Alyson Jenkins: Be Your Own Batman

Alyson Jenkins is the mother of two young sons and lives with her husband in the city of Boston. While she is enjoying her time as a stay at home mom, she dreams of a day when she can return to her professional helping role in psychotherapy, treating children and their families. In addition to receiving a Masters in Clinical Social Work from Simmons College, Alyson is an avid marathoner and fitness enthusiast. If you don't see her running or biking the city roads, she can be usually be found in her kitchen surrounded by vegetables, experimenting.  She authors The Doubting Daikon, a blog where she chronicles her family's journey toward eating natural, organic, local, and sustainable whole foods.

After you leave a comment here (for the $75 gift certificate), click through to Alyson's blog to read about her most recent Batman and Robin feat.

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One of my dad’s friends always said, “What’s better than one Meidell?  My sister and I would grin shouting in unison, “Two Meidells!”  In our small California town, I was Brooke’s little sister, one of Pat’s daughters, and Mr. Meidell’s youngest girl (though people often thought my dad was my grandpa).  Though I knew where I belonged, my life felt solely defined by my relationships -- by being someone else's something.

Moving to a new city and later going on to college in a different state was an opportunity to develop my own identity, but when I married and eventually had children, I began to feel a bit lost again.  I'm no longer Brooke's little sister, but I'm Mackay or Grant's mom or David's wife.  Even before I married, because I have a Master's degree in Clinical Social Work, my life was focused on helping others, pushing for social change.  And while I love and cherish all of these roles, they've made it difficult to further develop an independent identity:  to be MY something.

Thinking about being the hero of my own journey, thanks to Whitney's inspiration, has really changed my life.  As a woman and social worker, by nature and by training, being Robin -- someone else's something -- has been easy.  Realizing I can also be Batman -- my something -- has been life-altering. 

 

I've never felt like a hero.  No single bound leaping here.  However, when I look back on my past through this new lens, I see small acts of heroism.  My first Batman experiences were leaving the city of my birth, going to college, obtaining degrees, and getting married, to name a few. 

Before all this hero talk, I would have said it ended there, I think it's actually just beginning.  I didn't recognize it then, learning to Be my Own Batman began in earnest after I had my first baby six years ago. Being a stay-at-home to a newborn was tedious, and truth-be-told, a little boring at times. 

I looked to the women around me to learn something new.  Judy taught me to knit.  Ann taught me to sew.  Stacey showed me the art of book binding.  Heidi passed on her knowledge of jewelry making; I did end up selling my jewelry to boutiques.  I then taught myself to cook, researching recipes and trying out new foods.  And with some inspiration from my brother, I ran my first marathon.  This was all just in the first year.  When I look closely enough, I see in my actions small acts Batman-like heroism by finding space in my life for me. 

As women we often identify heroics with Robin-like rescue missions.  Who else can fly in and whip up a healthy meal from the paltry ingredients left in the fridge, complete with hors d'oeuvres and dessert for the friends who drop in?  Who else can negotiate with insurgents to rescue an ill-fated art project from the grips of devious younger siblings?  Encounter and restore order to a flooded laundry room and fix an unintentionally broken lamp?  In my Robin world, this is a typical Monday night, but it is my Batman moments that provide the fuel.

I love being Robin, riding along in my husband and children's sidecars, championing all their efforts to move forward, but when I also see myself as Batman, with my husband and children riding along in my sidecar, I'm happier -- so much happier -- and not coincidentally, a much better Robin.

Will you put on the cape?

Be your own Batman?

How does your perspective change when you think of yourself as both Robin and Batman?  Mary and Martha?

As you about brushing up on your Batman skills, what will you do differently?  If you are currently in Batman shape, but moving into Robin territory, what will you do to hang on to Batman?

After you leave a comment here (for the $75 gift certificate), click through to Alyson's blog to read about Alyson's most recent Batman and Robin feat. 

 

Comments

[Rebecca]

I absolutely see that I am happiest when I am going forward with my roles and dreams with the support of my family, and ALSO play Robin to them as they forge their own paths. I love this analogy.
Also, Allyson, I'm so glad you shared your path to a healthier diet in so candidly. It makes me appreciate my garden & want to have more health-related dialogue in our family. It's something we rarely address, but clearly should be discussing more often. Thanks for sharing!

[Macy]

I just love this analogy. Thank you so much for sharing it. I'm filing it away for inspiration in the future when it's time for me to put on my cape.

[Luisa Perkins]

I like this metaphor! Sometimes I feel like I'm my own hero and supervillain rolled up into one.

[Matt Langdon]

I think the key here is that there are LOTS of different types of heroes. Robin's heroics are no less important than Batman's - just different. Look at your own heroic acts and be proud.

[Jenny]

The day I met you, I also met with four other incredible women. I walked away remembering that very phrase and thinking the most about you. Honestly it has motivated and inspired me. I don't know why it has been so surprising for me to learn that my family will happily take on the Robin role when I want to be the Batman. I never thought to assume that I could be the achiever when I have stewardship over so much involving each one of them. It's liberating. But not natural to me yet. This post is a great reminder. Thanks!

[Bonnie Tonita Whtie]

Yes I loved the metaphor too. And I agree with Matt those both are types of heros. We tend to think of the main character as the hero but what would Macbeth have been without Macduff. Juxtaposed beside one another you see the complete picture.

[Lisle]

I love this post! Those are some great analogies, and the picture of Batman is perfect. I've never even considered my life in those terms; maybe it's time to look at it...

[Janna]

I have a good male friend who shared with me that recently he told his wife, "You have to take time for yourself deliberately, because we will never give it to you willingly." What a gift! What a great partner!

I think that many of us, particularly moms, are on autopilot in regards to being Robin. It's like our default position. It's fantastic that we have others to remind us that at certain times, being Batman is essential to our health and personal growth.

[Mercedes]

i loved this! i am trying to find a balance between being a robin and being a batman. it's hard sometimes to know how much time and energy to devote to each role. all i know for sure is that they are both important. thank you for reminding us all of this.

as a complete aside--i checked out your blog and think it is WONDERFUL. i am so interested in CSA's and organic locally grown or produced foods. i live in cambridge and want to join a csa do you have any advice about choosing one?

[Melissa Stanton]

Allyson: I agree, women are so often defined by their relationships to others. (I wrote an essay on the topic last year. It's on my blog if you're interested.) Having a career often becomes someone's identity, but when your career is managing a home as a stay-at-home mom, your job title becomes Junior's mom, John's wife, etc. You can start to feel, 'What happened to me?' You are right that what we do every day is heroic. Lots of people can't handle caring for kids all day. (Luisa: You're right, too. The day to day can be a tug-of-war between being a superhero and a supervillian!)

[amy jo]

Batman was my hero growing up, so I really like your metaphor. Championing my children's causes is my life now, but as long as I'm championing, I know I'll be able to move on when my children are more independent.

[Ann R.]

Alyson, Thanks for helping me get some batman back into my life after surviving bedrest, preemie twins, and the first year after. Those ridiculously early (and cold) training runs and the climactic half-marathon jump-started me on some essential Batman behavior. Good for my body, good for my soul (and therefore, in an amazing Robin-like bonus, also good for all those who live with me!). I'm hooked on running (my mother-in-law says maybe it's because I've never had so much to run away from!) and it remains a gift of health and sanity and social fulfillment I give myself dutifully. I owe it all to my super hero inspiration, you, running next to me until I was able to fly on my own.

[Teresa Whitehead]

I couldn't help but think of a piece I recently heard on NPR when I read this. See "Giving Ed McMahon His Due," http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105825636.

Perhaps filling the role of a sidekick makes you even more qualified to be the hero. I very much agree with Alyson that being Batman makes you a better Robin; how does being Robin make you a better Batman?

[Alyson Jenkins]

I thought I wrote a comment some time ago, but realize it must have never went through.

I am overjoyed by your comments and it feels good to be heard and understood.

Teresa, your question is one of the keys left untouched, thank you for ask in it. Being a good Robin has shaped and further honed my perspective of the world. It is my Robin work that has allowed me the training ground to develop more Batman-like characteristics.

Thank you so much for all of your comments. Mercedes, you can go to www.localharvest.org to find a farmer's market, CSA, or organic u-pick fields in your area.