Men's Health: What Women Can Teach Men About Real Strength

A few months ago Richard Conniff interviewed me for an article in Men's Health Magazine titled What Women Can Teach Men About Real Strength:  Workplace Lessons from Women.  

Conniff writes, "In the modern workplace, the best way for a man to succeed might actually be to suppress his caveman and try to think like a woman instead.  It's not about acting like a woman. People respond badly to what psychologists call "gender rule violations." Nor is anyone suggesting that women always make ideal employees. They can be just as stupid as men can be.

Source:  istockphoto

But the case for learning a few basic skills from the so-called weaker sex is simple: Women are succeeding in a time when men generally aren't. Four out of five jobs lost in the current recession belonged to men. (It's been dubbed the "he-cession.") Male-dominated construction and manufacturing sectors are taking the hardest hits."

I'd read the whole article, but if you'd like to go to where I'm quoted, you can click on the below links.

• Overview
• Don't Think Just Inside the Company
• It's Not Just About the Money

There were so many interesting points.  What caught your attention?  As you share your thoughts, I'll talk back more than usual.  Not in the saucy sort of way I did to my mother as a teenager, but politely -- a civil discourse or dialogue. This could be fun!

In thinking about what men can learn from women, what can women learn from men?  Specifically, if we revisit the Psyche Myth, and take a look at the helpers (ants, eagle, etc) as skills that men in our lives may have already mastered, what can we learn from our husbands, sons, brothers, colleagues?

Comments

[Positively Present]

Thanks for writing about this. I never would have seen it otherwise!

[Janna]

Warning: My comments, like the article, will be full of broad generalities and sweeping presumptions.

1) What caught my attention is how much the author needed to stroke the male reader ego throughout the article, much in the same way we women need reassurances such as, "Just because you have a career doesn't mean you are not feminine or don't want to be a mommy!" or "Just because you ask for what you want doesn't mean you are mean and selfish." The author kept reassuring the men, "Don't worry, you are still a man if you choose another metaphor besides war to increase production!" or "Just because you make friends doesn't mean you are weak!" I wonder if we are so identified with our gender mold that we struggle opening ourselves to other ways of being and identifying ourselves. Both sides are missing out.
2) I can learn from men a) how to ask for what I want without apology b) confidence in what I offer to the world. I recently contracted someone, who is male, to help me market my company and these were my 2 takeaways from observing his work. After he completed his project with me, I offered to keep him on to give me periodic "wake up calls." I appreciated his gutsy, yet respectful, approach. (I also attribute these skills to the fact that he is a man.)

[Whitney Johnson]

Conniff's stroking of the ego I think was essential to his message being heard. Know your audience, find common ground, then take them where you want to go.

I do think we are very much tied to our gender identity. I remember being told when I was 13 or 14 years-old that I looked like a boy. The fact that I remember this stray comment -- and where I was when it was said -- tells you how much it stung. We want to be a womanly woman and a manly man.

Yet to become fully ourselves, women need to learn from men and men from women--in the Jungian tradition. For women it's a bit easier because our society values strength. For men, who have been taught ALWAYS to be strong, showing softness is weakness and vulnerability. It's a real double bind which only something like a he-cession can potentially give them permission to unbind.

As for learning from men. I learn all the time, especially when it comes to negotiating. I tend to want to give up too much, too be nice, as you mentioned in point B. I did it just this week when I was negotiating with a potential sub-tenant on a lease. My initial ask was 30% less than we eventually got once I discussed with my male colleague. 30%. Yikes. So much to learn.

[Janna]

I guess we all need a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down! :)

Another idea that the author is playing with was the concept that strength comes in many forms.

[Macy Robison]

Loved the quotes, and loved how the author used them. I thought the point about treating others well, and like they mattered as people was an important one. When I was teaching in my own classroom, I made sure I knew which custodian was assigned to my room. I wanted to make sure I understood how to teach the kids to leave the classroom so their job cleaning the room could be as simple as possible. It doesn't take long to get to know people - especially those that support you in doing your job well.