dare to dream

Dare to Design: Shabby Apple

When Shabby Apple announced a Dare to Design contest, I thought -- Neat, tweeted about the contest, and indicated I'd be happy to feature the winner.  Done.

But then a tweet came back -- 'Why don't you enter?"

Surely they were talking smack.  But Miss Shabby Apple was serious: "You have a good sense of design, and you are darling, why wouldn't you?"

1. Because I don't draw.  I. Really. Don't. Draw.
2. Because "Designing clothes isn't my dream. It's for someone else to dare.  Why waste anyone's time, including mine?"
3. Because Athelia Woolley, one of the owners, though not a judge, guest blogged here... and I'm so very cautious about conflicts of interest.

But after two weeks of unsuccessfully pushing the idea aside, I capitulated, and got to work.  As per the instructions, here are my dress designs (in collaboration with Leslie Graff) for Shabby Apple dresses.

Design 1:  Work
Though I usually wear pants to work, sometimes I want to punch things up.  This dress is meant to be professional, tailored, feminine, and worn with my Manolo Blahnik patent leather strappy shoes.

Here's what I've learned:

1)  We don't dream in isolation;
Had it not been for Miss Shabby Apple giving me a sincere compliment, I wouldn't have considered this contest as within the scope of possibilities for me.  Simple words from a relative stranger; she was an artist of encouragement.

Is there someone for whom we have or can with a few words help open up their world? 

2)  To get our dreams done, we will likely need to field dare to dream teams;  
Only by asking for help from, and collaborating with Leslie Graff (thank you Aaron Hutchins for introducing us), was I able to enter this contest.  As an expert artist, Leslie was able to put what I envision on paper.  On the off chance that I win, I will split any royalties received with her.  Incidentally, she has dared to design her own dresses. They are adorable -- she should definitely have her own collection.   

What would you like to try?  What kind of help would you need?  What can be your quid pro quo?  Who can use your help?  What's her/his quid pro quo?

 Design 2:  Cocktail Party/Fundraiser Evening
This flowing, figure-flattering dress with trumpet sleeves and in colors reminiscent of my favorite Hermes scarf is to be worn with high-heeled slingbacks.

The final thing I learned:

3)  Sometimes it's about doing something, just because we want to...
Would I like to see one of these designs as part of Shabby Apple's Spring collection?  Yes.  But it was the process that made this contest worth entering.  Thinking through the occasions for which I'd need a dress -- what neckline, sleeve length, skirt style, and colors would most flatter my figure.  It was so much fun!

What would be fun for you?  Just because?

*** 

Related posts:
Is your dream off-the-rack?  Or tailor-made?
What we can learn from TLC's 'I've Got Nothing to Wear'
TLC's What Not to Wear:  A Hero's Journey

Filling the Empty Spaces in Our Soul

My friend Sally Harker recently commented, "I love nearly everything about your blog, especially reading stories of women who are achieving their dreams. BUT what about (which is when she sent me the link to this cartoon).....the women whose dreams go unfulfilled?" 

 

Sally has always asked me thoughtful questions (thanks to her, I wrote this post and this one).

In this instance, I'll answer her question with a rhetorical question -- have any of you achieved all your dreams?

I haven't. 

Do any of you have empty spaces? Empty spaces that never get filled -- at least on a timetable you like.

I do.

When dreams go unfulfilled, and spaces in our soul are empty, there is sadness -- we need to honor that sadness.

But isn't it also true that as we look to fill our empty spaces, it is then that we begin to 'write our story, one in which we are the hero, and ultimately make our greatest contributions?

What are your thoughts?

As you go back and read the posts from guest bloggers, can you see a recurring theme?   Space that was empty -- and a figuring out how to fill it?  And have you noticed that in the figuring out, women are finding their magic?  Becoming heros of their story?

Julie and Julia

Many of the critics just don't get this film. 

A number of women share my view:  the $10 we paid was worth it and then some. 

Dollar #1:  Meryl Streep.  Perhaps because it's my birthday this month, I'm feeling like I need to be a grown-up woman -- a real grown-up -- I'm not quite sure how to do this. Meryl Streep seems to.

Dollar #2:  Julia Child was in her 30s when she started culinary school.  In her 40s when she became a cooking instructor. In her 50s when Mastering the Art of French Cooking was published.  Sometimes our dreams take awhile to play out. Repeat after me. Mid 50's -- 20 years.

Dollar #3:  Her dream was right there.  So close she couldn't see it. Maybe even already a part of her.  Hat-making?  Playing bridge?  Nope.  Eat sumptuous food?  Experienced writer?  Organize voluminous amounts of material?  Pay dirt.  Many pieces of our dream are already at our fingertips just waiting for us to fit them together.

Dollar #4:  Julia Child walking into a class of all men who didn't want her there.  "I will slice onions better than any of you."  So much steel.  "I will not cry.  No sir.  But maybe you will."

Dollar #5:  Judith Jones.  We all need a Judith Jones.  The person who looks for the 'yes' rather than the 'no'.  Who invests in us, who is a see-er of our magnificence.

Dollar #6:  Julie Powell was stuck.  Committing to document her experiences cooking the 524 recipes in Child's cookbook was a means of becoming unstuck.  Something she liked to do.  Concrete long-term goal.  Daily checklist.  Clear timeline.  A winning recipe for 'unstuckness'.  And achieving a dream.  

Dollar #7:  Each of us has fears.  Boiling a lobster.  Eviscerating a duck.  Not a big deal to me, but they were to Julie.  We need to respect one another's dragons.  Then help slay them. 

Dollar #8:  Watching Julie and Eric make a space for her dream.  Eric was pursuing his dream and he encouraged Julie to pursue hers.  As her dream took flight, she was not as available as she had been creating conflict.  There's give and take, rough and tumble, as spouses grow and develop, learning to saying 'yes' to the relationship, even as we say 'yes' to our dreams.

Dollar #9:  When parents aren't as supportive as we need and deserve, if we are going to become our best selves we need to find people who will support us -- biographies and literature can do this for us by proxy remarkably well.  In studying Julia Child, Julie came to admire her, to be connected to her. 'Don't be afraid' came to mean so much more than advice about disemboweling a duck.  We all need an encouraging voice.  Julie found it in Julia Child.

Dollar #10:  Julia never met Julia Child, nor Judith Jones.  Neither is her accomplishment the stuff of myth.  But in undertaking the Julia/Julia project she re-discovered her self and made meaning of her life.  In the process, she helped me make meaning of mine.

Did you like Julie/Julia?  Do you have a Dollar #11?

Why?  Why not?

For another sampling of why critics don't get it, click on Ode to Julie and Julia.

P.S.  Thank you to Becka for her shout-out.   I am honored; I hope each of you guest-bloggers are as well.

Dare to Dream Desk: We have a Winner

Thanks to www.random.org, commenter #18, Emily O of Manhattan, has won the the dare to dream desk giveaway sponsored by Simply Desks; her desk will be shipped tomorrow.

In response to the Joseph Campbell quote, Emily wrote:

Did Joseph Campbell ever live in Manhattan?  Perhaps he speaks of the metaphoric room or space where we are protected, nourished by unconditional love and buoyed by constant encouragement.

Several other comments in that post are worth reading; I hope you'll take a moment and scan through them.

 

Source:  Ashley G on Etsy, or Kitty Genius

We can likewise draw inspiration from Ashley Goldberg's paintings and Abigail Adams' writings:

I have possession of my Aunt's chamber in which...[there] is a pretty closet with a window that looks into her flower Garden.  In this closet...I have a pretty little desk...where I write all my Letters and keep my papers unmollested by any one.  I do not covet my Neighbours Goods, but I...have always had a fancy for a closet with a window which I could more peculiarly call my own.

May each of us make for ourselves a place where we can bring forth who we were meant to be.

Janika Dillon: Interview with Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Janika Dillon holds a Masters degree in Organizational Behavior and International Development, and worked in Executive Education prior to staying home full-time with her four young children.  You can read her previous guest post 'Taking a Stay-Cation' and full bio here. 

One of the dreams that Janika is currently 'dating' is pursuing a PhD in History.  This "has translated into reading many historical books, researching History PhD programs, contacting students and professors in the field, attending lectures on historical topics, and even mapping out a possible time line to completion of the degree."

She continues, "One person that I wanted to learn from was Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, winner of the Pulitzer Prize in History and other awards for her book A Midwife's Tale, a Harvard professor of history and author of several other fascinating books about women in history, including the more recently published Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History.

A few days before my September 2008 meeting (yes -- asking to interview Laurel Ulrich took some daring), I mentioned the upcoming meet to a friend who promptly exclaimed, "Oh, she's my hero!"  I agreed wholeheartedly.   As you'll read below, Laurel Ulrich managed to raise a family and excel at her academic interests.  My thanks to her for sharing her time and wisdom with us."

***   

Janika:  Your life's work has been to study the daily lives of women in history.  What do you think is the benefit to women today in looking back?  What can we learn from these women in history?

Laurel:  I think the biggest benefit is exemplified by Christine de Pizan in The Book of the City of Ladies written in 1405.  She wrote, "There is nothing in the world that women can't do." 

We have the notion sometimes that women's lives have been uniform and unchanging over time.  What's so interesting in Christine's book is the variety of things women have done.  They've invented things, been leaders, been good at gardening, religious heroines. They've been queens.  She's got something for everybody in that book! 

It's a very, very simple lesson that I think has been lost.  There's a classic narrative that "Women have been confined to the home and then maybe 20 years ago there was a woman's movement and all these opportunities opened up.  Or conversely, all these terrible things started to happen", depending on your point of view.  If you look at the long view, women have always contributed to the economy of their society -- always!

Janika:  What were some of the obstacles you faced in becoming the kind of writer you wanted to become?

Laurel:  Time.  Finding time to write and forcing myself to use the small amounts of time that I had.  I remember when I was doing Beginner's Boston, a guide to the Boston area.  When my kids went down for a nap, I had to choose between trying to write or taking a nap myself.  It was a hard choice.  It was so easy to let all the demands take over.  Kind of like that Steve Covey thing about the urgent and the important.  The urgent always pushes out the important.  Then I would sit down and the words would come so slowly because I was out of practice and I didn't know how to write what I wanted to say.  It was a real challenge to get one sentence written. 

I continue to face this same challenge every day of my life:  shall I sit down and be miserable for a little while until I can make it work or not?  Writing is very, very hard, and it has to happen daily, inch by inch, sentence by sentence. It's hard to produce more than one paragraph a day.  Sometimes I let my students see my really rotten initial drafts.  It's comforting for them to realize, "Oh, she has trouble too!"

Janika:  Who helped you along this path and what kind of help did you need?

The #1 help and support has been my husband.  He thought my interests were great and he often recognized better than I did what really made me happy.  He was also a great practical help through the years by doing his share with the children and being a good dad and then he had a good income.  Let's face it!  That helped.  I didn't have to work for money.  My first paying job was when I was in my 40s. 

Second to my husband was my network of Latter-day Saint women.  Very important.  My good, supportive friends in the Boston area and New Hampshire.  I mean, I had friends who believed in me.   

Janika:  So, how did your kids fit into the picture?

Laurel:  My kids were good.  My kids grew up with me boiling things over and destroying pots and they joke about my absentmindedness.  They were good sports.  I did my graduate degrees one course at a time.  My oldest was in elementary school when I began and he was in college when I finished.  It was a long process.  I got my bachelor's degree in 1960, my master's degree in 1971 and my PhD in 1980, when I was 42.  My oldest child was 15 years older than my youngest.

Janika:  I think it would be interesting for Whitney's readers to know, did you ever dream you'd go from a small-town Idaho upbringing to Pulitzer Prize-winning author and professor at Harvard?   And what advice might you have for women pursuing their dreams?

Laurel:  Well, first, No--I never imagined that I'd be doing the kind of work that I'm doing now or be in the place that I'm now in.  So, I didn't plan my life. 

The advice I'd give people is that old cliche "Blossom where you're planted."  That is, do whatever you do wholeheartedly and with joy:  the joy really is in the doing.  I don't think we can expect or plan or attempt to win the prizes.  What I attempted to do was write with passion and in a way that would be accessible to other people.  I didn't ever want to just write books for other historians.   So I've worked hard to write in an accessible way.

I really didn't think I had achieved that with A Midwife's Tale so it was a surprise to me that it had the kind of success it did.  But, it was a joy to do.  I loved working on that book.  It was a transforming experience, really.  This may be a conventional insight, but it really is the doing that's fun!  The fifteen minutes of fame are exciting, but that's not what sustains any of us.

It's kind of like my husband, who likes to build things and I always want to see it get finished.  But I am gradually starting to realize that what he enjoys is the doing.  That's a really good lesson because if you don't enjoy the small pieces of whatever it is that your job is, you're probably not going to enjoy the end product when you get there.  I've heard that the best predictor of happiness in the future is enjoying what you are doing right now.

****

First off, 'Atta Girl' Janika for reaching out to Laurel (that really did take some daring, as it always does with someone that we admire) -- and for spending the time to transcribe the interview!

What have you learned from this interview?

Were you surprised to read about Christine de Pizan's findings?

As I read Laurel's remark that it's important to enjoy the small pieces of a job, I couldn't help but think of Bonnie White's Delight in the Doing, Christine Vick's Simply Living and Lisle Hendrickson's What Makes Me Happy.

Who would you like to learn about and from?  What if you were to contact and ask for the interview?  Even if they say 'no' -- what a victory it will be to ask for what you want.  (I did that this week.  No response, but I asked).  If she says yes, and you would like to publish excerpts from the interview here, we'd love to learn! 

For a transcript of Janika's conversation with Laurel Ulrich, click through to Janika's blog Run 'N Stitch.

I Dream of Disruption

In June, unemployment hit 9.5%, the highest rate in 25 years, and a "sobering indication that the longest recession since the 1930s has yet to release its hold", wrote the NY Times.

Not that any of us needed this statistic to know that times are tough.

Many of us have seen our net worth dwindle, and are tightening our belts to an extent we haven't had to in years, if ever.

Yet I find myself curiously optimistic.

When the Wall Street Journal asked Harvard Business School professor Clayton Christensen how the recession would affect innovation, his responding that it would have an "unmitigated positive effect on innovation"  was seemingly counter-intuitive.

He continued, "When the tension is greatest and the resources are most limited, people are actually a lot more open to rethinking the fundamental way they do business.  That's when breakthrough innovations occur."

Source:  istockphoto

A recent CNN Money article tells of a woman whose husband was out-of-work.  As she and her husband fundamentally rethought how to do business, they've made ends meet -- and then some.  This same article cites a study by the Kauffman Foundation indicating that 51% of the Fortune 500 companies began during a recession or bear market or both.

Maybe Christensen's ideas aren't so counter-intuitive.

We recently heard CK Woolley's story.  Without the need to rethink how she does business and lives her life, would there have been a Shabby Apple?

As an analyst on Wall Street, would I have amassed a set of portable skills if the resources I'd needed had been readily available?

Would our 'dare to dream' community have had the marvelous month of guest blogs, if I hadn't been resource-constrained?

Source:  istockphoto

Most women, particularly mothers, continually feel the tension of having too little time and too small of a budget.  Because of this tension, we are expert at rethinking how things get done.

And with the 'recession to have yet released its hold', is the time not ripe for our expertise?

I'm dreaming of disruption.

In my own life and in yours.

And that's a good thing.

What are some other breakthrough innovations?  Under what circumstances did they occur?

Have the current economic difficulties opened doors to your dreams sooner than you had anticipated?

Thanks to Dana King for passing along the CNN article. 

Jennifer Johnson: 'May Fortune and Failure Not Deter Me'

There is something powerful about writing down our dreams in the form of a personal creed or declaration. Thank you to Jennifer Johnson, the founder and president of Coraticum Asset Management (bio below), for sharing hers with us. 

May Fortune and Failure Not Deter Me

If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And meet those two impostors just the same..
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more-you'll be a [Woman my daughter]!
-Rudyard Kipling

These words regarding triumph and disaster initially seemed to me to be glib or even poor advice.  Why should we not celebrate successes and mourn our losses?  

Is it not human to do so?  

But there is danger in adulation.  Fame incessantly calls for a pause to acknowledge and to enjoy the appreciating crowds, creating friction in moving toward greater achievement.  With the brilliance of artificial lights in one's eyes and the deafening applause in one's ears, it is difficult to see and think clearly, making it impossible to see what is in the shadows or to hear what is whispered.

Source:  istockphoto

Fame faced Florence Nightingale when she returned to an adoring public after the horrors of the Crimean War.  Having been so dogmatically opposed by family, public opinion and bureaucracy, and permanently weakened from the Crimean fever herself, Ms. Nightingale could have justifiably taken a break.  She had saved lives and dramatically altered the public perception of nursing.  (At that time, nurses were either Catholic nuns -- in Protestant England -- or immoral women tainted by sleeping on the same hospital floors as the patients.)  

 

However, Ms. Nightingale's greatest accomplishment came after she had achieved notoriety, when she took on the greatest bureaucracy of her day, the British War Department, thereby not only making permanent her work for nursing, but also institutionalizing more human treatment of the foot soldier.  

 

***

Disaster is equally deceptive.  A horrifying disaster can color one's perception so completely as to destroy all self-initiative and self-esteem. If instead disaster is viewed as a temporary period of learning, then hope is preserved and exellence continues in its incubation.

 

Thomas Edison can be viewed as one who treated successes as impostors since no invention stopped him from accumulating 1,000 patents in his name.  Perhaps more impressive is how he dealt with disaster.  Arguably his "sucesses" are the fruit of how he treated failures as experiments or opportunities.  His invention of the first commercially viable incandescent light bulb came after trying over 1,600 different materials for the filament.

 

 

At 67 years old, a fire wiped out many of his profitable enterprises.  Edison reportedly said, "We'll build up bigger and better than ever.  Why should I be downhearted?"  Not many people immediately look upon a pile of ash as an opportunity for something bigger and better.  A trusted assistant once wrote "Edison is indefatigable.  No kind of failure, however disastrous affects him."

It is so easy to mistake my accomplishments or errors as permanent and associate them with my intrinsic value.

I don't want it to be this way.

I therefore hereby commit my energies, concentration, and resources to view all my seeming successes and failures as stepping stones of learning and opportunity. 

Have you ever composed a personal creed, written down your dreams?  

What important contributions might you have not made had you stopped after an early success?

I've written about the limelight in The Galadriel Test, but never about failure.  I'm intrigued by Jennifer's discussion; our failures can not only debilitate us, but also our posterity.  Has this ever happened to you?

Do you have a personal creed and/or dream that you would be willing to share?

*** 

Jennifer Johnson, CFA, is the founder and president of Coraticum Asset Management.  She is also the fund manager, directing and executing all investment strategies.  Ms. Johnson graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor of science degree from Brigham Young Univeristy and later returned to receive an MBA degree from the Marriott School of Management.  From 2001 through 2006, Ms. Johnson worked as an equity portfolio manager at Ensign Peak Advisors, the investment affiliate of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Her commitment to lifelong learning includes the completion of the CFA program (2006) and two sequential language immersion programs at the Spanish Language School of Middlebury College in Vermont.

Guest Post: Janika Dillon on 'Taking a Stay-cation'

"I don't even have the time or energy to hear myself think a thought, how can I possibly 'dare to dream'?"

If this is your current plight, dear reader, I dedicate Janika Dillon's guest post (see her bio at the end of the entry) to you. She begins:

This week I've become a rebellious hermit.

Since last October, our family has been planning a spring break trip to visit friends and historical sites in Pennsylvania, a trip for which I had:

• Researched where to eat, what to see (and best day to see it), entrance fees, hours of operation, parking fees, best driving routes, etc.
• Made a neat pile of all my research and had a packing/things-to-do list two pages long.  
• Checked out children's books and tapes about Gettysburg, The Statue of Liberty, Valley Forge, and more.  
• Selected travel friendly activities for my children and bought lots of snacks.
• Did all the laundry, packed all the bags, vacuumed & cleaned out the car, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned the whole house. 

Are you tired yet?  I was.

Minutes before our planned departure I told my husband, "You know, I really don't want to go on this trip. I just want to stay home all by myself for five days." He quickly agreed, discussed with our four kids, and within minutes they were gone. Without me.

At first I felt guilty and slightly rebellious--who am I to opt out of the family vacation?  I love my kids, was looking forward to some family time and was eager for them to learn about our country’s history with me as their tour guide!  

But I really did need a break.  It had been three and a half years since I had the whole house to myself for a few days, and in fact, what I'd wanted last Christmas more than anything was "12 hours by myself in my own house!"

Courtesy:  Swallowfield

Once I gave a million kisses and waved good-bye, I found myself suddenly alone in a perfectly clean and quiet house. I had no desire to venture out of the house; I just wanted to luxuriate in time to myself. I made a long list of things I wanted to do, including some sewing, organizing and keeping in touch with loved ones.  

I called my 88 year-old grandparents for a delightful hour-long phone call.  A few minutes later a dear high school friend called me, saying "I just saw your phone number in my book and thought I should call you." We spoke for two hours, our friendship never missing a beat. I chatted with another out-of-town friend who happened to be coming to Boston this week; we've planned a day's worth of lovely activities. 

I began to sort through files on my desk, finding long-forgotten scribbled notes on tiny scraps of paper with phone numbers and emails of friends I meant to contact months ago. One friend had a baby in December--still haven't been to see her. Another newly-discovered friend is an amazing artist, mother and person--someone I'd love to know better. My husband and four children going in different directions had left a wake of neglected friendships and missed opportunities.

More than that, I had filled my mind with so many to-do lists in the midst of mothering chaos, I had forgotten how to hear my own voice over the past few months. When a quiet moment did come, I didn't how to use my free time because I didn't really even know what I wanted to do.

Courtesy:   Swallowfield

With everyone gone, I thought I would feel lonely, that I would listen to books on tape all day to keep me company. But I'm not. I love the silence and the chance I have to hear my thoughts, to wonder what what I will think up next, to wake up early, my mind spinning with new ideas.

Just this morning I woke up with a plan for how to improve my town’s Patriots Day celebration. Paul Revere rides through our town each year complete with a mini-parade, a speech from the Mayor, the high school band and lunch at the Revolutionary-era funeral home.  But because the crowd (mostly comprised of young families and grandparents) waits about an hour between the time that the mini-parade is over and when Paul Revere actually rides in, the high school band runs out of songs to play and an awkward dead space ensues.  

My early-morning idea was to involve the city historical society, the city family network, the local top-notch university and other city and business organizations to sponsor several historical activity tables for the children to learn more about Paul Revere and the history of our town.  I mapped out the layout, supplies, partners, activities and funding in less than an hour and realized that I felt so strongly about this project that, if needed (gasp! How scary is that to my shy self!), I could go talk to the mayor, business owners, historical society president, or whoever I needed to help get this event rolling.

Courtesy:  Swallowfield

It was so refreshing to discover that I felt strongly about something that I was willing to step outside of my comfort zone to make it happen.  In my normal 'non-rebellious, non-hermetic' life, I often find myself pushing away really good ideas because I just don’t have time to develop or implement them.  Maybe, just maybe, this time away from the noise will allow me to set some priorities for myself until the next time I take an extended break.

Joseph Campbell wrote, "You must have a room, or certain hour of the day or so, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don't know who your friends are, you don't know what you owe anybody, you don't know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen."

As I carried on coherent conversations with my long-lost friends, many were at first shocked I would stay home, but then commented enthusiastically, “Oh, that is exactly what I want to do!”

It has been my perfect stay-cation and I highly recommend it. 

Kudos to Janika for 'asking for what she wanted'; kudos to her husband and children for saying 'yes'. 

For Mother's Day, your birthday, or even next year's Patriot's Day, why not ask for a Stay-cation?   Everyone leaves, and you magically remain home alone.

For more on this topic, click to Making a Place for Your Dream, Spoiler Alert, When our Loved Ones Ask What about me?,  A Space for Women's Voices.

P.S.  In the spirit of full disclosure (she says with tongue firmly in cheek), I've purchased more than several pieces of art from Swallowfield, and plan to purchase many more in the coming years.  Jennifer Judd-McGee's art makes me happy!

***

More about Janika (She asked me to shorten, but it was far too interesting!)

Janika Dillon originated in Ithaca, New York where her parents were in graduate school. She spent her childhood roaming her Wichita, Kansas neighborhood on a sparkly blue banana seat Schwinn bicycle and organizing club meetings in the tops of trees. Her teenage years were spent in Provo, Utah where she played violin in the orchestra, designed and sewed the costumes for school musicals and Shakespearean plays and dreamed of traveling to Europe.  As a student at BYU she studied Communications and German and had the time of her life studying abroad in Vienna, Austria and Frankfurt, Germany.  Two hours before departing for an 18 month church mission to South Korea, she turned in the final draft of her honors thesis about noted 19th Century woman's suffragist Emmeline B. Wells.  

One month after returning home from her mission in Korea, she returned to work as an intern at a small manufacturing company in Seoul.  The fascinating experiences with the women in this office and other companies she eventually interned at inspired her masters thesis on "Women in the Workplace in Korea" for her degree in Organizational Behavior and International Development. Janika worked in Exec Ed for a few years before moving to Boston with her husband James and deciding to stay home full time with her four young children.

Writing our way to a right-sized dream: Rebecca Nielsen (Part II)

In her guest post, Rebecca Nielsen (see Rightsizing our dream: Rebecca Nielsen), the mother of twin daughters, and a graduate of Harvard's MBA program, wrote "After each class I kept a journal of how my education in brand management, strategy, controls or finance would serve me in the non-for-profit arena – and I kept the dream tangible: someday I would run the American Red Cross."

I was impressed by Rebecca's discipline, and intrigued.

By keeping a journal, or 'telling her story' in real-time, could she also write her way to a right-sized dream?

My initial query was, "How can your mothering experience help you to continue to prepare to run the Red Cross?" She reframed with , i.e. "how is what I am doing now preparing me to make a significant contribution in the realm of humanitarian relief?"

Here's what she's written:

For the last month and a half I've kept a journal (about 2-3 times a week) focused on my thoughts about humanitarian relief as prompted or spurred by my daily activities as a mother.

Some entries related to interactions with my children, but for the most part I wrote about the current handling of specific disasters (e.g. the neglect of the junta following the cyclone in Myanmar, the efficient response to the earthquake in China, etc.).

My experiences as a mother are likely schooling me in qualities of character important to non-profit leadership; however, what this experiment confirmed is that my current lifestyle also grants me the mental space to digest much of what is happening in the global humanitarian aid arena.

The journal entries became a set of "lessons learned" as I observed actions of leaders and aid organizations through a variety of sources from The Economist and The New York Times to video conferencing with my parents who are among those on-the-ground in assessing the needs of flood victims in Romania.

I also found this type of exercise a satisfying complement to the physically and spiritually demanding role of caring for young children -- it enabled me to establish a balance in my thinking between the world and the home-sphere.

Both are real and relevant.

There are mothers who are struggling to feed their infants because of disaster and the rise in commodity prices. It made me grateful and humble and sometimes ashamed -- and drove some vibrant dinner-table dialogue about action we can take as a family.

Some observations:

July 3 -- Numerous victims of the cyclone in Myanmar fared fairly well in the absence of aid because they had developed certain life skills that enabled them to live off the land (they knew how to fish, etc.). To some extent ultimate aid is enabling individuals to hone skills and prepare stores to deal with a disaster themselves (although this isn't always sufficient). In the western world, fishing skills may be of limited use, but having 3-day-kits, food and water storage, financial reserves, and emergency education can be potent tools.

July 8 -- The response of the junta is particularly tragic because they refused support and denied access during the relatively brief window of time after a disaster when the world is willing to give its attention in the form of media coverage. Alas, the regime was focused on other priorities rather than maximizing the impact of the relief efforts!

July 12 -- There is a need for transparency to "investors" (i.e. donors) in the non-profit world as there is in the capital markets. Imagine a research house that analyzed various non-profits and provided return-on-investment proxies for various donations. Imagine investing in a mutual fund of non-profit organizations ("hunger fund," "malaria fund," "U.S. hurricane fund,") and then getting performance updates.

July 29 -- Gates and Bloomberg are combining efforts to combat smoking -- they have earmarked $500M for the purpose. It is exciting that the Gates Foundation will likely prove a rigorous vehicle for dispensing aid resources and creating new thinking around measuring performance.

September -- Although Hurricane Gustav only hit New Orleans as a Category 2 storm, local and national officials had anticipated a storm of the magnitude of Katrina or worse. As a result, the mayor ordered a mandatory evacuation, and 2 million people left the state. Should we fault officials for being over-prepared? No. We should chalk it up as a victory: taking thoughtful action on the best information available merits applause, regardless of the outcome.

Are any of the rest of you trying to figure out how to right-size your dream? Have you thought about writing your way there? Or to your dream -- period? Should you want to share, you have a forum here.

After reading Rebecca's post, I'm thinking that she and Belle L should connect. Don't you agree?

Has Sarah Palin's VP nomination increased the probability that Rebecca can achieve her dream?

Related posts:
It takes courage to tell our stories
Tell you story
Psyche's 1st Task: Sort the seeds
A philanthropic hero's journey: Luanne Zurlo
Rick Riordan's Golden Fleece

Spoiler alert

I woke up this morning happy, rolled over, slept some more.

An hour later, I woke up again, giddy.

My husband took our children to visit with family for the day.

So I'm home alone without a list of a million things that I expect myself to get done because my perfectionist self is away as well...I kindly asked that she go on holiday -- and proceeded to give myself a permission slip...

To watch two episodes of What not to Wear (if anyone would like to nominate me -- would you please?)

To get up when I want to.

To think what I want to.

To do what I want to -- when I want to.

Used by permission from Swallowfield

What will I do today?

I don't know yet.

And I don't need or want to know.

My friend Jen said to me recently, "How can I 'dare to dream' when I don't even have time to think my own thoughts?"

She's absolutely right, isn't she?

If you don't quite have it in you to carve out a day alone 'just because', when your husband or boyfriend or roommates or parents or friends ask you what you want for your next birthday, tell them you want a day all by yourself -- in your very own house -- to think your own thoughts.

It's going to be hard to ask -- so before you do -- you may want to read: Martha and Mary, Psyche and choice, Asking for what we want, Making a place for your dream, Learning to 'Let it Be'.

A day by your self will feel indulgent.

It will spoil you.

And it will feel wonderful.

Have any of you done this recently?

Just how hard was it? Or not?

How did you feel?

Did you find there was there more, not less, of your self, more ability to care and connect?