dare to dream

'I'dea-licious: October 2008

Dear friends -
Whether you offered up in-depth commentary, or left an encouraging word -- thank you!  

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Some thoughts on Sarah Palin
Will you do a little bit more research on Sarah Palin?  About what she actually has to say about the world and how it should function?  She just doesn't seem qualified. Would love to hear your thoughts, even if you disagree with me.  Anonymous

Whitney post-script:  Initially I discounted my several friends' opinions because not only did we differ politically, but they had gone to Ivy League schools and I had not.  But when a friend who shares my political views, and didn't go to an Ivy, and is not involved in politics, indicated that she can answer more questions about world events than can Gov. Palin, my reasons for discounting their views vaporized.

Just hours later, I was negotiating (with a woman I've never met) via e-mail the speaker line-up for an upcoming conference. Though this woman is clearly knowledgeable and her views should be carefully considered, when she began to push for one particular speaker, I found myself thinking "Let's just let her have this."

What?

I didn't think -- She's smart. She knows what she's talking about. Her ideas matter. I respect her.
But rather -- She's being emotional. Let's just pacify her and move on.

Et tu, Whitney?

I still like Governor Palin - and she has governed well by many accounts. But I get it now.  I want -- we all want -- women to achieve prominence not because we look the part, but because we are the part, because our ideas matter, because we are respected.

P.S.  Have you read the commentary about Tina Fey's hilarious impersonation titled Sarah Palin and her parasite? 

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When our loved ones ask 'what about me?
I LOVED this. Honestly, I've felt that pull several times in my life and I've been the one resisting at times too...loved this, something to think about and watch for in the future.  LL

This is a post I can relate to.  Sometimes I wonder if my husband wants to keep me tied down or if it's a perception because we're not communicating.  Amy

In a very short time, I will be an empty nester. While it does free up my time and resources, it has been unbelievably heart-wrenching too. I became so skilled and competent and effective at being a stay at home mother. I juggled committees, church responsibilities, some contract work on the side but mostly I listened to the pleas "What about me?" and stopped listening to my own internal music...I admire you younger women you are trying to balance both career and family and though it isn't always easy, you may find that when you arrive at the empty nest stage, you can breathe a sigh of relief because you have other things that you have mastered and achieved along the way.  Bonnie White

Copyright by Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008.

Whitney post-script:  Thank you to Bonnie for her kindness (for it was kind to share with us her story) to those of us who don't currently have nests, or the nests are still full.  It's a reminder that we need to have 'yes' (connection) and 'no' (protection) in our repertoire.  Despite the difficulty of attending to our loved ones AND our selves, it is worth the effort. 

As Amy points out, our family may want us to dream.  Quite often they will say they do, but won't  provide the resources needed for the dream to happen either because they don't know how, or because they are ambivalent.  Either way we need to have the discussion.

As for Laura's comment, I suspect many of us are in the position of having others resist the pursuit of our dreams.  But, if we look a little further, we'll find that we have probably said 'what about me?' a time or two ourselves.  I know I have.  Just remember yes and no.  Both/and.  And why not re-read Psyche's 4th Task?

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Which secret garden will we tend?
In most areas of our lives we can find both the disaster AND success.  I have just recently lost a baby at 20 weeks.  That was a disaster.  Still mourning.  Where is the success in that?  Here it is: my child gained her earthly body.  Becky

I did attend my 20th high school reunion this year, but I dreaded it.  I didn't want to confront my awkward teen-age self, and I didn't want to see that self reflected in the eyes of people who had known me then.  It turned out to be a healing event.  EHD

When I am around people that have never grown up, even at the age of 66 I can be wounded all over again.  From this experience I have learned distance and forgiveness.  The distance comes from moving away from the relationship.  The forgiveness comes when I don't ask others to sacrifice their happiness to keep me happy.  Kindness, I would like to think, fills the corners of the garden.  b

Please weed this conversation out of your Secret Garden, and throw it on your personal "compost heap".  By composting such experiences, you recognize that there is "garbage" in life, but that it can be reworked for good; after a significant amount of time and proper decomposition, it may even be used to nourish and fortify your Secret Garden. Nothing beats good fertilizer!  Danalee

Source:  istockphoto

Whitney's post-script:  These comments are heartfelt, insightful, pithy.

For further reading on this topic, my friend Julie recommended the memoir The Glass Castle.  It's a little tough to read, but a great case study on making a choice about how to frame our lives, and the importance of our loved ones in making that choice.  As you'll read in her dedication, it was Ms. Walls' husband who finally persuaded her to tell her story.  In his words, 'everyone who is interesting has a past.'

You may also want to read Sonja Lyubomirsky's post on Psychology Today; she wrote the book The How of Happiness.  If you still want more, you can listen to my friend Jane's NPR interview with Ms. Lyubomirksy here.

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Planting cherry trees
I re-read FDR's inauguration speech which was linked to the article you suggested. So much of what he said applies to us today.  It lifted my spirits for the day and given the market, that is priceless...Stacey

Sometimes we are like Veruca in Willie Wonka.  She says: "I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now." I liked your reminder to be grateful on a daily basis.  BW

This post ranks in my top 10 favorite Dare to Dream entries...We take care of each other by investing in each other. Throughout my first year of business, friends, family, and acquaintances took care of me by investing in my dream - financially, physically, and emotionally...Thanks for the reminder of the leap of faith that they took on my behalf.  Janna

Source:  istockphoto

Whitney post-script:  As we continue to move through this tough time, I wanted to share these words from Rabbi Irwin Kula.  In his book Yearnings, he writes, "Certainty is seductive.  Our culture rewards not-knowing a liability; but about the important things in life, the opposite may be true.  There isn't a single character in the Bible who understood beforehand the outcome of any journey he or she underwent.  What makes these characters so special is not that they are somehow superhuman, wiser or more evolved.  It's that they don't scale down their dreams to the size of their fears."

Thank you Rabbi Kula.

Thank you to each of you for sharing a piece of your selves.

'I'dea-licious: September 2008

Dear friends --

So many insights this month -- may you enjoy the recap as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

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Looking for the 'I' in the Twilight Series
It's sometimes funny how something so simple as a junior reader novel can cause such varied and drastic comments.  Emily

These stories are SO romantic, but the reality is that we as women can (and should) be our own person (whatever that entails for us) AND find true love--they should not be mutually exclusive...Perhaps Stephenie Meyer might write that into the story somehow as part of Bella's (or maybe even Renesmee's) character development...Rachael

I enjoy Meyer's books because they are devoid of moralizing. What a refreshing approach from a Mormon woman! She's writing interesting stories full of questions, rather than answers - always the mark of a good writer...  Stephenie Meyer is a model Dare to Dream Girl. She literally started her writing journey by dreaming! Janna

I understand that the books are fantasy and I've heard enough from Stephenie's interviews to know her motives are good, but I still think there are too many young people who don't distinguish well between fantasy and real life and who make poor choices as a result. Susan

My daughter and I were talking about this tonight.  What if, and it's kind of a big metaphysical "if", one of the reasons that Bella's so headstrong about being with Edward is that she somehow senses that he holds the key to the realization of her potential?  Lisle

Whitney post-script:  I LOVED that we were willing to say we disagreed and were civil about.  Typically when I disagree with someone, especially a woman, rather than debating the point, I will change the subject.  While this can be good, it does mean that I have very little practice articulating my view in the face of an opposing view.  I suspect this is true for many women.  Is it possible that the blogosphere provides enough intimacy that we are willing to engage, but enough distance, that this is a safe place to practice saying what we really think?  For further thinking on this topic, see Guy Kawasaki's post, Is Face-To-Face Communication Always the Way to Go?   

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Julie Berry, a Boston author and mother of 4, is definitely someone to watch.  She's got a fantastic young adult book coming out in March 2009, Amaranth Enchantment.  The main character is a young woman who is a delightful combination of wits, strength and determination.  Julie Keenan

You should try any of the books by Shannon Hale. Her heroines learn much more and are strong women.  Lindsay

Whitney post-script:  I appreciated all of your recommendations of books with both/and female characters.  Characters that use both yes (the word of connection) and no (the word of protection -- or of identity).  In addition to Shannon Hale and Julie Berry, Matt Langdon recommended Trudi Canavan's The Black Magician, Janna Taylor A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, and Julie recommends Robin McKinley.

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Some thoughts on Sarah Palin
I would love to see her succeed, just for the sake of all of the dreamers (including me) who have worked so hard to juggle our families and our work and our dreams.  To be told she should stay at home with her daughter (shouldn't the daughter take responsibility for her actions now?) or that she doesn't have experience (doesn't she have more than Obama?) or that only a man can shoot for the moon (are women to be in the workforce, but only in menial jobs?) makes me root even more for Palin. Lisa

We live in a time when there are so many opportunities for women. Well-said! Lori Lyn

One of the most striking things about the Palin debate is that some of the most hateful things I have heard or read about her have been from women. As women we can be each other's strongest supporters and loudest cheerleaders.  But on the other hand we can be each other's loudest critics.

Palin is unapologetically herself...She has a bear rug in her office.  I guess she didn't get the memo that taxidermy is uncool especially in the design-blog world.  She owns her choice.  She owns who she is.  Could that ownership be why I hear such unreasonable animosity towards her by women?  Are we jealous of that ownership?  Erinn

Whitney's post-script:  I thought about posting some of the comments that the nomination of Sarah Palin would set women back several decades, but I just couldn't.  Because I disagree.  I get to do that, don't I?  Civilly of course.  Should you want to think further about Lisa and Erinn's points, take a look at my posts Celebrating systergy and The dark side of systergy.

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Writing our way to a right-sized dream (Part II):  Rebecca Nielsen
I feel as if I am standing in the same moment breathing the same air. It is refreshing to be reassured from Rebecca's experience...It wasn't until listening to your interview with Maria Carr that I was able to recognize that I have been pursuing a new dream..one where I can remind women that the decisions they make about food for their families are vital. Alyson   

I love the idea of preparing for our dreams, dreams that we know can't actualize at the moment, because of current circumstances, but by finding ways to reserve some time in our lives to focus on that dream, which keeps us hoping and keeps the dream alive. Margaret Woolley Busse

Loved the part two series; [Rebecca] has a similar dream to mine - an emergency preparedness forum.  The journal is a great way to prepare for the future. Amy Jo

Whitney's post-script:   I am excited about exploring the journal writing/telling our story in greater depth which I'll have the chance to do in the next few months as I'm going to be teaching a mini-workshop on journal writing.  In the meantime, thanks to Macy for flagging Wordle; for those of you that are trying to figure out what you care about -- why not keep a dream journal for a few weeks -- and then copy and paste the text into Wordle.  What words come up?  For me, dream is prominent, but dare isn't.  Maybe there should be more dare in there. 

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Finding my voice:  An Inteview with Maria Carr

Whitney's post-script:   I'm profoundly grateful for your encouraging words.  Your praise brought to mind a post titled Grateful girlfriends make the best stress relievers.  In particular, I thought you'd enjoy the line "Friends who praise and appreciate life together get closer to each other and soar higher in their personal and professional lives." 

Whether men or women, this is systergy -- the praising and acknowledging of one another -- the seeing of our magnificence.  Thank you again for the oxytocin, systergy, and for being such a terrific 'dare to dream' team! 

'I'dea-licious: Jul-Aug 2008

Dear friends --

As in past months, I'm highlighting some of the many insightful comments, with a quick post-script. Though this post is tinged with sadness, please read through to the end.
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When dreams collide
Socrates famously stated that the unexamined life is not worth living. Thoreau took this a step further when he retreated to the woods to think. (His mother still did his laundry, but the role of women in facilitating famous men's dreams is another subject...) I once apologized to my brother for not writing more frequently. He wittily retorted, "The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the examined life is not lived at all!" As long as you are living things you love, it's better to experience life than to write about it.  Elizabeth

I think dreams occasionally morph into something entirely different than what we visualized. Could it be that your current project is a result of the introspection and writing you did on your blog? Barbara Torris

Delegating is very interesting, and often quite productive.  I wonder if blogging occasionally could be a good activity for the kids?  Lisle

Source:  istockphoto

My favorite childhood book, Blueberries for Sal, describes how Little Sal and her mother go blueberry picking and gather blueberries to can for the winter.   Little Sal only thinks about eating the blueberries, while her mother thinks about canning the blueberries. Maybe, like Little Sal's mother, you could "can" some blog posts for the "winter," when you know you won't have the time, energy, etc. to write.  Janika

Whitney's post-script:  Elizabeth's comment set the tone for this entire post; Lisle's post reminded me of the importance of bringing our children along as we dream; Barbara's that as we alternate between living and examining, our doing improves the examining, the examining, the dreaming.  And Janika's, I couldn't help but again think of the farmer's market...
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When a dream dies
A few things I've learned from my yoga practice: The postures are opportunities to experience levels of intensity and change, and most postures require solid grounding and an open heart. Hmmm...sounds like a wise model for what we are discussing. As we acknowledge our sense of self (our identity, wants, dreams, etc., aka, "grounding") while at the same time, maintain a willingness to accept what comes our way (dreams dying, unexpected life changes, etc., aka, "opening"), we honor two great forces for good -- human will ("I can do "x") and humility (I accept "y").  Janna

Miscarriage is truly a loss! My own experience opened my eyes to the pain of women unable to have what they want and desire above all - to be a Mom.  We did have another child after this miscarriage, but the pain I felt then was a learning experience I shall never forget - nor minimize for others. Grieving is so important and cannot be rushed through. Wish I could give you a hug.  Elizabeth Raubach

I just finished reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.  In the book, the author says, "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."  Rachael

Whitney's post-script:  I was so moved by your empathy.  It reminded me how ill-equipped I am to deal with certain types of loss such as protracted, possibly terminal illness in myself or a loved one.  When others share these experiences with me, I tend to fail miserably at offering empathy, left noticing that my dear ones are sad, not knowing what else to say or do.  Isn't it true that "when we get experience that we got that we didn't want", we are finally able to empathize?
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Rightsizing our dream:  Rebecca Nielsen
I've been thinking about this post quite a bit. I still don't know that I have an application for myself yet. I found my career on the way to my actual dream of becoming a mother. The dream of motherhood was my dream deferred for many, many years. I worked very hard to enjoy my career in the meantime. Now that I am home raising my son, I am having a difficult time deciding how and even if my career has a place in all of this now  Still thinking.  And I will start my journal again as well.  I know that will help me.  Great suggestion. Macy Robison

Source:  boundto on Etsy

Whitney's post-script:  Macy's comment underscores the theme of examining our lives, of telling our stories, of the caring and compassion that is innate to women, made all the more poignant by the story of Stephanie Nielsen (NieNie) you shared with me earlier this week.

Stephanie and her husband Christian were in a plane crash in mid-August.  The crash was fatal for the pilot, and left NieNie with 80% of her body burned, her husband 30%.  In a post written by Jane, Nie Nie's sister, she wrote, the "blogging world has overwhelmed me and my family. Strangers e-mail the most inspiring words".

Jane then eloquently writes, what sacrifice would you go through personally, to personally affect thousands of lives? Your beauty?

Words fail.

'I'dea-licious: June 2008

Dear friends --

You are so very 'I'-dea-licious!   So many insights--- thank you!

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dare to dreamgirl:  Maria Carr
I love the process of learning and creating. When I am done with that I am ready to hand it off to someone else. That is why we need other eyes...to let us see what can come next what we can become.  Barbara Torris

Thank you Barbara.  If you are wondering, how do you become a 'dare to dreamgirl', there are really only two criteria:  1)  You need to do something 'big' for you -- and very out of your comfort zone; 2)  I need to have helped you, mentored you, encouraged you in your process.  So I guess that means there's a 3rd criteria -- you asked to be mentored (and we all know how tough it is to ask) - and I said yes.

Speaking of dare to dreamgirls, will you click the kirtsy button to the left and see what's happening with dare to dreamgirl Dana King.  She started her blog less than a year ago, a blog which has helped her find her voice, to hone her idea for the designHop club.  And now she's been written up in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.  Baby steps really can become giant steps. 

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An 'A' or an 'F' on the Galadriel Test?
There has been no mention of Bella's religious belief, so it is safe to say she is not Mormon, only the creator of the books is. So why should she have to make her characters in the book exactly like her. She has already commented that she would never put premarital sex in her books, so I don't understand your problem with it. Bella and Edward do not have sex, because Edward has some form of religion. He wants to get married first. Now, going into the fourth book, they are engaged, and are going to wait to try until after they are married. I guess I just don't understand your anger or issue with the books, or Stephenie Meyer.

Rosa, thank you for taking this on.   Were you to interview a large sample of Mormon women, I think you'd find this cohort both ambivalent and avid readers of her work.  But, BUT, as I wrote in a follow-up post, Et tu Whitney?, I see myself applying a double standard.  What's even more fascinating to me is that even as I sort through my ambivalence, I purchased Ms. Meyer's most recent book, The Host and have bought or recommended it to several others as well.  There is so much more to be said. Like you, I love Benzion Chinn's thoughtful analysis of Stephenie Meyer and Orson Card's work.  Bottom line -- I don't have this one figured out -- this seems to be a fairly fruitful discussion, so let's all keep talking.

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The allure of the pom-pom
We often want (because it's easier and more simple) to identify with one or the other -- and act accordingly to the expectations of that role. I wonder if the fluid and skillful movement between these "roles" (cheerleader and player) is what generates the energy needed to accomplish our work, whatever that may be.

As for the Twilight Series, Bella is loved because she exists - not because she does everything right, fulfills expectations, or has a great haircut. I believe that deep down this is what we all want -- to be loved for our very existence.

When we "work" to secure love and acceptance (whether through showing the nice parts of ourselves, saying what we think others want us to say, dutifully playing a role that may not be in line with our purpose, etc.), I wonder if we preclude ourselves from having what we really want -- to be loved simply because we are who we are.  Janna Taylor

We do want to be both -- don't we?  I strive so hard to have a both/and mindset, but seem to so often slip into either/or.  Janna, yours is the kind of insight, even systergy, that I think all bloggers hope for.  As we talk to one another, we both teach and are taught.

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As I recently read a number of your entries, I thought that the tone of your posts had moved a bit from the more (extended discussions of your thoughts, experiences) to the less personal (e.g. cheering on other people, etc.). I wondered whether this was deliberate or not.  Anonymous

Astute, dear friend.  Because cheering those I love makes so me so very happy, AND because self-introspection is sometimes tough particularly when I am trying to 'be in the game' and it sometimes feels like the score is 0-28 and I'm in the last two minutes, focusing on others is my more comfortable place.  However, because of my deep conviction that we need to learn to be cheerleader and player, nurturer and accomplisher, harbor and ship, my goal is to begin alternating between the two types of posts.  And yep -- you can hold me to it.

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Rachel and Leah:  Reclaiming our power to dream
Rachel may have been beautiful and favored.  But she was self centered--very; she thought only of her self.

Thank you Maggie.  I certainly didn't see this as a both/and when I first starting thinking about Rachel and Leah as a metaphor for ourselves.  Seeing the dark side of Rachel and light side of Leah has come with time which I've written about in my post Why I liked Wicked and to a lesser extent in Martha and Mary. 

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When we say No
I have to take a rain check on guest blogging. I have had some health and family 'stuff' come up all at the same time this past week and just can't put my heart and mind into as I should and as I want to...I am learning to prioritize, that is for sure...If in [a few months] you feel that it would still be pertinent to pick this up then I would be happy to refocus on it.  Anonymous friend of Whitney's

I was so impressed when I received this e-mail.  She said 'yes' to herself, 'no' to guest--blogging now, but yes? to the future.  Beautifully done.  It is so difficult to say no which is why is why it is Psyche's 4th Task, not her 1st.  For those of you interested in a few practical tips, here's a video clip with highlights from O Magazine's How to Say No.  One caveat -- I don't agree with everything that's said, but I did find it thought-provoking and on balance helpful.

Thank you again to each of you for your comments both on and off-line!  Keep 'em coming!

'I'dea-licious: May 2008

Dear friends --

Thank you once again for your insightful comments - you were absolutely 'I'-dea-licious in May!

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Blog I Like:  Portabellopixie
Oh, I love her fabrics as well.  They're so cheerful!  I don't know about what's out there made from her fabric, but I'd love to sew something for you--maybe we could make a deal!   Janika

Love this idea Janika. LOVE.  What a 'farmer's market-y', systergistic proposal.  Can't wait to do some bartering.

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Will kirtsy please take a bow?
Besides admiring the kirtsy women's perspective and strength, I think the new name is more meaningful than the original. To "curtsy" means to show honor and recognition, which is what kirtsy does so beautifully. Kirtsy honors and recognizes the best in things and people. To my way of thinking, this conflict helped kirtsy drill down deeper to their essence.   Janna Taylor

Janna's comment raises two important points:  1)  When we bow or kirtsy to the magnificence in others, we give them a gift of inestimable value; 2)  the crisis that precipitated the name change from sk*rt to kirtsy could certainly be defined as a Road of Trials along the hero's journey.

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Enchanted anger
I suppose that there are a great many of us who recognize we're uncomfortable in a given situation, but don't realize until later that it's actually anger...Sometimes we've suppressed them all [our feelings] for so long that we forget what they are.  Lisle

Just this past week I was flat-out startled at my response to a particular situation.  I had so cleverly disguised my anger (again, because girls don't angry - or was it rage?) that I didn't recognize it for what it was until one of my dear friends had the courage to show me to myself.  I won't lie -- it was tough.

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I think we need to be sure that we stick to the "subject" when we are angry.  Define what is bothering us and then only, only, only deal with that one thing.  Barbara Torris

What a difference adhering to Barbara's advice would make.  And yet because most of us haven't learned how to do anger very well, and thus don't often speak until we've reached the point of rage, sticking to the 'one thing' becomes supremely difficult.

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Scribble Press:  Helping our children tell their story
Child or not, I think everyone has a story to tell...How great would it be if we could each find enough of ourselves to get published.  Emily

So, so true Emily.  One of my favorite books of recent years is Robert Atkinson's The Gift of Stories.  In it, he writes, "the ability to see our life as a comprehensible story is a key to our happiness."

P.S.  Thanks in part to your systergy 'Scribbling our children's way to self-esteem' is now one of this week's most popular stories over at kirtsy.   Anna and Darcy have  invested so many resources (brains, heart, time, money) into Scribble Press -- it's wonderful to see your support. 

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If you get defensive, you're getting close
I loved your blog last night. I've read it a couple of times. It hits close to home. I'm really grateful for your wisdom in knowing what to write.  Anonymous friend of Whitney's

Janna, thank you for having the courage to tell your story -- because courage is required to tell a truthful story.  And look what happened? Janna has helped another woman screw up the courage to dream her own dream.

Also, please note, that even though the comment is posted as anonymous, I did ask for the author's permission to post.  It is so important that each of you know that if you want something to be kept in confidence, it will be.

Thank you again to each of you for your comments both on and off-line!  Keep 'em coming!

'I'dea-licious: April 2008

Dear friends --

You are making so many interesting, thought-provoking comments, I'd like to ensure you receive your proper due.  So, without further ado, here's what you say and do. 

Thanks for being so 'I'dea-licious!

Fielding a 'dare to dream' team
Love this sort of discussion about the 'nuts and bolts' of dream building!!!  Melanie Mauer

Thank you Melanie.  I hadn't really considered writing more about how-to 'do' our dreams.  It's a great suggestion.  Will think on this.

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Ways to additionally compensate a member of your Dare to Dream Team are a) write a recommendation for them on their LinkedIn page or website or b) offer to serve as a reference.  Janna Taylor

I like Janna's practical idea.  Writing a recommendation takes some effort, but what a way to let someone know you appreciate their work. It can also fall into the category of 'barter' which women tend to do marvelously well -- especially 'stay-at-home moms' (e.g. for my friend Kathleen, growing up, there were eight children, dad was just out of law school:  for her mother, barter was a beautiful thing!)

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Collaborations are great because they bring a fresh perspective.  I am learning that I cannot do everything (i.e. I need help.) and to trust my instincts on who I bring to my collaborative table.

As an architect, Erinn collaborates on a daily basis.  And whether we realize it, I think we all do  Who are you collaborating with?  Whose fresh perspective (and quite possibly diametrically opposed) can you invite into your life?

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dare to dreamgirl:  Jessica Gooley
Congrats [Jessica]!  Your darling animals [Belly Button Bunch] are worthy of promotion...I will feature on my blog soon.   Dana King

Kudos to Dana for her systergy. Dana not only provided advice, she supported Jessica by posting about the Belly Button Bunch on her blog.   For another lovely example of systergy, take a look at Macy's blog.      

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Getting in the game
When you are playing the game you are always a winner!  Barbara Torris

Great point Barbara.  I think that sometimes we are so concerned about playing the game perfectly that we fail to show up.  And yet when we show up, and suit up, some amazing things can happen.  Remember the 'what if' game.  What if you hadn't gone to that one event you almost didn't go to?

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What is your dream? 
Word of caution:  Trust is a key element. Only engage those whom you trust can offer objective, constructive criticism. And you must trust yourself to handle feedback without feeling judged.   Anna Giraldo-Kerr

Thank you Anna.   Trust is so important isn't it?  Trust that they will give constructive advice AND trust that they care about us.  The Simon, Paula, Randy archetypes come to mind.

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When we say 'no'
In Peggy's April 15 post, she writes "some times we seek validation by being needed by others", which leads us to say 'yes', when we would really prefer to say 'no'. 

I continue to be fascinated by the words 'yes' and 'no', they are such powerful, powerful words.  Have any of you conducted the experiment of saying 'no' for a day, considering what your 'no's meant you were saying 'yes' to? 

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American Idol:  Which judge are you?
Note that Simon has been loved OVER TIME, his value was not seen in the first episode of the first season...Do we give the "Simon's" in our life a chance for continued feedback or do we shut them off once they deliver the first "harsh" news?   Stacey Petrey

Have there been people in our lives that we didn't appreciate immediately, but because we were stuck with them (by choice or unavoidable circumstance) they have come to be among our most trusted advisors?  For those of us who are 'Simon-like', what are we doing to ensure that feedback is delivered in a way that it can actually be heard?

Thank you again to each of you for your comments both on and off-line! Keep 'em coming!