Becoming an Older, and Wiser, Woman

D-day, the day I've been dreading is finally here.

It wasn't always a Dread-day. There was a time when I gleefully anticipated my B-day; it couldn't come fast enough.

But now that my birthday is increasingly a reminder that my youth is fading, and my faced is etched with ever more wrinkles, like rings on a tree, my d-day, b-day can't come and go fast enough.  And, no matter how many candles I blow out on my birthday cake, being younger is a wish that won't come true.  So, I'm grieving, and given that there is a loss, grief is appropriate.

But how long shall I grieve?  If my grief is protracted, will I be diminishing, even dismissing, the life I've lived, the experiences I've had up to this point? More importantly, will I be saying that I would trade what I hope is becoming inner beauty for outer youth?  I don't like how I'm starting to look, but I do like who I am becoming.  In fact, I like myself far more than I did two decades ago when in my youthful prime.  My friend  Macy said it well, "the price of wisdom is youth."

Truly, truly -- I don't know how to do this getting older thing; it's so unknown.  While I'm figuring it out, I will undoubtedly have days during which I'm immobilized, giving into my fear, staring longingly into the Mirror of Erised.  My plan, however, is to take my age on, one birthday at a time.

I'm going to get older no matter what; I'd like to become wise too.  

***

Thoughts?

For more on this topic, re-read Lisa Poulson's terrific post Bette Davis (and Epictetus) were right.  You may also want to read On the Eve of Hope... Loss.  For a male counterpoint, take a look at Some Thoughts on Aging by Fred Wilson, a prominent VC blogger, whose birthday was earlier this week.

Comments

[Macy]

I hope you have a wonderful day today. I'm so grateful for you and grateful I can profit from your wisdom here on this blog and in person. Thanks for your example.

[Matt Langdon]

It's not my birthday, but my increasing age has been on my mind the last two weeks.

I'm in Paris with my family (wife plus 13 month old) and it has been a completely different experience to my previous six times. I'm not going to have those same experiences again because of my daughter being in tow. But ultimately my twenties made me what I am now, and equally my thirties will make me what I am in my forties. The investment I put into living now will be rewarded when my kid is 10 and when she's 20.

[b]

You do know Whitney that when I write about aging I do not mean old. I have discovered that there are people that just think young and therefore look that way.

My friend Mary goes full force forward...at the age of 70. I wish I could enclose a picture. (http://www.itcrossedmymindblog.com/2009/01/gift-of-thyme.html) She has introduced me makeup which turns out to be wonderful. I never really had treated my body with the respect it needed. You are so very young...ageless I would think. Beauty truly has no age! But negative thoughts will make us feel old at any age! Even makeup can not hide unhappy thoughts!

b

Tell M. hi!

[Blue]

Forty wasn't an age I looked forward to. But it's been a pretty good season of life for me. I think I didn't look forward to it because in my 20s it seemed SO OLD...so far away! That was as far away as I was old at the time, and it seemed like it would take forever to reach it.

How wrong I was. Now I just hope that I can slow down and enjoy the present before it's another decade gone. They pick up speed, like the end of a roll of toilet paper goes so much faster than the beginning.

Hope your next year is one of insight, personal progress, happiness and strength through any adversity. Happy Birthday!

[Blue]

PS: my friend Nannette Mecham mentioned today that she knows you from her NY days. I love small world connections! :-)

[Julie Berry]

Number one: You look great.
Number two: You really look great.
Number three: You're a delight.
Number four: You're in good company. :)
Number five: Young bouncy perky people are so much less interesting. And often just plain clueless. You are interesting. You are clueful.
Number six: Happy birthday.

[Laura]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITNEY!!!!!!!

[lisle]

Happy Birthday! You do realize, of course, that age is just a number. It doesn't matter once you've passed 21, unless you're waiting for something later. Why count? Celebrate the anniversary of your birth!

[Rachael]

Whitney, you are beautiful, and I love you!

[Vanessa]

I miss you Whitney! Happy "Thank goodness Whitney was born" Day!!!

[belle]

I agree with all these posts about how special and lovely you are. Happy Birthday, Whitney!
love
Belle

[Ellen Patton]

Life only gets better...

[Maria]

I noticed recently that when I look back at pictures I didn't think very flattering at the time, I'm amazed at how good and young I looked. So now I just remind myself that in the future I'll look back at how I look now and like it. Might as well like it now too! For some reason I enjoyed turning 40, finally felt grown up.

You are beautiful inside and out and I'm sure glad there is a YOU!

Becoming a Wise Woman, such great phase of life. Here's wishing you your best year yet!

[Amy Jo]

Such wonderful and true comments! I was confused when you said I dated the form with your birthday because I thought it was in August! Hope your day was wonderful. Thankful you became my friend.

[Jeanne Boudreau]

Focus on the wiser...we are growing wiser one day at a time. You put some 40 ish thoughts into words and helped us integrate the balance of maturation with wisdom in our visual society.

[Erik Orton]

My oldest daughter just turned 13. That was a tough one. I still feel so young. (Although I like to remember I got married young :)

For some reason aging seems more discouraging for women, but I think the struggle for all of us--regardless of age or gender--is that we feel like the window of opportunity to do and become all the things we want to do/become is getting smaller. We're all going to die, and we try to race against that fact. I suppose that's where, for me, remembering that this life is just the beginning puts it all back into perspective. As you point out, Whitney, we are gathering wisdom as we go. That wisdome can be carried with us. Experience is eternal. Our physical aging will not last.

I always feel young when I take care of my body as best I can, continue learning, create, and help others. Thanks for helping remind me the value of that perspective.