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June 25, 2009


I really liked Marie's quote. How perfect for her and her children, since they're a family. Also, I love the analogy of adopting a dream, rather than birthing it. Sometimes I think the thought of creating a new something might hold me back more than hoping on another great idea and having that be my dream. Great post!

I really liked this post, especially the comment that parenthood is not about biology and that adoption doesn't happen because the children are bad. Stereotypes can have such a profound effect upon people's views... even when the stereotypes are incorrect. All children deserve love and a feeling that they are safe and secure, and if that happens best through adoption, great!

I also liked the idea of connecting the idea of adoption to adopting a dream. I don't feel like I am very creative, so this helps me feel more free to learn from other's dreams and adopt them into my own life!

I really enjoyed 'what I need to know'. I have a friend who did a blended approach: adopting 2 children from Russia and after 10 years of IVF, one painful pregnancy where she lost one of her twins but the other is doing well.
Honestly, I had no idea your girls were adopted and I am sure I blundered through that conversation when I first discovered it - I would love to know 'the best' way to respond to: Oh, my children are adopted...

How great that you willing to share how you got your family! I suspect it takes a great amount of courage to go into an adoption--it's a huge commitment of time, funds, and openness. And unlike biological parenting, where costs can mount up over time and parents may not realize how much they're putting in, you've had to put all that effort in at the beginning to prove you really want it. Good for you!

Lovely. There was a beautiful post about adoption over at Segullah yesterday...
What a great topic.

I remember hearing/reading that comment by Marie perfect. I would think that having this absolute inclusionary way of parenting is ideal for the adoptive children as well. They aren't an asterisk, but an equal member of the family.

Michele - Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Both your daughters are beautiful and you have a simply wonderful family. You've given me a lot of great things to think about.

My sister is adopted from Korea. My daughters have several friends who have been adopted from China. I like that my kids accept that you don't have to look like the people in your family to be family. P.S. You might want to check out The author has a lovely story about adopting a baby girl, and then becoming pregnant very soon after with another.

Thank you all for your lovely comments and links. For obvious reasons I am very passionate about this subject and love any opportunity to help educate.

(And Rebecca yes! it is ALL about the children!)

Stacey, your question is a great one. I've been in many of those exact situations and people have felt very uncomfortable because of not knowing what to say. Sometimes I don't tell people simply because of that, and sometimes (more as they get older) because it is really my children's story to share and I want to protect that.

I'm going to have to think about this one...

I saw the trailer for the film you are referencing and I was abhorred. I have encouraged family and friends to boycott the film because of its negative (and false) messages about adoption. Thank you for addressing it here!

I am also a mother - one daughter was adopted and one is biological. Unlike some adoptive families, we are unable to pick and choose who we share our adoption story with. We are caucasian and one of our daughters is Ethiopian. Needless to say, we answer a great many questions wherever we go. We fully anticipated this, but there have been moments when it would be nice to grocery shop without being an advertisement for adoption. Although in some ways maybe we have it 'easier' because the decision to share vs. not share has already been made for us.

And you I must agree that whether one has birthed or adopted your dream, s/he is equally beautiful and treasured.

I think because I have some unique experiences with adoption it seems much more public in my circle of friends and family. From old boyfriends who were adopted, to college roommates who have adopted and even considering it myself -- I'm early 30's and might not ever get married. It's very interesting the feelings about adoption that are raised. I see my best friend explain to her 3 1/2 year old that this mother's day card is for his birth mom. He might not get it yet but they constantly reinforce the fact that he has two moms who love him very much. My other roommate adopted an african-american baby who is also 3 1/2 now. They were thrilled when they got the call (her husband has cystic fybrosis) to add to their family. Little did they know that members of their immediate families had deep seeded prejudices that had never surfaced before. It took some adjusting for her to see how her family looked in other people's reactions, one child blond hair blue eyes could really be biologically theirs and brown hair brown eyes and brown skin obviously not their own. To the old boyfriend who found his birthmother with the help of Melissa Gilbert (also adopted). Adoption is about love and creating your family with the help of others.

I found this whole discussion very troubling and yet very thought provoking. Troubling in that we continue to have so many prejudices and thought provoking in the idea of how biology doesn't necessarily make us good parents. I sat on the LDS Social Services board for adoption. I never once failed to be touched by the powerful decision of a young woman to give up her baby. Nor the serrendipitous circumstances that always placed the baby with the right family. The Spirit was always so abundant and truly miracles right before our eyes were manifest. For all of us, mothering doesn't just happen when the sperm penetrates the zygote. Mothering is a series of little victories, small obstacles, tender kisses, bruised knees and unmet expectations. It is available to all women - in all circumstances.

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About this blog

  • When I took a sabbatical from Wall Street to pursue a different dream and help others live theirs, I learned that women in the U.S. may be placated, even pampered, but because we aren't dreaming, we are also desperate and depressed. Drawing on a variety of sources, ranging from academic studies to pop culture, dare to dream encourages us to dream. And then to act on our dreams.


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