Amelia Hertzberg: Ballerina, Superspy, Oh My

Amelia Hertzberg grew up in Groveland, Massachusetts as the baby of three children. Currently she lives in Belmont, Massachusetts with her own three babies. Her interests include hiking, reading, creating, and having dance parties with her children. Now that her husband has finished his schooling, it is time for her to put some of those interests into a graduate degree and career of her own.

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I am never going to be a ballet dancer. In fact, there wasn’t ever much hope of that given I was born with both feet turned in and had to learn how to walk without tripping over myself. Despite that, however, it was always in the back of my mind that someday, when I was all grown up, I would be a beautiful ballet dancer- that or a female James Bond. Well, I’m all grown up, and I am neither a ballet dancer nor a sexy super-spy. It is time my dreamscape grew up too.

Source: istockphoto

It was sad the day I realized that I was too old to fulfill those aspirations. Personally, I feel like I took too much stock in the confidence my parents had in me. To them, I was beautiful, smart, witty, athletically gifted, and sure to go places. While I tried various things and did my best, it was as though, in my head, I was over there on the sidelines with them waiting to witness my greatness blossom. Rather than choosing something and working at it, I was waiting to discover my passion and for it to guide my life path.

Now that it’s pretty obvious savant capability is not waiting to burst forth from my brain or body and that I’m interested in too many diverse things for them to guide me, it’s easy to feel a little let down. Like many of you, I’m sure, I had loving parents who told me I could be what ever I wanted to be. There were so many choices that instead of choosing, I waited for an epiphany, and now certain doors (like ballet and, most likely, secret agent work), are closed. Now I’m mature enough to realize that no agents are going to see me buying groceries and decide I’m the next Audrey Hepburn or knock down my door saying they heard me singing to my children and that I’m a born lyricist. No one is going to tell me what I can accomplish and lay it all at my feet.

Then there’s the nagging feeling as I struggle to keep my house, children, and husband presentable that some people are not meant for greatness. Perhaps growing up is just realizing your limitations and doing the work you must. After all, history and the homeless person on the street show tons of people are stuck doing just that.

My work right now is being a stay at home mother. For some, raising a family is their dream, and their homes, husbands, and children are probably amazing, but it is not for me. As modern technology succeeds in making a stay at home mother’s work more mindless and less rewarding than ever, I think more and more mothers are seeking a creative outlet. Recent rises in the popularity of old fashioned skills like sewing, making jams, and knitting seem to support this. I’ve dabbled in these hobbies and found myself proficient but unfulfilled.

Here I am, old enough that childhood dreams have passed and new responsibilities weigh on me but young enough that I’m not ready to throw in the towel. I am in America: The Land of Opportunity. I have a college education. I have access to all kinds of information.  I have a longer life expectancy than any other generation in history. And, by golly, just because I’m a grown up with a baby on my hip and two others constantly trying to kill each other doesn’t mean it is too late to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and go do it. After all, even if I’d been a ballet dancer, my ballet career would be over by now, and I’d be in the same boat as I am. So, chin up, Amelia Renee, and go get ‘em, and you -- you go get ‘em too.

Has there every been a time when you had so many choices, you didn't make a choice?

"It was as though, in my head, I was over there on the sidelines with them waiting to witness my greatness blossom." Have you ever done this?  I have?

Now that your childhood dreams have passed, are you ready to consider your dreams today?

Amelia is going to date five dreams, and then report back in six months.  Have you dated any dreams recently?

Comments

[Dscofield]

Amelia & Whitney - 1 of the last few lines hit me - so many choices we don't make a choice. Sometimes I think we do have too many choices - it can be paralyzing. There are times I yearn for the simplicity of previous decades when it was all clear - but most of the time I relish the mess of choices. But the flip side is too much 'greatness' - I know a very very talented man in his 40's who is truly gifted in so many areas that it's paralyzed him - he's never been able to focus on 1 of the talents and also gives up if he can't be perfect at them all - he's paralyzed by an innate overload of choices.

Go dream - go try them - whatever you learn along the way you can use for the next one and next one - no matter how they turn out - just pursuing a dream is a tremendous accomplishment!

[Maria]

"...I’m interested in too many diverse things for them to guide me". "No one is going to tell me what I can accomplish and lay it all at my feet." I can relate.

I have been wondering what my next dream is...but not too much. For a little while I'm just enjoying "being"and the joy of accomplished dreams.

[Megan Nelson]

Keeping a daily journal is one of the best ways for me to balance what Maria describes as "enjoying being," while identifying and pursuing my dreams. This habit forces me to take regular inventory of my blessings and challenges (which are sometimes blessings in disguise), and helps me be accountable for goals I set when I write and later re-read my entries. In other words, this documents the things that "make me tick" and provides comfort. Amelia, I can tell you are a smart, talented woman, and I can't wait to hear about the results of your "dream dating." Good luck!

[Katrina]

I'm Katrina, Amelia's sister. I too mourn the loss of my ballet career. I actually had a dream last night that I was at a ballet dance class and the teachers came and wanted me to be in a recital. Not the prima ballerina or antything, but still. Practice on Mon Wed and Fri from 4:30 to 5:30 for 12 weeks....then I went and asked my husband if I could do it and he said no (in my dream) because I had to be with the children while he went to play soccer and attend his chuch meetings. C'est La Vie.

[Jeanne Boudreau]

We are looking forward to reading your posts. As a career changer myself (I am on my fourth), I have found being a parent and attending school takes more time then when I was not a parent. So be patient with yourself and the process...life will unfold when your passions come to your surface/awareness. As mothers we put part of ourselves aside for a while, then we have to reach into our brain and really think/plan (with expected interruptions. Good Luck with your transition, we are excited to hear about your journey.
Thanks for sharing your zig zag journey!

[Elizabeth Keeler]

Absolutely loved this post! Made me laugh and feel determined, the perfect pick-me-up. I hope you post back on what you decide to do. Thanks for sharing.

[amelia]

Thanks for all your comments! I feel like I have my own little cheering section, which is what I would think everyone needs now and then.

[April Pery]

Thanks for this post, Amelia. And yes, we ARE your cheering section! Motherhood is a beautiful, wonderful privilege, but that doesn't mean that the "person" inside the mom has to lie dormant. We'd love to have you write for us at The Power of Moms (www.powerofmoms.com).

I'm not the knitting, quilting, scrap-booking kind of mom either (I'm just so bad at it, and I don't enjoy it), but there are TONS of opportunities for women to thrive as they mother. It's fun for us all to uplift each other online. The Internet is such a blessing!

Looking forward to getting to know you more in the future!