dare to dream

Grateful: Sunday, March 27

During college, I spent three hours a day practicing the piano when I would have preferred toiling away in the library alongside a cute guy or two.  Those hours of practice had their benefits:  practice led to decent grades and a senior recital I was proud of.  But I thought the scope of the benefits stemming from self-imposed practice room exile pretty much ended there.  

Until last week. As I practiced my speech for TEDxEmbarcadero, I found I not only knew how to put in the work, but how to prepare – because of piano.

I needed it, because I hadn’t given this type of speech before.  I’ve spoken in front of large groups, but my speech has always been typed out word for word to mitigate against any major gaffes.  When I have worked off an outline, the groups have been small, a dozen people or so, making it less a speech, more a discussion. Given that this speech would involve both a large audience, and no more than a few bullet points on index cards, I had to get to work.

As I did, there were things I instinctively knew to do:

1. Memorize the speech beginning with the last module, and work my way forward.  Every word uttered is a word closer to familiar territory.
2. Break the speech into small segments, repeating them until I’ve got them nailed.  Then, start stringing segments, followed by modules, together, with particular emphasis on transitioning from one module to the next.
3. Talk through the mistakes.  Mistakes divert my attention, and can quickly overwhelm my confidence.  As I practiced, instead of stopping when I made mistakes and starting over, I practiced recovering.
4. Incorporate my love of jazz.  While I did come to jazz fairly late, and haven't yet learned to improvise as I'd like, this speech gave me the opportunity to do that a bit.  Be so clear on the basic structure, there would be room for spontaneity, riffing the details here and there. 
5. Dress rehearse.  Full disclosure.  I didn’t really do that well in college.  Perfectionism ran way too deep.   But as a recovering perfectionist, in preparing for TEDx I ‘kindly asked myself’ to practice in front of a few people.  And I agreed.  When I did, I made huge strides.  Not only did my trusted advisors give me good feedback, as I practiced through my mistakes, my confidence began to build.  The key of course was to practice in front of people I trust.

Happily, the speech went well.

Practicing the piano.  A gift that's really begun to give.

Grateful.

Is there something that you did when you were younger, that you didn't particularly enjoy, but now you are grateful you did? 

Does this strengthen your resolve – to keep at your children to work on something?

P.S.  You'll note I missed posting last week.  I was sick.  So -- instead of wrapping up my Grateful series today, I'll do one more post next week.

Grateful: Sunday, March 13, 2011

Tacos make me happy.

So do quesadillas, tamales and enchiladas.

Whenever I'm in California, Utah, Arizona or Texas (or Mexico) -- I make a beeline for the nearest Mexican restaurant.  If it's a taco stand, even better.

Source: istockphoto

I ate a lot of Mexican food growing up, between my mother's home-cooked meals (she's from Safford, a nook-of-a-town in Southeastern Arizona), and our nearly weekly pilgrimages to Alicia's in San Jose.

When I write my recipe story, my mother's tacos will make the top five.

We all have food that nourishes us, that reminds us of where we came from.  When we feel nourished, we are better able to act, and not be acted upon, to pursue our dreams.

I'm in Texas this weekend for SXSW -- there is Mexican food aplenty. 

Grateful.

What foods nourish and comfort you?

Why?

Jenny Clawson: Resistance

Jenny Clawson spent eight years in the design industry, launching and running two companies before going back to school to earn her MBA with an emphasis in Entrepreneurship and Strategy.  Since then, she has been heavily involved in the VC and entrepreneurial community, and writes regularly for several sites including ecoutah.com which she helped create this year.  She has just started her third business (3rd times the charm right?), Launchworx, a platform that assists entrepreneurs in taking products to market and scaling their businesses more rapidly. Her personal site is www.rosecoloredgoggles.com.

***

Resistance.  We have all felt it at some point or another.  We set a goal, have a dream, have every intention of keeping that goal and realizing that dream, and then comes the morning.  The morning where we wake up and think, what was I thinking? Did I really say I would do that? Yep, that’s resistance. And resistance is not a morning person.

Source:  istockphoto

Last year was my year of resistance.  To everything, really.  I graduated from B-school with the idea that I would take a break from achievement for awhile.  I wanted a break from the endless nights of excel spreadsheets and power-point presentations.  I felt I had deserved it.  Before going back to school I had launched a business, so really, I had spent the past 4 years working around the clock.  And I was exhausted.  I dreamed of landing some cushy job with a paycheck, so I could then work on more important things, like getting a tan and perfecting my golf swing.

Well, you can imagine how well that turned out.  The cushy job did not materialize, and I was stuck. Trapped really.  In the belly of the whale, if you will. But unlike Jonah, I wasn’t swallowed up for 3 days, it was an entire year.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get “the job.”  I, who has always had great employment, who  has always been able to land whatever job I wanted, was now one of “those people.” The more I interviewed, the more confused I became as to what it was I even wanted.  But what really started to worry me was not so much that I couldn’t get hired, as that I didn’t really want to get hired. I began praying, pondering, exploring--willing with all my power to know what it was that I was to do now in my life.  I came to the realization that I didn’t want a “job.” What I was looking for was purpose.  I desperately needed to know what God wanted me to do with my life.  I begged, pleaded, bargained.  And the answer came.  It crept into my mind and whispered the one thing I didn’t want to hear. It grew louder and began nagging me incessantly, saying “it’s time to launch a business.”


Source:  istockphoto

So what did I do?  I did what any Jonah would do.  I ran in the opposite direction. I watched a lot of Food Network Channel. I went to the gym. I worked a little, and I cried a lot.  I resisted and resisted until I went through all 5 phases of the grieving process: 1) Denial and Isolation, 2) Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, and 5) Acceptance.  It was at step 4 that I knew I was in trouble.  I knew that “not achieving” was not working for me, yet I just couldn’t do it.  Every time I sat down to work on this new business, I became completely overwhelmed.  The thought of it exhausted me in body, mind, and spirit. Hello resistance.

Because I was incapable at the time to work towards my dream and had a lot of extra time on my hands, I channeled my energy into Tony Horton's P90x exercise program. This program is known around the world for being an absolutely grueling, intense workout, geared to cause muscle confusion.  So you are literally sore for 13 weeks. And the workouts are long, 1:15-1:30 hours each day, 6 days a week.

Nine weeks into the program and resistance reared its ugly head again. It was 10:30 pm, and I still had the Yoga workout to do. I despised that workout.  It was 90 minutes long--which is an eternity in downward dog. I sat on the couch rationalizing to myself, “its O.K. to take a day off.  You can just do two routines the next day.  No one will know.” In the midst of this inner battle, I remembered something Horton said on his DVD (paraphrasing). "Some days you will not be able to do as much as other days, but just keep putting the DVD in and pushing play".

So I said aloud, "Jenny, just get up and push play".

Source:  istockphoto

And that’s when I faced resistance head on and beat it.  That’s when I learned that it is in the I-don’t-feel-like-it, but-I-am-going-to-do-it- anyway-times that we make the real progress.

To live our dreams, we don’t need grandiose visions and plans. We just need to show up.  Every day. Even when we don’t feel like it.  Even when something “urgent” comes up.  Even when we are scared out of our minds and completely overwhelmed.  We show up.

So I have launched out—out of the whale’s belly and into the tumultuous sea. But I am out.  And I am showing up.

***

Are you perchance avoiding -- out of sheer terror -- the dream that you really want to pursue?

I have one of those dreams on my plate.  It's all I can do to get myself to spend a bit of time each day working on it.  Only after I've exhausted all of my other excuses, of course.  But like Jenny, I'm trying to pushing play.

What about you?

HBR Blog: Investing in Start-ups: For Love and Money

You may remember my post on Katie Couric; this post continues in a similar vein, but focuses on investing.  I would certainly put the "I am doing this because it's my dream" in the emotional job-to-be-done category.

I'll be interested in your take -- here or over at HBR.

 

Grateful: Sunday, March 6, 2011

When my husband and I moved to Manhattan, we lived in Washington Heights, 168th and Haven Avenue, near the George Washington Bridge. It was a rough part of town. I was frightened; I wouldn't go anywhere without him for a week. 

But necessity did take over.  We needed to eat while he was getting his PhD.  So I eventually braved the city to job hunt, and within weeks began work. Days and months passed. Then years. We moved to Boston a decade later.

Two decades later, I hardly recognize my younger self; a large part of the credit goes to New York.

Source:  istockphoto

There are places where each of us emerge, becoming more of who we are.

That place for me is Manhattan.

Forever grateful.

Is there a place for you that was formative?

Did you intend to go there?  Or did you go there for someone else?

Where is that place?