out:  graduate in three years with a B.A. in English (check).  Serve a mission for the L.D.S. church (check).  Get an M.A. in English Literature (check).

But then I started to go off course:  Get a PhD (ummm...)  Secure a tenure track position by the time I'm 28 (ummm...again).  Have three kids (oops, four) and a white picket fence (nope).

Turns out my 18 year-old self couldn't see the whole picture.  Like that I'd be burned out by academia after my master's degree and feel miserable about applying for PhD programs.  Or that I'd quite like what I imagined then would be very mundane tasks:  cooking, decorating, organizing and hanging out with my kids.  I rarely say this out loud, but I don't even mind cleaning (except for doing the laundry--which is my Achilles heel). 

Image courtesy of and copyrighted by LaNola Kathleen Stone.

When I was younger, I dismissed any field or career that was less than rigorously academic as "fluff".  I don't know where I got this idea, because my parents have encouraged all my efforts and never pushed me in any direction. Nevertheless, this philosophy guided my early decisions and left me feeling like a failure when I found my studies unfulfilling.

By the second year of my MA program, I was unhappy, frustrated and fed up, but I couldn't admit (even to myself) that I wanted to quit.  The dream of being a professor had always defined me, and letting it go made me panic.  What would I do?  How could my life be relevant?

Pride played a big role too.  I'd always been so vocal about my goals (I'm still learning the value of saying less, a lot less) that I was just plain embarrassed not to follow through.  Especially when my fellow students were busy being accepted into PhD programs across the country.

My pain eased a bit when I moved East and took a part-time job with a small community newspaper.  I was no longer surrounded by academics and it became clear that most people aren't concerned with the roles of Renaissance women, applying continental philosophy to modern texts or deconstructing old English manuscripts.  They're just trying to earn a living, balance hectic lives, and find a little free time.

Two years ago I was approached by a friend of a friend who was starting her own magazine about organizing (a favorite topic and hobby of mine).  She was looking for part-time editors and wondered if I'd be interested.  

I said yes immediately.

One of the highlights of the job was a trip to North Carolina to interview the Flylady, Marla Cilley.  It was my first "business" trip, albeit with my 6 month-old in tow.  I enjoyed meeting Cilley who was fun, vivacious and full of empathy, hanging out with my boss, eating out, overcoming my fear of prop planes, and seeing the Biltmore Estate in Asheville.  It actually seemed more like a vacation than work, since I normally spend my days in Cinderella mode;  scrubbing, cooking, chauffeuring and trying to be patient with lots of little people with lots of needs.

 Image courtesy of and copyrighted by LaNola Kathleen Stone.

Being a part of Organize not only gave me the experience to start my own website Store and Style, it taught me a valuable lesson:  for a task to be valuable, it doesn't have to be weighty, solemn, or make history.

It just has to be important to me.  If it's fun too, even better.

I love editing--knowing what to add, move around or rework so an article shines. I love organizing--helping people see how a little order can make life easier and more enjoyable.  And I love making school lunches, reading to my son on the front porch while waiting for the bus, baking cookies and painting my daughter's fingernails.  Lucky for me, my life can encompass all of these activities.

Looking back, I'm glad I didn't pressure myself into starting a PhD program--I know I would have quit.

I'm also glad my college self is no longer in charge.

***

Christine's comment about what she likes to do versus what she thought she should like to do is a valuable insight.  Have you ever made a list of what you enjoyed doing each day (made you happy/was satisfying) and subsequently compared that list with what you've stated publicly makes you happy.  I have. Yup -- there were a few surprises.

And yes, LaNola Kathleen Stone's images are of Christine and her children in their home.

P.S.  After you leave a comment here (I'll announce the winner of the gift certificate on Monday, June 8), click through to www.storeandstyle.com and sign up for this week's giveaway.

Listening to, Learning from.. and a Giveaway

Seeing oneself as acting in a movie or a play is not merely fantasy or indulgence; it is fundamental to how people work out who it is they are, and may become.  Benedict Carey

One of the best ways for us to 'find our voice' is to listen to those who have found theirs.  Because so many women, even successful women, find it difficult to claim a central place in their lives and in their own stories, finding self-assured women within our circle of loved ones may be difficult.  It is equally problematic to find women within the annals of literature and film who have moved to the center of their story. 

Over the past 2 1/2 years, you've occasionally heard voices other than mine.  They are lovely, compelling voices.  In June, you will hear many more. 

Courtesy of AshleyG at Etsy

As we give utterance to our ideas and dreams, we experience the catharsis that comes with saying what we think and feel out loud, especially when there are ears to hear, and we are heard -- really heard.

It has been said by a number of psychologists who study recovery from trauma that mourning without empathy leads to madness, and that the person who suffers loss must be able to give testimony to someone as a way of working-through and learning from this loss.  On these pages, we won't necessarily be speaking of loss, but the principle of 'being heard' applies nonetheless.

Recognizing that listening is difficult, especially when we are so busy, I propose that we multitask.

When you post a comment during the month of June, you will not only be hearing another's voice, you will be eligible for the random giveaway of a $75 gift certificate to a spa of your choice.

And by listening to and learning from one another, we will experience systergy.

Source:  istockphoto

Ground rules are as follows:

1)    When you leave a comment, you become eligible.

2)     If there are (3) posts in a week, and you post a comment on each of the (3) posts, your name will be entered 3x.

3)    The first contest will begin June 1, and end June 7 at midnight (EDT); the winner will be announced by Monday evening, June 8; there will be four certificates given away, one per week.

4)    While it is likely that much of what is written is primarily applicable to women, comments from men (especially from friends, fathers, husbands, sons) are welcome and encouraged; men can no doubt bring some unique insights to our discussions.  Should a man win the gift certificate, he is obviously welcome to keep it... or give it to you. 

 

Source:  istockphoto

5)   If you win one week, you won't be eligible the next; I hope that you'll comment regardless.

6)   Sady, I'm not eligible for the prize, nor anyone in my family, she says with a wink, because I really would love a foot or head massage right about now.

P.S.  If any of my guest bloggers want to give away a 'prize' as part of your post, bring it on -- and if you're not sure what to give away, let's chat.

Be My Guest

I've contracted with Design Mom to buy a week's worth of advertising beginning June 2.  According to the Wall Street Journal and Martha Stewart Living, Design Mom is one of the top motherhood blogs.

Which is actually somewhat problematic as I don't have the bandwidth to blog every day.

More importantly, 'dare to dream' is not only about me, but also about you, your dreams, and providing a safe place to find your voice.

I've already asked a few of you to guest blog, but are there others that would like to be my guest?

I couldn't possibly identify every one of you that has an idea you'd like to explore, a blog you'd like more people to read, a non-profit you'd like to get funded, photographic essay you'd like more people to see, or an entrepreneurial venture you'd like to build, etc.

When you read this invitation, if you just 'know' that it's been personally extended to you OR someone you know....

Used by permission.  Copyright Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008.

,,,the guest protocol is simple:

1.    Your post must in some way 'tell your story', sharing with us your voice, dream or both.

2.    RSVP deadline -- Saturday, May 23.

• If you'd like to participate and have 2-3 possible ideas or none, e-mail me – we’ll brainstorm together.

3.    Submission deadline – Saturday, May 30.

• Once submitted, I will copy-edit, and include images if needed, providing to you a draft for final approval.

Would you like to be my guest?

Books and Binding

On Friday, May 8, we had our Boston-based Resolutionary Challenge celebration at Henrietta's Table.  As we sat in the springtime sunshine, the conversation turned to our love of books, and how during the course of our 12-week challenge, the online discussion of books, more than any other thread, seemed to bind us to one another, many of whom we had never met.

Is it possible that like Liesel in The Book Thief, when we share stories, especially great ones, there is an express fondness for those with whom we share, as well as a seeing of both ourselves and our shared humanity in these stories?

By request, I've compiled the list of books recommended by this year's Resolutionaries.  If a book was recommended by more than (1) person, I'll include the total count in parentheses.  If I've read and can recommend the book, I'll asterisk.

Happy reading!

Fiction

1. A Thousand Splendid Suns -- Khaled Hosseini
2. Bless Me, Ultima -- Rudolfo Anaya
3. Gilead -- Marilynne Robinson (3)
4. Love Marriage - V.S. Ganeshananthan
5. Peace Like a River -- Leif Enger (2)
6. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society -- Mary Ann Schaffer and Annie Barrows
7. The Kite Runner -- Khaled Hosseini
8. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency -- Alexander McCall Smith (*)
9. The Road -- Cormac McCarthy
10. The Secret Life of Bees -- Sue Monk Kidd (2)
11. Uncle Fred in the Springtime - P.G. Wodehouse

Historical Fiction

1. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
2. Here Be Dragons -- Sharon Kay Penman Ines of My Soul - Isabel Allende
3. Moloka'i -- Alan Brennert (2)
4. Sarah's Key -- Tatiana de Rosnay
5. The Book Thief -- Marcus Zusak (4) (*)
6. The Many Lives and Secret Passions of Josephine B -- Sandra Gull (*)
7. The Game of Kings -- Dorothy Dunnett

Classics

1. Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton (1)
2. East of Eden - John Steinbeck (*)
3. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (*)
4. Wives and Daughters - Elizabeth Gaskell

Mystery

1. The Camel Club - David Baldacci

Young Adult Fiction

1. Amaranth Enchantment -- Julie Berry (3)(*)
2. Book of a Thousand Days -- Shannon Hale (*)
3. Fablehaven -- Brnadon Mull
4. The Giver -- Lois Lowry (2)(*)
5. The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman  

Note:  My daughter and I prepared a list of questions re:  Amaranth Enchantment for mother-daughter book clubs. Click here to download. 

Non-Fiction

1. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle:  A Year of Food Life -- Barbara Kingsolver et al
2. Blink - Malcolm Gladwell (*)
3. Outliers -- Malcolm Gladwell (2)(*)
4. The Peacegiver - James L. Ferrell
5. The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell (2)(*)

Autobiography

1. Me Talk Pretty One Day -- David Sedaris
2. Personal History -- Katharine Graham (*)
3. West with the Night -- Beryl Markham (*)

  Any books I left out?

Celebrating Our Woman-ness

I wonder if you will see these two poems in opposition to one another, or as two sides of the same coin.

After you read them, will you share your thoughts?

***  

The final (and my favorite) song in Macy Robison's cabaret-style recital Children Will Listen is The Story Goes On by Maltby and Shire.  Her rendition gives utterance to the raw joy that I felt as I welcomed children into my world. 

So this is the tale my mother told me
That tale that was much to dull to hold me
And this is the surge and the rush she said would show
our story goes on.

Oh, I was young
I forgot that things outlive me.
My goal was the kick that life would give me
And now, like a joke,
something moves to let me know
our story goes on.

And all these things I feel and more, 
my mother's mother felt, and hers before
A chain of life begun upon the shore of some dark sea
has reached to me.

Source:  istockphoto

And now I can see the chain extending
My child is next in a line that has no ending
And here am I full of life 
that her child will feel when I'm long gone
And thus it is 
our story goes on.

***

During the Resolutionary Challenge, Janna Taylor shared Mary Oliver's poem The Journey with all of the resolutionaries, reminding that in the midst of caring and connecting -- and especially mothering -- it's important to care for and connect to ourselves.

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

Source:  istockphoto

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save. 

***

The article 5 Scientific Reasons Mom Deserves Mother's Day is both interesting and affirming.  Is it affirming in part because it was written by a male scientist? (Thanks to @guykawasaki for flagging).

What do you think?  And how do you feel?

Are women both/and?  Or either/or?

Jennifer Johnson: 'May Fortune and Failure Not Deter Me'

There is something powerful about writing down our dreams in the form of a personal creed or declaration. Thank you to Jennifer Johnson, the founder and president of Coraticum Asset Management (bio below), for sharing hers with us. 

May Fortune and Failure Not Deter Me

If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And meet those two impostors just the same..
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more-you'll be a [Woman my daughter]!
-Rudyard Kipling

These words regarding triumph and disaster initially seemed to me to be glib or even poor advice.  Why should we not celebrate successes and mourn our losses?  

Is it not human to do so?  

But there is danger in adulation.  Fame incessantly calls for a pause to acknowledge and to enjoy the appreciating crowds, creating friction in moving toward greater achievement.  With the brilliance of artificial lights in one's eyes and the deafening applause in one's ears, it is difficult to see and think clearly, making it impossible to see what is in the shadows or to hear what is whispered.

Source:  istockphoto

Fame faced Florence Nightingale when she returned to an adoring public after the horrors of the Crimean War.  Having been so dogmatically opposed by family, public opinion and bureaucracy, and permanently weakened from the Crimean fever herself, Ms. Nightingale could have justifiably taken a break.  She had saved lives and dramatically altered the public perception of nursing.  (At that time, nurses were either Catholic nuns -- in Protestant England -- or immoral women tainted by sleeping on the same hospital floors as the patients.)  

 

However, Ms. Nightingale's greatest accomplishment came after she had achieved notoriety, when she took on the greatest bureaucracy of her day, the British War Department, thereby not only making permanent her work for nursing, but also institutionalizing more human treatment of the foot soldier.  

 

***

Disaster is equally deceptive.  A horrifying disaster can color one's perception so completely as to destroy all self-initiative and self-esteem. If instead disaster is viewed as a temporary period of learning, then hope is preserved and exellence continues in its incubation.

 

Thomas Edison can be viewed as one who treated successes as impostors since no invention stopped him from accumulating 1,000 patents in his name.  Perhaps more impressive is how he dealt with disaster.  Arguably his "sucesses" are the fruit of how he treated failures as experiments or opportunities.  His invention of the first commercially viable incandescent light bulb came after trying over 1,600 different materials for the filament.

 

 

At 67 years old, a fire wiped out many of his profitable enterprises.  Edison reportedly said, "We'll build up bigger and better than ever.  Why should I be downhearted?"  Not many people immediately look upon a pile of ash as an opportunity for something bigger and better.  A trusted assistant once wrote "Edison is indefatigable.  No kind of failure, however disastrous affects him."

It is so easy to mistake my accomplishments or errors as permanent and associate them with my intrinsic value.

I don't want it to be this way.

I therefore hereby commit my energies, concentration, and resources to view all my seeming successes and failures as stepping stones of learning and opportunity. 

Have you ever composed a personal creed, written down your dreams?  

What important contributions might you have not made had you stopped after an early success?

I've written about the limelight in The Galadriel Test, but never about failure.  I'm intrigued by Jennifer's discussion; our failures can not only debilitate us, but also our posterity.  Has this ever happened to you?

Do you have a personal creed and/or dream that you would be willing to share?

*** 

Jennifer Johnson, CFA, is the founder and president of Coraticum Asset Management.  She is also the fund manager, directing and executing all investment strategies.  Ms. Johnson graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor of science degree from Brigham Young Univeristy and later returned to receive an MBA degree from the Marriott School of Management.  From 2001 through 2006, Ms. Johnson worked as an equity portfolio manager at Ensign Peak Advisors, the investment affiliate of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Her commitment to lifelong learning includes the completion of the CFA program (2006) and two sequential language immersion programs at the Spanish Language School of Middlebury College in Vermont.