Saydi Eyre Shumway: The Snapshot That Changed My Life

Saydi Eyre Shumway holds a B.A. from Wellesley College and a Masters in Social Work from Columbia.  She has worked as a social worker for all kinds of agencies supporting families, both in the U.S and as a volunteer abroad.  Currently she devotes most of her time to raising three small children; she also runs Saydi Shumway Photography a child and family portrait photography business.  She is passionate about photography, travel and adventure, though currently her biggest adventures are trips to Target with three screaming children to see what kind of diapers are on sale.

After you read Saydi's story, click through to her blog, and leave a comment to become eligible for a family mini-photo shoot in September 2009.

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Here’s my story—a common story, I’m finding out:

I had some expectations for my life, and my life isn’t turning out as expected.  I expected I’d go to college, serve a mission for my church, maybe attend graduate school and then get married, work for a while and have kids.  That all happened.  Perhaps not in the same way or as quickly as I thought it would, but it happened.  What happened after that is where the “unexpected” comes in.

I had my first two kids close together—sixteen months apart—and it was planned.  My thinking?  I’m devoting my life to this motherhood career right now, might as well pack it in, like I do with everything else.  It seemed sensible, like a good, sound plan, but living through that plan was harder than I had expected.

Much harder.

I expected that the first 18 months with two small children would be killer, but after that, things would get better.  Even when my second was well over two I felt far from having things under control. I didn’t see myself as the mom I’d always wanted to be.  I had envisioned myself cheerfully discovering life with my kids: devouring books with them, taking them out to bask in the wonders of nature, experimenting, crafting, cooking, serving. I thought I’d be that cool mom who enjoys spontaneity but also runs a tight ship, teaching my kids to be polite, make good decisions, obey, work hard.

The reality was that I was tired and disorganized most of the time.  I didn’t have a structured discipline strategy.  I ‘lost it” more often than I’d like to admit, and I could barely get through the piles of laundry, let alone take that weekly trip to the library.  Instead it was a monthly library trip, mostly to lug back the ambitious bag of unread, overdue books.

Around that time my dear friend snapped a picture of me and my son Charlie at the beach. She emailed it to me one night and I printed it out and looked at it, and looked at it, and looked at it.

After I got past how I didn’t like my hair and my nose, etc. (sometimes that’s all we see in pictures of ourselves) I saw the beautiful, authentic reality of my mothering captured in this moment and revealed in this image.

I realized that looking in on that scene felt vastly different from living it. The image did not present a haggard, unorganized, failure of a mother like I probably felt at points during that day, and that week, and that month.  Instead, this photograph depicted a happy, fulfilled mom, drinking in her delighted little boy, sitting securely on her lap.  It captured the tiny bit of perfection that exists in my life….yes, it’s small, but it was real at that moment. The picture helped me see that there is joy and love and satisfaction and even magic in my life, it’s just hard sometimes to see it through the cloudy monotony of my daily mothering routine. 

I put this picture on my fridge where I could look at it every day for two reasons:

1. It reminds me that I do love mothering, that I love my kids, that they love me. 
2. It is a tangible representation of the mom I want to be, and the feeling I want to create with my kids: comfortable, happy, secure, delighted.

The philosopher Meister Eckhard said, "When the soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her and enters into her own image." The picture of Charlie and me on the beach is the image that my soul wants to experience.  Having it on my fridge helps me to remember to be the mom I want to be.

To enjoy.

I’ve always enjoyed photography, but it wasn’t until the epiphany with this photograph that I realized how powerful photography can be.  I started taking my camera to work with me and took pictures of my social work clients while they interacted with their babies. I was amazed to see these photos did the same thing for them that the beach snapshot did for me. It helped them see the beauty of the mother/child connection, creating a tangible image of their mothering that enabled them to reflect on who they are and who they want to be.

It has also changed my philosophy as a photographer.  Since this snapshot, I’ve tried to view photography as a tool to reveal emotion and connections. To capture true pieces of relationships, rather than just the right smile or pose. 

To help people create images that their souls long to experience.

Images so tangible they can jump right in. 
Be the person they want to be.
Enjoy.

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I usually write a post-script; however, Saydi has prepared some questions will provoke thoughts aplenty.  I look forward to your comments (and to your becoming eligible for the $75 spa gift certificate).  I hope you'll then click through to Saydi's blog to become eligible for the family photo shoot.

What snapshots do you cherish? What pictures of yourself or your family do you have displayed in your home?  Why do you cherish these pictures?

Can a picture be therapeutic?  Can a picture help you to become who you want to be?

Do you like being photographed?  Why not? Can you see beyond your appearance in a picture to what is happening?

Comments

[Bonnie Tonita Whtie]

I loved your honesty. It resonates true and beautiful. I am not sentimental but I do keep a picture of myself when I was 20 shortly after I became a member of the Church. I am looking upward - the black and white photograph shows light coming from behind me illuminating my face. I felt beautiful in that picture - beloved of Heavenly Father. A Promising Future. A cherished friend. I don't always feel those things now or at least not all at once. So yes I think that photograph showed me a glimpse of what might be.

[Saren]

Saydi:
I need to have you take some photos of me and my kids! I need to jump into the vision of what I want to be as a mom. Thanks for this beautifully written post that reflects so much of my own thoughts and feelings.

[Emily]

Saydi - things have changed so much since activities committee :) photos are truly therapeutic for me. I love going through your site seeing the joy and love you capture. xoxo

[Madeleine Walburger]

So many take-aways. I love the question, "Can you see beyond your appearance in a picture to what is happening?"

I realize that I don't have very many pictures of me mothering my children. One, I am often behind the camera. But, two, I often can't get beyond my appearance in the picture. Four small children doesn't allow for much "primping."

Motherhood is such a fleeting experience. Days become years, stages becomes fuzzy memories, we become our mothers and our children become standalone people.

I need to capture the now - with me in it - before it becomes only a box of pictures with me safely behind the camera.

[Macy]

Saydi - thank you so much for this post. I'm a photographer too and have been thinking a lot about the issues you brought up. Not just as it pertains to my clients, but as it pertains to me. I need more pictures of me with my son. I've started to turn my camera over to others, but I need to do for myself what I do for others and have a session done. I'm so grateful to have discovered your talent and am thrilled at how closely our photographic philosophies align.

[Margaret Woolley Busse]

Every time I see pictures of myself, I have the renewed realization (because it happens every time) that I am not as pretty as I thought (oh well!) but that my kids are truly delightful. (And many of the pictures of my children have been taken by none other than this Saydi!)

[Whitney Johnson]

Of course. Of course. Saydi and Macy you must meet one another. Between your sensibilities related to photography,
Macy's Masters in Music Education, and Saydi's Masters in Social Work, you likely would find a lot of common ground. If I can help make that happen, let me know.

[Rebecca]

Beautiful post, Saydi. I enjoyed visiting your blog as well. You are incredibly talented.

We have a huge collage frame in our family room filled with a variety of "the best of" moments of the past year. One of my favorite photos is one of my daughter Grace and I the day she passed her cardiology tests and was given a 2 yr. break before her next follow-up; the largest break she's had. I was elated! I asked my husband to take a photo of Grace and I in which Grace is squeezing her arms around my neck in probably the tightest hug ever; we are beaming with joy. I feel gratitude for life when I see that photo and am reminded to CHERISH each day (even those with moments when I really want to pull my hair out).

[Janna]

Your story gives new meaning to the term, "picture perfect."

So often family pictures mask pain, disappointment, discontent - plastered smiley faces, saying, "Cheese!" How liberating that the photograph of you and your son revealed a beautiful truth about yourself as opposed to a simple reflection of a "face" that we show the world.

It reminds me of several years ago when a friend of mine had some head shots done for her acting resume. When she presented the photos to me, I broke down weeping because the pictures captured the beauty of her soul, her being, so perfectly. Again, picture perfect!

[Julie Berry]

Hi Saydi,

Thanks for contributing this post. I saw myself in every word of your spot-on description of your disillusionment with young motherhood. I spent so many years mourning the death of the image of motherhood that I'd built up for myself. The contrast between my hopes and my reality was so vast it was painful. I don't know that I have found a way to bridge that divide in my own mind, but the photo and the thoughts you shared are both gorgeous and comforting. I, too, have a hard time seeing past the shock of my own appearance in pictures, but there have been a few snaps that captured real happiness, which is much more appealing that bone structure or skin tone. Thank you for your honesty, insight, and talent.

[Jenny]

Beautiful photo, beautiful thoughts. Thanks for sharing; it changes the way I think about some of my photos.

[Julia Bringhurst Blake]

Thank you Saydi.

It is such a relief to hear your story. I read your mom's 'I Didn't Plan to Be a Witch' when my kids were little and I was not the mom I thought I'd be. Both of you have helped me feel better about my mothering!

Plus you gave me a compelling reason to fill some photo frames around the house!

[Lisle]

That is a GREAT photo! I have a favorite picture of me with my youngest, taken by a friend who snuck it in on the sly. I was leaning down and listening to him and he was laughing... I have no idea what we were talking about, but it's a great picture.

[amy jo]

I am inspired to find moments that can visibly remind me I find joy in being a mother. A picture speaks 1000 words.

[Jana Kendall]

I'm not a great photographer, but I love pictures, especially those of my family and friends. I love the way a picture brings back specific memories of the day/time it was taken.

For instance, when I was a struggling single mom with two young kids, we had a cheap family portrait taken. My youngest was tired and cranky -- in that 2-year-old zone where she would swing back and forth from laughing to crying. I had a tissue in my hand and I kept wiping her eyes (and nose) and somehow, we finally got "the shot" with all of us smiling. However, in that picture, I can see just a bit of tissue peaking out of my hand and it makes me smile.

That picture is one of my favorites, as it reminds me of that day and of that time -- when we were starting off totally on our own, living hundreds of miles away from any family support (mainly to get away from my abusive, drug addicted ex-husband). We were in a town where we didn't know anyone (except for my boss at my new job there, who I had worked with before). I was scared and overwhelmed, but relieved to be in a safe place with a good job and a way to support my girls.

Another favorite picture is a snapshot of my two girls -- they must have only been 8 months and 2 years old at the time. The older is sitting behind the younger, cuddling her and they have these huge grins on their faces. It was a reminder to me that, even during the mess my life was at that point, my girls could still be happy and healthy. One of my favorite gifts ever was when my daughter (now an adult) had that picture retouched and enlarged, giving it to me one mother's day in a beautiful frame.

[shawni]

This is such a great post Sayds! I love it. Let's take some great Motherhood pictures this summer. Love you.

[Linda eyre]

LOVE this Saydi! How time rolls! It seems like yesterday that you were the little girl on my lap. How lucky am I to have you!

[richard eyre]

how lucky I am to have you both!
dad eyre

[Melissa Stanton]

Photographs really are our most valuable possessions, even though they have little monetary value. If my house were on fire (knock on wood) I'd grab the people and pets, and then my family photos and then, if there's still time, my computer hard drive). Most everything else can be replaced or doesn't really matter.

[Sue R]

It's so true of all ages! One of my favorite photos is a family photo taken for the church directory. You can tell we were laughing at the awkwardness of having a family photo with three teens and mama had just said, "we're going to have this picture taken and we're going to like it."

[Nancy Barnes]

My favorite photo would probably be one of the ones that have never been taken of me with my son. I am always the one behind the camera. If I'm ever in a picture it is totally posed. Even though I am as critical of my appearance as the next woman, I would love a totally spontaneous shot of me with my son or my husband.

[Janis Seminara]

Saydi,

Love your photography philosophy. I was a child photographer, and had acquired the reputation that I had infinite patience with special needs children. I saw their beauty and strengths and not their differences,and sat on the floor with them. Eventually I translated my thoughts to my tutoring.

I love that you capture the 'relationship' of mothering. In one of your photos, the little girl on the left hugging her mother, with her eyes closed and her whole being linked to her mother's side captures an emotional height. As a writer, the word I would use to define that moment is 'ecstatic'.

The pictures I have in my house of my family reflect these relationship moments. One of my favorite pictures is of my daughter and I when I taught at her nursery school. The school photographer allowed her to come in my class when he shot the class photos and took one of her and I. Our close relationship is certainly palpable as well as a mother's beaming pride of her child, and a daughter's pride of her mother. The picture shouts, "This is MY mommy! and This is MY daughter!" I cherish this photo. When my daughter married last summer, she brought her framed copy to her new home and placed it in her living room.

Other favorites of mine are of both my children together at various stages in their lives. So wonderful that you found your bliss, a bliss that recognizes the bliss that is motherhood.

[collage photo frame]

What a lovely and inspirational post.