Neylan McBaine attended Yale University. She currently lives with her husband and three young daughters. Neylan has been published in Newsweek, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Meridian Magazine, Segullah, and BustedHalo.com, among others. She is the Personal Voices editor of Dialogue. Her collection of personal essays, How to be a Twenty-first Century Pioneer Woman, was published in 2008. She blogs regularly at www.neylanmcbaine.com.
I'm a born-and-raised New Yorker. A Manhattanite at that: I went to one of those Gossip Girl schools, the one Jackie Kennedy attended as a girl. I am the daughter of an opera singer and lawyer, and that makes me a bohemian with a Wall Street sensibility. My educational pedigree continued at the Julliard School where I studied piano and Yale University where I majored in English. But there is one label that defines me more than all of these fancy designations:
I am a Mormon.
Not just any Mormon, a Mormon woman. Which means that people I meet, when assaulted with all the brand names and movie-set locations of my childhood, get a very confused look on their face when they also find out I go to church for three hours a week, sustain a living prophet and believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. "But aren't you a thinking person?" their look seems to ask. Or, as one of my dearest New York friends revealed one tipsy evening, "How did I become friends with a freaking Mormon?"
If left merely to the impressions of the media, one might understandably think that a woman with my background couldn't possibly be affiliated with an organization that -- as it is so often presented -- funnels its women into wifely and motherly servitude and has some sort of relationship (no one's quite sure) with polygamy. But Mormonism's best kept secret is that intelligent, engaged and proactive women are legion in our culture. Why does no one know about us?
Part of the problem is many Mormon women themselves don't recognize that these intelligent, engaged women are in our midst. Many are afraid to admit they are one of these women. "If I were a 'good' Mormon, I wouldn't have gotten my master's degree. I wouldn't be working, and I wouldn't want to work so much. I'd want to be a mother and have kids and stay home," one young filmmaker said to me recently. How did we get to a point in our culture where our free agency -- the ability to choose that our doctrine holds as the most ennobled quality of our human condition -- has been disparaged to the point that a young, talented woman feels ashamed of her pursuits?
The importance of marriage and motherhood is never in question among faithful Mormons, but my own youth was filled with female role models who remain true to themselves, their talents, their interests and their families. With the help of prayer, faith and a hard-won understanding of our unique missions in life, this balance is not only possible, it is demanded by a doctrine that celebrates individual worth. But this balance is not widely practiced: as I've grown older, I've seen many Mormon women feel ostracized and sometimes leave our church altogether because they're not sure how their choices fit into "the mold". These experiences have prompted me to share some of the role models from my own life and search out others who have made thoughtful, considered choices about who they want to be.
I recently founded The Mormon Women Project to shed light on the immense strength and variety of the 7 million Mormon women throughout the world. The project, housed at www.mormonwomen.com, is a digital library of interviews with Latter-day Saint women. My hope is that by profiling women who have made proactive choices in their lives, while still remaining committed to their faith, the Project will broaden the definition of what it means to be a Mormon woman today. Faustina Otoo, a convert to the Church in Accra, Ghana, is just as "Mormon" as a young full-time mother in Utah. So too is Myrna Castella, a recovering heroin addict in New York. Karen Bybee is no less a mother to her three sons because she has managed a successful international sports management career planning World Cup and Olympic events. With single women making up the largest single demographic of church membership, single student Jenny Reeder should be lauded for her pursuit of a doctorate, not left out because she hasn't yet married.
My goal with this project is not to get Big Love stripped from the airwaves, nor is it a gimmick to show potential converts how cool we can be. It is simply an effort to explode the internal stereotypes and judgments that hinder Mormon women from maximizing our own potential. When that potential is realized, we won't need a TV show or media campaign to discredit the harsh caricatures of us so prevalent in the popular consciousness. The confidence, good works and productivity of our women will be effective enough.
What labels define you?
Do you know any Mormon women?
Are you a Mormon woman?
Does Neylan's essay and/or project resonate with you? Why? Why not?
I've loved all the stories you've done so far Neylan. It's been really rewarding to read tales of such different types of Mormons. Thanks for creating such a cool site.
Posted by: Blue | February 10, 2010 at 01:35 AM
Amazing! Yes this resonates with me. Why? I am mormon. I am woman. And I am proud. Would love to see this project develop video and music. Would love to see a million faces in video.
Posted by: Dana King | February 10, 2010 at 02:10 AM
Wow, wow, wow! I just love this! I can't wait to explore the website. Thanks for posting this, Whitney. And Neylan, thank you so much for this wonderful, wonderful thing.
Posted by: Macy | February 10, 2010 at 02:42 PM
Ditto to Macy's comment. What a great post! Neylan, best of luck in this daunting project. I've met amazing women, Whitney included, and know the world is a much better place because of their contributions.
Posted by: Amy Jo | February 10, 2010 at 06:02 PM
It's a convergence of all things Mormon Women's Project in my life this week. Discovering Myrna's interview, a woman I adore and admire; adding the project to my blog roll - the first official statement on my site that I am LDS; and then just a couple of days ago being invited to be interviewed myself. And now this inspiring post which contextualizes and expresses so many things that have been on my mind for a very long time. Thank you Neylan and Whitney.
Posted by: Chrysula Winegar | February 10, 2010 at 08:54 PM
I've really enjoyed reading the interviews on your site Neylan. Thanks for your time and commitment to this very interesting project!
Posted by: Kristy | February 11, 2010 at 02:05 PM
You are popping up all over the place Neylan! It's great to see you getting traction. I'm excited about this project.
Posted by: Heather Staker | February 11, 2010 at 06:30 PM
"How did I become friends with a freaking Mormon?"
One of my best friends (since 1981)is a Mormon and people will often ask me the same question. At times I find this to be insulting to both of us and sometimes feel sorry for them. I don't see this very mutlti talented woman who blogs and writes every where as a Mormon. I see a woman who is accepting of herself and wonderfully patient with me and others. I know that being a Mormon has given her courage to believe in herself, even though we have alway thought of her a special and gifted.
People who judge others due to their religion are missing out on some wonder and life changing friendships and you know that becomes their loss.
I miss not be able to chat to my great mate on a regular basis but I feel I am still in her life and in touch with her due to her being able to as she says "find her voice". I enjoy reading all of the posts and redirections to other blogs/websites and want to say thank you.
Posted by: elizabeth | February 16, 2010 at 02:21 AM
I'm loving reading the profiles on the Mormon Women Project. Thank you for doing this, Neylan. It is very edifying.
Thanks to Whitney also, for once again opening our eyes to more of the wonderful.
Posted by: Maria | February 17, 2010 at 12:09 PM