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September 13, 2009


Overall, it is still a lovely place to be. Mothering comes with all forms of issues and problems, and having perspective like Stephanie's shows us all how to be better.

I think that we dreamers are often met with people who just don't "get" us. No matter the dream - whether it be a certain family makeup, a business, a new law that we want to see to fruition - many people simply do not agree that our dream is worthy or valuable.

Connecting this point to Whitney's question about basing our dreams on a wrong perception of our strengths, we see that it is all the more essential to drown out these voices of doubt and misconception of who we are in order to hear ourselves, our own voice of what is true.

My brother, his wife, and four children (all with blonde hair and blue eyes) adopted a beautiful daughter from Korea. Because she was so beautiful (she passed away at the age of five), I don't believe they ever encountered negative experiences, merely endless praise. (We are a visual society!) Nonetheless, as she aged, she was aware of being physically different, even if her experience was positive. I have several friends who have adopted cross-racially. One received a similar comment about her son growing up to be a great basketball player. On the one hand, I deeply sympathize with the insensitive comments they receive and the extra layer of challenges with which they deal. On the other hand, one (regardless of situation) can become "over-sensitized", seeing ignorance (regarding class, religion, gender, politics, and/ or race) where none was intended or is even present. Not an easy path to navigate!

My girls were born in Guatemala. I was thrilled to discover American Girl came out with a new line of "Just Like Me" dolls who had much more ethnic coloring. My oldest almost immediately identified with one of the girls in particular. Guess what's coming her way for her 7th b-day next week! This is huge for a little girl who is always checking to see what color all the people around her are. It's amazing what a doll can do!

Thank you for your your thoughtful insights. We have adopted transracially in our family. It has been enlightening, incredibly rewarding, and absolutely devastating at times. More than one person has commented to me that "they don't even see" my child's skin color. And I remind them that it is my responsibility as a parent to my African American child to always see his beautiful skin - to celebrate his whole self, to recognize injustice when it occurs in his life, and to insist upon good behavior from those around him. Sometimes this means informing a loving grandparent that a joke with racial undertones is not acceptable in our home or gently correcting my child's classmate who insists he speaks Spanish because of his dark skin. And most often it means loving him as he is and for who he is and teaching him to do the same. His experiences in life will be different from mine in part because of the color of his skin. And it is my privilege to help him negotiate the challenges and opportunities that are his.

And where are the dolls with spinal bifida, cleft palates, deformed spines? I tend to agree with EHD's comments that often we become oversensitive. In our Father's kingdom, I hope we are all color blind - oblivious of these distinctions because what we are and what we can do are more transcedent than how we appear. We seem a long way away from no more "ites"

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About this blog

  • When I took a sabbatical from Wall Street to pursue a different dream and help others live theirs, I learned that women in the U.S. may be placated, even pampered, but because we aren't dreaming, we are also desperate and depressed. Drawing on a variety of sources, ranging from academic studies to pop culture, dare to dream encourages us to dream. And then to act on our dreams.


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