Janna Taylor: The Middle

Janna Taylor currently owns and operates Mind Full Tutors located on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. She holds a Masters of Education in Human Development and Psychology from Harvard University and has over ten years of experience tutoring students in some of the nation’s most prestigious schools. In 2008, Janna served as a judge for Harvard University's Education Enterprise Competition.  She talked about the beginning of her dream in the post If You Get Defensive, You're Getting Close

Heartbreak Hill is a roughly half mile stretch of low-grade incline between miles 20 and 21 of the Boston Marathon. Anyone who is familiar with this race knows Heartbreak Hill. Runners dread it. Spectators thickly line the streets to cheer on the brave athletes who dare tread its path.  What some might not know is that Heartbreak Hill is actually the last of a series of four hills that begin at mile 16, which makes reaching that final hill even more challenging because the hills begin at a point when a runner’s energy is quickly running out.  In other words, the middle is the hardest.

Like the exhilaration of the first mile of a marathon, when we begin an endeavor, the momentum and power of our dreams and the support of others’ well wishes drives us on. Over time, this energy may die down, not because our dream has lost value or that people no longer care. Rather, because the dream appears to move along at a steady pace. All looks well.

Source: istockphoto

You might think that once you’ve reached the middle, you’ve hit your stride. You get into your groove. Easy, right?

Nope. At least not for me.

Right now, I’m in the middle of my dream and it is hard. Even though I’ve come a long way, I have farther to go. How do I keep going when I am energy-depleted and in the middle of my Heartbreak Hill?

Here a few things that are helping me through the middle:

Recommitting myself to the vision. My business approached a critical moment this past spring in which I had to decide whether to maintain my business at its current volume or expand.  The initial vision was to expand, but frankly, it was tempting to stay at my current level. I was happy and satisfied with the level of income, number of work hours, and simplicity of managing a small cadre of tutors.  What I had to face, however, is that I didn’t sign up for a 5K run/walk. I had signed up for a marathon. To accomplish what I set out to do, I needed to recommit to the original vision of helping as many students as possible by expanding the tutoring center and hiring more tutors. To signify this my redoubled commitment, I hired three more tutors for the fall and negotiated a space expansion with my landlord. Had I decided to maintain my business’ success rather than increase it, I would not have been true to my dream or my capability.

Trying to view the middle as the beginning. Honestly, even though I am in the middle, every month feels like a start up month.  I am constantly learning major lessons or skills simply because I have to in order for the business to grow. I try viewing these learning opportunities as beginning down a new path that will make things easier and more productive rather than pesky things getting in my way. One proactive way that I keep this perspective is to audit my approach (policies, procedures, etc.) when something starts to lag or goes awry.

Source: istockphoto

Asking for help to see myself. Since beginning my business, several friends have had to talk me down from my proverbial ledge. Even in the midst of the exhilaration of living a dream, my self-doubt has momentarily stopped me in my tracks. During these times, I’ve called up friends and asked, “I need you to help me see me.” They always excitedly and graciously share their perspective that “Yes, you can do it and here’s why.” Sometimes when we are in the middle, we forget who we are because we are snowblinded by the difficulty of carrying out our dreams. Friends and family who know us and love us are often more than up to the task of helping us reconnect with our greatness.

Now that all the helpful advice is out of the way, I do need to mention one critical factor playing out smack dab in the middle of my very own Heartbreak Hill – bone weariness. I am tired. Really tired. I’m tired from doing something I love, but I’m tired, nonetheless. While I'm inspired, even comforted, by Warren Brown (Cake Love) who talks here about being "Physically Tired, Spiritually Amped," I still haven’t worked out what to do about my weariness.  My week vacation doing nothing but lay on the beach didn’t fully replenish me, which should be a red flag regarding my depletion levels. I do not know how to keep the physical and emotional energy at a critical mass.  Any thoughts or suggestions?

What are you in the middle of?

Most of fulfilling a dream is the “middle.” How are you sustaining yourself throughout this time?

Comments

[Science Teacher Mommy]

I once had a story about marathon runners who win because they "sprint to the finish." I've thought about that a lot as I work on various tasks. I'm always look for ways to refill the tank so that I've got the energy to finish, and finish strong.

[Science Teacher Mommy]

PS:

I've tutored a lot over the years and sometimes considered starting my own business--at least more formally. It is safe to say that I've been a small business owner off and on for five years with my tutoring. I'll have to read more of your adventures. After all, isn't learning and teaching the greatest adventure of all?

[Rose]

I think I am right in the middle of my "heartbreak hill" with blogging. My blog is a bit of a mess right now.... Long story short, do I keep going or do I stop trying. Just asking that gives me my answer. You never stop trying. You get up when you fall down, you pick yourself up out of your slump, you drag yourself along when you just can't go another step. You never give up, never ever ever!

[Matt Langdon]

Rose, your blog looks great. It's got its own style and a clear voice. Keep it going.

[Janna]

Rose - I think a legitimate question to ask yourself is whether you have accomplished what you set out to do. If you have, done. If not, then yes, keep going.

"Keeping going" for "keeping going's" sake is unproductive and could potentially distract you from pursuing other important, timely dreams. See what I mean?

[Whitney]

1. Coincidentally, I found this blog post from HBS professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter this afternoon. You may enjoy a quick read:

It's titled: Change is Hardest in the Middle

http://blogs.hbr.org/kanter/2009/08/change-is-hardest-in-the-middl.html

2. Hmmm... I would love for Nan (Science Teacher Mommy) and Janna to have a conversation. Yes, I know one of you is in Oregon the other in Manhattan, but one never knows. And certainly we need more women teaching girls and boys science.

3. Rose -- I tried to leave a comment on your blog, but comments are closed. It sounds like you've made the decision to keep going. And there's such passion in your posts you don't sound like you want to stop. Maybe it's more a question of you want the scope of your blog to be wider than what you have? So why not give yourself the challenge, for instance, of seeing the importance of owning a mini-van through the lens of Carrots and Vinegar? It's clearly important to you -- as is your topic, where is that intersection?

And if you still don't want to write then take the rest of August off (I did that once a few years ago, it was a good break), and then revisit in September!

Janna - you've hit on something here. Thank you!

[Janna]

Whitney - Incredibly helpful post at HBR! A few highlights that stuck out to me:

- Tune into the environment. What has changed since you began the initiative? Do the original assumptions hold?
- Search for synergies. Can the project work well with other activities? Can it be enhanced by alliances?
- Renew the dream, regroup to remove roadblocks, surround yourself with supporters who cheer you on, and stick with it.
- Those who master change persist and persevere. They have stamina. They are flexible. They expect obstacles on the road to success and celebrate each milestone. They keep arguing for what matters.

[Janna]

Nan - If you are considering starting a tutoring company, please feel free to contact me. In the meantime, the most practical advice in the starting stages that I can give is to do your market research.

For example, if you find that 10% (that is, 1 in 10 people) of the market would need to purchase your services in order for your company to pull a profit, then you need to rethink. When I figured out that only .3% of the market needed to purchase my company's services to produce a major profit, I more confidently moved forward with my plans.

[Janna]

p.s. Not sure why I called "Science Teacher Mom" Nan! I'll chalk it up to fatigue :).

[Amy Jo]

Janna, from a practical viewpoint, is your fatigue caused from a physical perspective, such as anemia, not enough sleep, or is your dream not fulfilling enough to sustain you. I'm so impressed with your accomplishments that I know you'll figure it out, but ask yourself why you feel tired and what are you tired of?

[Janna]

That's a great question Amy Jo. I am not "tired of" anything - just mentally and physically tired because my work takes an enormous amount of sustained emotional investment over a long period of time. I still love what I do.

Since returning from my vacation, I have forced myself to take 4 days off a week until the school year begins. This choice has helped significantly, but I've had to keep strong and deliberately plan it each week to make sure nothing slips through the cracks while I am not in the office. This choice is helping with the physical tiredness, in particular.

It also occurs to me that perhaps a way to maintain energy during the middle is simply to ask for help. I tiptoed into this idea last year by hiring an assistant. Perhaps my hiring more tutors this year and increasing my assistant's hours will ease the burden.

[Whitney]

I can't help but think that parenting has a big middle... There is the freshness of beginnings and the happy endings we hope for, and then there is the middle.

And as Janna writes, she's not tired of being a tutoring, or parenting, or whatever we love, but just tired, and then how do we replenish?

Glad you raised this Amy!

[Science Teacher Mommy]

"Parenting has a big middle."

Hah! To say the least.

As for the market research, you are absolutely right. A small business that was very profitable and worthwhile for me in my Houston demographic (high-stakes testing in schools, low cost of living, high disposable incomes, large population, a home with a separate study) has been less than lucrative in Eugene (all of the above circumstances nearly opposite). The hassles made it too much for me last year and I "retreated" from paid to tutoring to volunteer tutoring weekly with kids from my Church. At first I felt it keenly as a step backward. Still, I was loathe to give up the tutoring entirely--I just love it so much. And well, I'm very good at it.

After nearly a year of doing it, I came to realize just how many kids I had legitimately helped both as a tutor and a mentor. The kids want me to start up again this year.

My business comment was probably more my random thoughts about whether or not I want to go back to full time teaching in a year or two, or if my talents might be better put to other use. You see, I'm on the threshold of many dreams, and I'm still trying to navigate my way forward while figuring out what to leave behind. Sometimes finishing the race means dumping some of the baggage.

Love your forum, as always, Whitney.

[Lisa Crockett]

Janna,

As always I love to hear your voice -- thoughtful, insightful, intelligent. I know a little something about fatigue, and sometimes the best thing I can do is take on a little something extra. It seem counter-intuitive to add anything to your load when you feel you can barely keep your head above water, but a small goal with a short time frame can sometimes provide a little charge to your batteries while you're in it for the long haul with a larger project.

Keep at it. Fight the good fight. :)

Lisa Crockett

[Jenny Clawson]

First of all, I absolutely loved this article and completely understand how you feel. I have "lost that lovin'feeling" many times in my various careers and it has been a challenge for me to know when to stick and push through and when to move on. A thought that may help. When I was a cross country runner in High School, my coach taught me to pick my "knees" up when heading up a hill. Not my feet. My knees. When you pick your knees up and focus on that, your stride becomes a lot shorter and the power shifts to the larger msucles of your gluts and gives your quads and hamstrings a break. Likewise maybe it's time to "shorten your stride", and downshift to those activities that really play to your strengths and delegate the rest. Best of luck with all your endeavors- you can do it!