Shawni Eyre Pothier: I Love Lucy Project... and Lunch

Shawni Eyre Pothier is first and foremost a wife and a mother to six of her favorite people.  Aside from trying to figure out how to bottle her children up and keep them at her side forever, she enjoys photography and writing which has led to publishing her first book co-authored with her mother Linda Eyre titled A Mother's Book of Secrets; they have also recently launched the I Love Lucy Project to help raise funds for research to help fight blindness since her youngest daughter has been diagnosed with a syndrome that causes vision loss.

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At the birth of each of my five babies I was completely euphoric.  I sat in my hospital bed with each of them and gazed deeply into their windows-to-heaven-eyes as my heart swelled up to the size of a watermelon with pure love.  Those babies were my dream come true... the dream I'd been dreaming since before I could talk...the dream to be a Mother.

As I sat there soaking them in and thanking God for these perfect gifts, I dreamed of a life for each of them as full and rewarding as could be.  Of course as mothers it's never part of our dream for our children to have to deal with health issues or trials, for something to go wrong.  I dream of only the good stuff, confidence, friends, marriage and family.

But my big dreams shifted dramatically with the birth of my fifth baby, Lucy.

She politely introduced me to real life.

Not only was she born with an extra toe and a couple of birth marks, she was delayed.

 

Even at three months old she hadn't smiled, despite my most impressive attempts to strain my own smile muscles at her.  She couldn't roll over forever.  She couldn't sit up for much longer than I was comfortable with, and at almost two years-old, she still wasn't walking.

My husband and I worried our hearts out.  What was wrong?  As we struggled through doctor after doctor trying to figure it out, I realized I had been living in a dream world with my first four kids.  Every one of them was right on developmentally.  One week they learned to play peek-a-boo.   The next they learned to give kisses.  Then they started saying words, which were added to one by one, then ten by ten.

This was normal.

This was life.

Lucy qualified for speech therapy, then physical therapy.  She had MRIs and hearing tests that required sedation since she was so darn feisty.  I became best friends with the nurses at the blood lab who helped me hold poor Lucy down endless times to draw blood for various tests ordered by the geneticist.

One winter day last year, we got a call we knew was coming.  Lucy was diagnosed with Bardet-Biedl, a rare syndrome that causes heart and kidney issues, obesity, and most heart-wrenching to us:  blindness.

Everything was claustrophobic; my thoughts swirled.  I worried about my husband who wants to always 'fix' things that go wrong, and here was something he couldn't 'fix'.  I worried about our other kids getting the attention they needed given Lucy's needs.  I worried about all her health issues, the myriad things that could go wrong.

My heart sunk when people started talking to us about the Foundation for the Blind and Braille:  classes for young kids to learn to walk with canes, heart and kidney problems associated with this syndrome, the possibility of diabetes and kidney transplants.

This syndrome was not part of the 'dream' I envisioned for my daughter as I daydreamed in my hospital bed when she was born.  What about all the things I dreamed she'd do?  I went from dreaming big to letting fear seep in.  Would Lucy be able to function in life?  Would she have friends?  Would she depend on us forever?  And what about my dream that she'd someday be a wife and mother?  Even if she did, how could she bear not seeing her husband, seeing her babies?

As I reflect on this past year since Lucy's diagnosis, I have been smacked in the face with the realization that it is through our struggles we grow the most. And that we all have struggles.  We all have dreams that haven't become a reality.

Some struggles are small.  We get a bad haircut, or can't make a decision about which school will be best for our children.  Others struggles loom large, horrible ordeals we can scarcely imagine.  We are chemically depressed, loved ones have been abused or deal with chemical dependence, some husbands are unfaithful.  But ever so gradually our challenges shape us, dreams we hadn't anticipated emerge.

Lucy is a sweet, strong-willed, chubby three year-old who captures the hearts of all who meet her.  Her life is not going in the direction I had hoped for when I cradled her as a newborn, but she is influencing many, giving hope along the way.

We begin with dreams.  Nearly always there are twists and turns.  I'm learning to be flexible, to recognize that when a dream reaches a dead-end, an alternate dream can and will emerge.

As my dream for Lucy shifts, my dream as a Mother has shifted as well.  All the wonderful things I hoped for are still there, but fighting for Lucy and against blindness, especially Lucy's type of blindness which there may be a cure for (provided there is funding), has lit a fire within me.

It is a joy to have something bigger than myself and my family to fight for.

 

If you were moved by Shawni's story -- if you've had a dream die, only to discover a new dream - will you help Shawni raise awareness around blindess?

So as to give each of you a little love for loving Lucy, I have suggested to Shawni and Linda, and they have agreed, albeit reluctantly due to their innate modesty, to invite to lunch one winner and a guest.  To be eligible, you can do one of the following or both:

1)  Post an 'I Love Lucy Project' button on your blog (then leave a comment here that you have done so between now and March 21 -- the first day of Spring);

Grab your button here.

2)  And/or become a fan of I Love Lucy on Facebook by March 21.

You can click to the Facebook page here. 

On March 22, a winner will be randomly selected (you can be eligible twice) using random.org to be a guest of Shawni and Linda for lunch.

If for some reason, you won't be in the West anytime soon, the luncheon would be transferable, and what a gift this would make-- possibly even for Mother's Day.  So many of us would enjoy hearing about their Mother's Secrets firsthand and who of us has not read Richard and Linda Eyre's NY Times-bestselling books on parenting?  What a treat to spend a few minutes chatting about one of the things that matters to us most -- being a great mom!

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What dreams of yours have died?  What dream has risen from the ashes?

Who would you invite to lunch with you, Shawni and Linda?

And what would you talk about?

Comments

[Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD]

I just tweeted this morning..."Our goal in life is not to change our children...our children are here to change us!"

I, too, have sat on the other side of the MRI machine, hoping for good news, while my then 7 yr. old held my hand for dear life. When the technician stated, "We're putting in the dye, now," he began frantically squeezing my hand in the three short squeeze pattern that meant "I LOVE YOU"...I squeezed back, but couldn't match his fervor. When he came out of the machine, his tear streaked cheeks told another story. He thought the "dye" would make him "die".

Count me in for "I Love Lucy"!!!

[Rebecca]

I'm in. Lucy is a little angel. I hope progress in treatment for her comes quickly!

[Stephanie Anderson]

I've fallen in love with this project and with Lucy! I want to do anything I can to help!!

[Macy]

Such a great post. I love Shawni's blog, and it was so great to read more about Lucy.

[Denise]

I have posted the "I Love Lucy Project" button on my new blog. I would do anything to help! Shawni Pothier is so amazing and truly inspirational and who could not love those amazing blue eyes and chubby cheeks of Lucy? She is in our prayers.

[Amy Jo]

Done! (I love looking at cute pictures of girls ;-) Great thing you've done, cyber friend, keep up the great finds. Being a part of something bigger than myself is inspirational, as well for you I'm sure.
See you Sunday.

[Emily O]

Shawnie, I've have these same feelings for my little heart on feet with down syndrome, also a feisty fifth child!

[Bonnie White]

I have posted the I Love Lucy Project on my blog. Many of the mothers here have commented how new dreams have opened while initial ones closed. And for those mothers whose children are in jail, drugged or living on the margins of society I hope that they find new dreams too.

[[email protected]]

I became a fan of I love Lucy project! Little Lucy melts my heart!

[Emily Ferons]

I just love this family! I became a fan of I love Lucy on facebook.

[Emily Ferons]

I hope I can find ways to help. I posted the button on my blog.

[Dana King]

Became a fan. Lucy is adorable! How blessed you are.

[Chrysula Winegar]

Every time I am introduced to another member of this family, I feel blessed by the connection.

[Matt Langdon]

Whitney, in answer to your Facebook question - yes this is definitely a hero's journey (I'm sure you knew that anyway).

I've joined the Facebook group and should ask Shawnie to look at the five steps and write about them...

[Janna]

I think it's interesting that no one has responded to your question about a dream dying. This outcome may be a result of no one's dreams dying (yay!) or that some of our dreams have died, but nothing has replaced them (boo!). I fall under the latter category.

I think the challenge of a dream dying or even a dream no longer being applicable/productive to the course of our lives is bringing oneself "out of the ashes." We give our hearts to these dreams in the same way we would to a romantic relationship, and in the end, may be heartbroken. Putting those pieces together in a new way can be hard work, indeed, when we wonder if our heart is even in it.

What I find beautiful about Shawni's experience is that she's not let the heart out of dreaming - it's still the driving force, only it looks a little different on the outside.

[Maria]

Thanks for reminding us in such powerful way, that "it is through our struggles we grow the most". Just a couple of days ago the 3rd verse of the hymn "Nearer My God To Thee" jumped out at me in a way I had not previously noticed: "There let the way appear, steps unto heaven, all that thou sendest me, in mercy giv'n".

I pray for your family and for this project. I have become a fan on Facebook.

[Laurie]

Posted Lucy's button on my blog. I would Loooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvveee to have lunch with the Eyres. I love their ideas! Glad to support this!!

[Amy Sorensen]

I added as well, thanks for the post; it was moving.

[Francis Weaver]

I have had my button on my blog for a few months. This post brought tears to my eyes. It was very moving and it needs to be shared with others.

[Becki Clark]

I have been a "I Love Lucy" fan on Facebook since day one and have had her button on my blog too.

I have posted a post about Lucy on my blog:
http://fclarkfamily.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-love-lucy-project.html

I think Shawni is such an inspiration. She had made me want to be a better mom.

[Lisle]

What a beautiful little girl! It appears that Shawni has done something wonderful to deserve her.

[Lisle]

Wendy, your comment made my heart ache for your terrified little son (and you). I hate discovering after the fact that my children were frightened about something--it makes me feel useless.

And as far as dying dreams go, I suspect it's much the same--we don't identify with the dream going so much as the pain of realizing it's not going to happen. Perhaps they've not been identified? Or perhaps a dream never really dies; it just grows a different direction. I'm not sure.

I chose to be a fan of Lucy on FB, since I am blogless. Thank you for this post!

[Katie]

Wow, how moving & isn't Lucy Lucky to have such an Amazing Woman for her Mother who is willing to fight for her daughter! I of course grabbed her button, my 1st & only on my BLOG! I became a Fan & will be praying for this Precious Child!!
Health is such a precious gift, let's protect & cherish it!

[Lizzie]

I became a fan on facebook - what a moving story.

[Stephanie Anderson]

I'm a fan now too, and I sent it to everyone I know! Hopefully it'll spread like fire!