dare to dream

The Mirror of Erised

I'd been thinking all week about dreams that can't come true.

No thoughts worth thinking...until I saw my daughter devour yet another Harry Potter book, and with Harry Potter on the brain, I went to bed.

Grapple with a problem, grapple with it some more, and then go to sleep (in others words, let the ants sort the seeds!)

In the morning, the Mirror of Erised, a mirror that "shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts" came to mind; I often have epiphanies in the early morning.

When Professor Dumbledore discovers Harry entranced, he explains why the mirror is so beguiling and therefore dangerous:  "You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you.  Ronald Weasley, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them.  However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth.  Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible....It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

I suspect that most of us have a desperate desire of our heart, something we even desperately deserve, that we don't have, and can't have... 

...at least in the way we imagine it.

Will you take a moment and think about what your desperate desire is, hold it in your hands, and examine it?

Inside of this something we can't have, there are likely the seeds of a dream that is within reach. 

Harry can't have his parents, but he can be surrounded by people he loves and who love him.  Ron can't be an only child, but he can distinguish himself as he, Harry and Hermione move through their hero's journey.

Have you ever found yourself enthralled by, wasting away in front of the Mirror of Erised?

I have.

I'm also learning to walk away from the mirage, and live my life.

No doubt you are too.

I Love Lucy Lunch.. We Have a Winner

Dear Friends --

Thank you for supporting the I Love Lucy Project by either becoming a fan on Facebook or posting the button on your blog. 

You can read more about Shawni Eyre Pothier and her daughter Lucy's story here.

And now....the winner of the luncheon with Shawni and her mother Linda Eyre (courtesy www.random.org) is:  Pamela Lin Eggers Thompson.

Congratulations Pamela!

 

Pamela -- you and your guest will be hosted by Linda and Shawni (seen in the photo above) for lunch when you are next in Phoenix, AZ or SLC, UT.  If for some reason, you have no plans to be in these areas, the prize is transferable.

Will you e-mail me so that I can provide you with more details?   

Krista Paulson: Learning to Slow Down

Krista Paulson grew up in Southern California and now resides in Colorado.  Krista graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in Music (violin performance/pedagogy).  She spends her time supporting her husband of 16 years through "sickness and health", while raising three inspiring children.  Krista enjoys snow skiing, embarrassing her kids by singing too loud, traveling, and eating "great" food.  She dreams of growing old with her husband and enjoying the journey while getting there.

***
When I was a little girl I loved to go to the beach, play in the sand, and Boogie Board in the ocean.  I loved being in the sun and playing in the sand and waves. My favorite pictures of me as a little girl are of me at the beach: they capture the happiest moments of my childhood.  My time spent at the beach was a time for me to slow down in the busy world of growing up.

Source:  istockphoto 

Four years ago my adult world stopped and sped up all at once.  I was a mother of three small children, helping them engage in 'busy' activities, keep our family organized, while supporting my husband in his career when he was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML).  He was hospitalized  almost immediately, and we soon began preparing for his bone marrow transplant.  From the outset I was hopeful. He had to and would beat this cancer for our children.  And I wasn't ready to be a young widow. I remember wishing desperately that this would all go away quickly so things would get back to normal.

***
When I was going into 3rd grade, my elementary school closed, and I had to attend a new elementary school and was worried about making new friends.  I don't know exactly when it happened, but I met a girl who would become my Best Friend for life.  If I hadn't had to change schools, I would have missed out on many happy memories.  Roller skating in her backyard, birthday parties, sleepovers with special apple pancake breakfasts, and our countless inside jokes.  Going to a new school and feeling uncomfortable as a 3rd grader brought an unexpected and irreplaceable friendship that has brought much joy to my life.

Source:  istockphoto

My husband was told he was cancer-free two months after his transplant.  I joyously looked forward to life getting back to normal.  When he began to have side effects from the transplant which required many doctor visits and more drugs, I found myself increasingly impatient, still looking forward, but unwilling to live in the moment.

*** 
I was born the youngest of five children.  I have memories of family dinners during which my two oldest siblings who were married would talk about different kinds of furniture they wanted and how many kids they would have.  My day-to-day life of trying to "fit" in at junior high and my recent loss of being voted 8th grade president seemed irrelevant and unimportant compared to their grown-up conversations.  As the youngest I always felt behind.  I wanted to catch up to my siblings so we could share and have things in common. But I was never going to catch up.  I would have to experience life on my own calendar.

Source:  istockphoto

A year into my husband's illness I went to the cancer center to meet with the psychologist on staff.  I was talking very fast about all my concerns.  I was overwhelmed.  My husband wasn't getting better.  I had so much to do.  So many responsibilities between taking care of our kids and my husband.  I was at the end of my rope.  I could NOT do it all.  She looked at me and calmly said, "What if I told you to slow down?" Slow down?  How can I slow down when I have too much to do?

***

As I've experienced the hardest trial of my adult life, I have come face-to-face with two life lessons from my childhood.  First, the difficulty of changing elementary schools as an eight year-old brought a lifelong friendship.  My husband having cancer has been a difficult change, but it has also blessed my life. Second, as the youngest I was in a hurry to be an adult, and yet I needed to enjoy my life exactly where I was.  As my husband dealt with his bone marrow transplant I wanted the process to speed up and end.  I have NOW learned to not be afraid of dramatic changes and to not be in a hurry for the next milestone.

Every summer I still go to the beach.  I now go with my husband and children.  It is our favorite place to be together as a family.  It always brings me back to living as I did as a child -- in the moment.  My lifelong friend and I still get together and continue to make memories.

    
   Source:  istockphoto 

Wanting time to go faster is a thought of the past.  I love to live in the moment.  I love having my children do less in this busy world so we can have more family time.  I think of more possibilities because I have time to dream.  Maybe I will go back to school and get a nursing degree or get that Masters in Music that has alluded me.  Oddly enough, slowing down has taught me to look forward to my future.  

***    

Do you remember when you were a child?  What was it like to luxuriate in an entire day?

Have you ever tried slowing down when you are overwhelmed?  Sometimes I do -- I just take 10 minutes at a time -- shift from everything I have to do -- to right now.  It helps me -- it certainly has made all the difference for Krista.  What about for you?

I love the idea of slowing down, giving us time to dream.  Will you try to slow down? 

Donna Wirth: Blessed Nest

Donna is a wife to Joel her amazing husband and mom of two adorable girls ages 4 and 7. She has worked in the children's clothing and accessory business for over 20 years. In 1989 at the age of 22 she opened her first sales studio in downtown Los Angeles at the California Apparel Mart, representing over 15 small-to- medium-sized companies who manufactured children's clothing in the USA and Europe. In 2005, Donna began her journey with Blessed Nest becoming a partner in 2007. You can now find Donna dreaming of life on a farm as she home schools her two children in busy and beautiful Southern CA.  Donna and Blessed Nest founder Heather nurture mothers from their perches here and here; you can read about their decades-long friendship here.

***

Motherhood is a dream that I did not really dare to dream.  I had my first child at age 37 and my second at 39 after living the life of a single career woman.  I wasn't avoiding motherhood to fulfill a need for a successful career; the timing just wasn't right until the timing was perfect!

The same is true of my partnering with Heather at Blessed Nest.  She was pursuing her dream because a friend believed in Heather's talent and wanted to invest in her.  In 2002, Blessed nest was born as a line of baby bedding.  In 2003, I gave birth to my first child.  I had a horrible time breastfeeding my wiggly baby and called Heather, crying, asking her to design a nursing pillow that would work.  The Nesting Pillow saved my breastfeeding experience, and I dreamed of helping other moms who were struggling too.  And that became my dream -- every mom needed to know about the Nesting Pillow. Because my pre-baby days were spent as an Independent Sales Representative in the children's clothing industry, I could help make Heather's dream happen -- and mine.

Within a few months after the Nesting Pillow launched, we realized we needed to focus the company, and phased out bedding for a season.  Five years later, however, we are now in the process of moving Heather out of the sewing room, and back into the design room as she is a natural and gifted designer.

In sharing the story of Blessed Nest, Whitney asked me Was going into business easier this time around because the business is related to and integrates mothering?  Yes - absolutely.  Not only because I brought twenty years of relevant experience, but because it's more exciting:  I am leveraging that experience in service of my current dream. 

What makes Blessed Nest a joy for both Heather and me is our mission:  "We nurture moms so they can nurture their babies with peace of mind."  Our dream is to nurture.  Without nurturing moms in our community, we would simply be pushing a product, and that is not our dream.

Another question - what have you learned, what advice would you give to women who want to start their own business? 

1.  Dream:  Find something that adds value to your day, creates balance, and then leap into the dream.  Don't just look at a business from a financial perspective.  It's not just about the bottom line.  Think of a business idea as if it were your child.  Will you give up when the going gets tough?  If you say yes, even for a minute, then the dream isn't big enough to become a reality.  Heather and I love to nurture women.  This is our larger dream:  it encourages us and keeps us going even when the other elements don't quite add up.

2.  Don't allow 'mommy guilt' to dampen your dream.  Find the work/life balance.  Being involved with Blessed Nest as a new mom was a very positive experience for me.  I home school which actually allows me to have more time with my children and my work. There is a lot of freedom and joy in pursuing dreams that most would say don't quite fit together. 

If you have a dream and strongly believe in it, don't let anyone outside of your closest family/friend circle tell you that you are doing something you should not be doing.  Your  have your dream, your convictions.  If your dreams give you peace in the chaos of the day, run with them.

3.  Work with trusted partners:  We did not look for an 'angel investor', but instead found family and friends who believed in and invested in us.  Heather also took the initiative to enter a business plan competition in 2007.  Her first place prize of $10,000 has helped grow Blessed Nest.  Be willing to go slow and let time teach you where your resources are best spent.  Do NOT take out a loan to finance your business.  Most small businesses close within five years because they have a high debt-to-income ratio.  By growing at a slow yet steady pace, Blessed Nest has held its own. 

4.  Know what your gifts and talents are -- and delegate:   After you've had your hand in every aspect of the business, delegate what you are not so great at.  Be okay with someone else being better than you in a given area.  If you try to do it all, you will burn out.  Even with the parts of the business that you enjoy, you should have a back-up plan for times when you can't do them.

At present, Heather is creative director, designer, seamstress, production manager -- she's all about making the product.  She is also now savvy in HTML writing, accounting and building websites -- which is what you do when you run a company without a lot of extra money.  She is currently in the process of handing over the accounting and administrative work and hiring more seamstresses.  She will always oversee the entire business, but as the business grows she is delegating.

Heather (front), Donna (back)

I started in sales, focusing on how to launch the Nesting Pillow.  In 2007, I became a partner and expanded our efforts to help moms discover our product.  I now manage wholesale, retail sales and customer communications while creating community through social networking and blogging.

5.  It takes a village to raise a business.  We have amazing support.  Our team at the Perch is an example of that.  Surround yourself with wise men and women and develop relationships with your customers -- they will be your biggest supporters.  We call all of our customers friends, but there are a few who have become cheerleaders. Christal, for example, is one of our customers turned friend in whom we confide and depend upon.  She has the most adorable family; we will be using a photo she placed on our fan page in our new marketing materials.  Whatever you do -- don't go it alone.

Dream big dreams.  Then wake up.  Look and see all that is around you; the challenges, the issues, the obstacles.  Think about why you dream your dream.  Walk toward it with your eyes wide open, then when you enter the dream, close your eyes only to open them when you must see a little light.

Dreams are exciting.  They are also terrifying at times unless they are fueled with hope.  Dreams give us hope, and hope fuels our dreams. 

Dare to dream -- 
Love to the moon and back,
Donna

***

What are your dreams?  How can you pull them together -- perhaps your dream of being a mother and a businesswoman and achieve a balance between work/life as Chrysula Winegar encourages us to do?  To what extent have your dreams been born of necessity, of solving a problem?

When and if you do start a business, is this idea like your child?  Is it something that you are fully committed to?  A great piece of advice, isn't it?  If we don't feel fully committed, perhaps it makes sense to keep dating... or dream dabbling?

As you think about starting a business, bootstrapping will likely be required - but what resources do you have available to you -- right now?  Many more than you suppose?

How are you delegating?  Remember how Psyche/The Country Bunny learned to delegate?  Do we practice delegating with our children?  Giving them the opportunity to really grow up? 

Shawni Eyre Pothier: I Love Lucy Project... and Lunch

Shawni Eyre Pothier is first and foremost a wife and a mother to six of her favorite people.  Aside from trying to figure out how to bottle her children up and keep them at her side forever, she enjoys photography and writing which has led to publishing her first book co-authored with her mother Linda Eyre titled A Mother's Book of Secrets; they have also recently launched the I Love Lucy Project to help raise funds for research to help fight blindness since her youngest daughter has been diagnosed with a syndrome that causes vision loss.

***
At the birth of each of my five babies I was completely euphoric.  I sat in my hospital bed with each of them and gazed deeply into their windows-to-heaven-eyes as my heart swelled up to the size of a watermelon with pure love.  Those babies were my dream come true... the dream I'd been dreaming since before I could talk...the dream to be a Mother.

As I sat there soaking them in and thanking God for these perfect gifts, I dreamed of a life for each of them as full and rewarding as could be.  Of course as mothers it's never part of our dream for our children to have to deal with health issues or trials, for something to go wrong.  I dream of only the good stuff, confidence, friends, marriage and family.

But my big dreams shifted dramatically with the birth of my fifth baby, Lucy.

She politely introduced me to real life.

Not only was she born with an extra toe and a couple of birth marks, she was delayed.

 

Even at three months old she hadn't smiled, despite my most impressive attempts to strain my own smile muscles at her.  She couldn't roll over forever.  She couldn't sit up for much longer than I was comfortable with, and at almost two years-old, she still wasn't walking.

My husband and I worried our hearts out.  What was wrong?  As we struggled through doctor after doctor trying to figure it out, I realized I had been living in a dream world with my first four kids.  Every one of them was right on developmentally.  One week they learned to play peek-a-boo.   The next they learned to give kisses.  Then they started saying words, which were added to one by one, then ten by ten.

This was normal.

This was life.

Lucy qualified for speech therapy, then physical therapy.  She had MRIs and hearing tests that required sedation since she was so darn feisty.  I became best friends with the nurses at the blood lab who helped me hold poor Lucy down endless times to draw blood for various tests ordered by the geneticist.

One winter day last year, we got a call we knew was coming.  Lucy was diagnosed with Bardet-Biedl, a rare syndrome that causes heart and kidney issues, obesity, and most heart-wrenching to us:  blindness.

Everything was claustrophobic; my thoughts swirled.  I worried about my husband who wants to always 'fix' things that go wrong, and here was something he couldn't 'fix'.  I worried about our other kids getting the attention they needed given Lucy's needs.  I worried about all her health issues, the myriad things that could go wrong.

My heart sunk when people started talking to us about the Foundation for the Blind and Braille:  classes for young kids to learn to walk with canes, heart and kidney problems associated with this syndrome, the possibility of diabetes and kidney transplants.

This syndrome was not part of the 'dream' I envisioned for my daughter as I daydreamed in my hospital bed when she was born.  What about all the things I dreamed she'd do?  I went from dreaming big to letting fear seep in.  Would Lucy be able to function in life?  Would she have friends?  Would she depend on us forever?  And what about my dream that she'd someday be a wife and mother?  Even if she did, how could she bear not seeing her husband, seeing her babies?

As I reflect on this past year since Lucy's diagnosis, I have been smacked in the face with the realization that it is through our struggles we grow the most. And that we all have struggles.  We all have dreams that haven't become a reality.

Some struggles are small.  We get a bad haircut, or can't make a decision about which school will be best for our children.  Others struggles loom large, horrible ordeals we can scarcely imagine.  We are chemically depressed, loved ones have been abused or deal with chemical dependence, some husbands are unfaithful.  But ever so gradually our challenges shape us, dreams we hadn't anticipated emerge.

Lucy is a sweet, strong-willed, chubby three year-old who captures the hearts of all who meet her.  Her life is not going in the direction I had hoped for when I cradled her as a newborn, but she is influencing many, giving hope along the way.

We begin with dreams.  Nearly always there are twists and turns.  I'm learning to be flexible, to recognize that when a dream reaches a dead-end, an alternate dream can and will emerge.

As my dream for Lucy shifts, my dream as a Mother has shifted as well.  All the wonderful things I hoped for are still there, but fighting for Lucy and against blindness, especially Lucy's type of blindness which there may be a cure for (provided there is funding), has lit a fire within me.

It is a joy to have something bigger than myself and my family to fight for.

 

If you were moved by Shawni's story -- if you've had a dream die, only to discover a new dream - will you help Shawni raise awareness around blindess?

So as to give each of you a little love for loving Lucy, I have suggested to Shawni and Linda, and they have agreed, albeit reluctantly due to their innate modesty, to invite to lunch one winner and a guest.  To be eligible, you can do one of the following or both:

1)  Post an 'I Love Lucy Project' button on your blog (then leave a comment here that you have done so between now and March 21 -- the first day of Spring);

Grab your button here.

2)  And/or become a fan of I Love Lucy on Facebook by March 21.

You can click to the Facebook page here. 

On March 22, a winner will be randomly selected (you can be eligible twice) using random.org to be a guest of Shawni and Linda for lunch.

If for some reason, you won't be in the West anytime soon, the luncheon would be transferable, and what a gift this would make-- possibly even for Mother's Day.  So many of us would enjoy hearing about their Mother's Secrets firsthand and who of us has not read Richard and Linda Eyre's NY Times-bestselling books on parenting?  What a treat to spend a few minutes chatting about one of the things that matters to us most -- being a great mom!

***

What dreams of yours have died?  What dream has risen from the ashes?

Who would you invite to lunch with you, Shawni and Linda?

And what would you talk about?