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October 20, 2009


I'm so glad Julie shared these thoughts and you had her guest post, Whitney. I'm glad to get a glimpse of the conversation I missed out on. When I do live in one of my many roles honestly, flaws and all, it's much more satisfying than holding back because I'm not the superstar I imagine could do so much better in that role.
When I'm flat, I feel far more uneasy and selfish at the end of the day.

"the worst deception wrought by adopting shallow roles is that I, myself, come to believe in them"
I've fallen into this trap!
I love your thoughts, Whitney and Julie, and work hard at developing the roundness in my life, without tipping over.
When my life is "full," it feels smoother and less edgy.

How wonderful. The other day on Facebook I updated my status to reflect a lovely afternoon spent in the company of a friend I've had for a long time. I said something to the effect of how pleasant it was to be around somebody with whom you could really be yourself. A few of the comments there caused me some serious reflection about what exactly I meant.

I think I was saying that this particular person had known me (and loved me) so long, that all charade was entirely useless, and not even desirable. A newer friend commented on my status with, "You should always be yourself." I don't know her well enough to see if it was a joke, or a reprimand, or some kind of judgment about whatever subterfuge she thinks I've pulled over on her. I'm still not sure what to think either about what I posted or what was replied.

Last thing, sorry for the length; in the movie "Stranger than Fiction" Will Farrell's character laments that he might be in a tragedy instead of a comedy because it seems that nothing is going right. In the end he sees that while unhappy things happen to him along the way, there is joy to be found. A comedy. So while we strive to be dimensional characters, I think we also need to remember to play the leading roles in our lives, and decide if we will live out a comedy or a tragedy.

I want to come to Boston and be within each of your circle. I want some of all that fullness in each of you to rub off on me.

At the root of Julie's post is both striving and responsibility. We can be more than we are, and we are responsible for how we allocate ourselves--none of us can be everything, so we should actively choose to be something. I appreciate this reminder that we shouldn't just excuse mediocrity! :-) I also appreciate the reminder of how our assumed roles rub off on small people--I have three boys of my own, and I haven't been a present mother of late.

Kudos again my round friend. I like the symbolism of it and think I'll stop trying to lose this 10 pounds after all.

The idea of "losing oneself" through the playing of various roles is brilliant!

Playing a role is easier - it keeps me from having to do the hard work of "me."

Fantastic post. One of my favorites so far. i just read Brooks' latest piece in the times on "Where the Wild Things Are"--he talks about the emerging psychologists' view of how we are a "community of competing selves."
But my question is, how much of what we are, IS what we TELL ourselves we are, precisely because we tell ourselves. Julie describes the dangers of of telling ourselves things that are perhaps negative views of ourselves, but is it OK to be telling yourself that you are something positive, hoping that you are subconsciously striving to be so? I think being self-honest is critical, and I mean that in both senses of the word "critical"--we need to live in reality, but we should also to be careful not to allow our negative realities to undermine our positive potential.
Fascinating discussion.

This is one of my favorite D2D posts ever. I'm sure I'll come back and re-read it.

Julie, dear, I love you.

I too want to be closer to Boston and have all of this rub off on me. It is a well written post, and also one of my favorites.

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  • When I took a sabbatical from Wall Street to pursue a different dream and help others live theirs, I learned that women in the U.S. may be placated, even pampered, but because we aren't dreaming, we are also desperate and depressed. Drawing on a variety of sources, ranging from academic studies to pop culture, dare to dream encourages us to dream. And then to act on our dreams.


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