dare to dream

Myth of Psyche

According to psychologists Jean Shinoda Bolen and Robert Johnson, there are very few stories that describe the psychology of feminine, rather than masculine, development. 

The myth of Psyche is one of them.

Psyche is a mortal woman who wants to find her estranged husband, Eros, God of Love and son of Aphrodite. Aphrodite, whose jealous fit led to their meeting and falling in love in the first place, holds the key to their being reunited: it often happens that whatever has wounded us is instrumental in our healing.

To become who she is – to accomplish all that she is meant to – Psyche needs to not only love and nurture and care and connect, she also must learn to sort through and prioritize her possibilities, obtain power without selling her soul, keep her eyes on her prize, and say no.

May I now share with you Mallika Sundaramurthy's original Myth of Psyche illustrations?

Task 1:  Sort the seeds - Sift through and prioritize possibilities

Task 2:  Gather the fleece -- Get things done

Task 3:  Fill the flask -- Accomplish a goal

Task 4:  Fill a box with beauty ointment -- Learn to say no

Which of these four tasks is most difficult for you?

What can we learn from the men in our lives as we complete our hero's journey?

What can men learn from us?

If you think these images are as wonderful as I do, please take a moment to let Mallika know.  She may even be willing to sell a print to you  -- I know I'm going to want one.

All images are copyright by Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008. 

P.S.  Mallika is the artist who designed my pOstcard for the Oprah contest last year.  It's fabulous, isn't it?

Related posts:
Stories we love and live by
A Hero's Journey
Psyche and choice
Learning to say no
The Galadriel test

dare to dreamgirl: Jessica Gooley

Do you remember Psyche's four tasks, the 3rd task requiring her to set a goal (fill the flask with water) and achieve the goal despite fairly significant distractions (raging stream etched against a jagged cliff)?

Well, Jessica Gooley has done precisely that.

Jessica works full-time as a cardiac surgical nurse.  She spends considerable time caring for her mother who's had a stroke, and in recent months attended to her daughter during a difficult first pregnancy.

But Jessica had a goal.
Which she's achieved.
I'll let her tell you in her own words.

I am a Cardiac Surgical Nurse who has dared to dream about creating a business to sell kits of unique and whimsical animal wall hangings. I took 3x3 pictures of felt wall hangings given me by my older sister, Jenni Christensen, a Utah artist. From those original 3x3 pictures I now have kits for 13 of these whimsical animals which include patterns, material, thread and instructions. Even though it is not listed as included in the kits, as people complete the kits and see the finished product they will also have a delightful feeling of joy as evidences by the smiles on the faces of all who see these whimsical animals appear.

(Note:  The Belly Button Bunch was featured in Organize Magazine (as seen in the lower l.h. corner above); photo courtesy of LaNola Kathleen Stone.)

I came about this dream by reading a “Dare to Dream” article written by a good friend, Whitney Johnson. Through this article and the encouragement of Whitney, I have started on the road to realizing my dream.

My dream has been nurtured by the people, places, and experiences of my life. I was born in Salt Lake City, but then moved to Hawaii where I was surrounded by the vibrant colors of those islands for 10 years. My next stop was Idaho and lived next to a wildlife refuse and enjoyed many animals on the farm. After high school I went to nursing school in Portland, Oregon. My travels then took me to Southern California where I met my husband of 28 years. I have called Texas, Oregon and now Shrewsbury, Massachusetts home. Three wonderful children have blessed my life. Some 35 years of my life was spent working in the medical field, the last fifteen as a Cardiac Surgical Nurse.

When you get a moment, please go over to Jessica's website and take a look.

If you have any ideas on how to market the Belly Button Bunch, why not practice a little systergy, and share your ideas with Jessica.  Better yet, pass along the link to Belly Button Bunch.

Atta Girl, Jessica!

What have you been thinking about doing?   

How can the metaphorical eagle help you?

Related posts:

Psyche's 3rd Task:  Fill the Flask
Handicrafts for the hero's journey
dare to dreamgirl:  Dana King
Blog I Like:  HellomynameisHeather

dare to dreamgirl: Margaret Woolley Busse

Margaret Woolley Busse is the newest 'dare to dreamgirl'. 

Margaret's been thinking about starting a blog for some months now, a blog in which she examines how public policy affects our everyday lives, and which by the way, she is eminently qualified to do. 

And now she has.

In her post titled "The Meaning of 9%", Margaret leads off with "Nine percent.  Usually an insignificant amount...But when 9% represents the percentage of registered voters who voted in a recent annual town election, [and who are thus] determining the course of government in the town", 9% is no longer insignificant.

Thought-provoking stuff.

Within the context of 'dare to dream' there are many reasons to say Atta Girl!, but I'll focus on two:

1)  Margaret has made a choice (a difficult choice given that she has an MBA from Harvard) to be a full-time mother to her three young children.  In honoring her decision, she reminds each of us to acknowledge and affirm our own decisions.

2)  Even as Margaret honors her decision to mother full-time, she recognizes the importance of dreaming, of attending to herself -- which she is doing by carving out time to craft her blog, to formulate her thoughts on policy and politics.

It won't be easy. 

In his book 'The Power of a Positive No', William Ury describes what she's doing as learning to "marry the two most fundamental words in our language: Yes and No.  Yes is the key word of connection (deciding to mother full-time).  No the key word of protection (of identity or self)...The secret to standing up for yourself and what you need without destroying precious relationships is to marry the two." 

Please do take a moment to visit Margaret's blog, read what she's written, and to leave a comment telling her Atta Girl!

Related posts:

Psyche's 4th task: Learn to say no

Pew Research Center's Mothers Prefer Full-Time Work

Psyche and choice

Making meaning in Malawi

Doorsteps, doors and dreams

The hazards of 'Getting in the Game'

"Throw down your pom-poms and get in the game."  A phrase I heard frequently during the late 80's, early 90's while working on Wall Street.

In one of my very first posts (see below), I boldly implored women to throw down our pom-poms, get in the game, our game, and be the hero of our story.

Photo courtesy of john carleton @ istockphoto

1 1/2 years later, I am astonished that I employed this metaphor.  I knew about being a cheerleader, but as an early days Title IX gal, I've never played competitive sports, and thus had no experience with 'literally' getting in the game.

Ahh, the bluster of inexperience.

Obviously, I knew that football players wear helmets and pads because it's dangerous, you get bumps, bruises, and broken bones.  But I didn't know.

No doubt I had glorified the 'getting in the game' of my life whether at home, work or in the community, not recognizing that this would involve saying no and negotiating conflict, none of which my cheerleading had prepared me to do.

I'm learning, but because I'm not good at it, I can feel pretty beaten up some days.

Photo courtesy groveb @ istockphoto

As I've nursed my wounds by sharing them with my friends, two of them, both of whom are psychologists by training, said something strikingly similar:

Learning to negotiate conflict is an important developmental milestone, one that ultimately enhances and strengthens our relationships.

Did you know this?

I didn't.

Does this mean that if we throw down our pom-poms, and get in the game, when we pick our pom-poms back up, we'll be even better cheerleaders, better heros of support?

Isn't this what Psyche did?  She went on a hero's journey, which required her to learn to say no, so that she could say yes to her relationships.

When have you set boundaries recently?  Said no?  Negotiated conflict?

Hard?

For me too.

Helmet and pads required.

Related posts:
Throw down your pom-poms
It's just a game!  Precisely!
Three cheers for oxytocin
Psyche's 4th Task:  Learning to say no
What I've learned from identifying my heros

Soundtracks: finding our voice, telling our story

Before I list the songs that comprise my current top five (for my top 40s), may I share with you some of the 'dare to dream' lessons learned from this six-part series 'Tell your soundtrack story'?

1)  Re-listening to beloved childhood music helps us become the hero of our story

As I re-listened to music I loved as a girl, I remembered (I really had forgotten) that I once LOVED making music, playing the piano in particular.  Which is why my recently volunteering/being asked to play the piano every Sunday for the children at our church is such a gift; I'm rediscovering the making of music, and taking back something that I loved.  I'm even toying with trying to compose a children's song.  Any lyricists or poets among you?

As you listen to music from the time in your life when you still knew you were Rachel (see Thank Heaven for Little Rachels below), what do you remember about who and how you wanted to be?  How can this remembering help you to be the hero of your story?

2)  Are any of the songs/musicans we loved as teenagers the keepers of our dreams?

In his book 'This is Your Brain on Music', Daniel Levitin writes "Safety plays a role for a lot of us in choosing music...To an extent, we surrender to music when we listen to it -- we allow ourselves to trust the composers and musicians with a part of our hearts and spirits."  (see Soundtrack Story:  Career, Motherhood and 9/11 below)  Remember how each of my soundtracks had a song that I labeled as my 'imagine and explore' songs, from 'Everybody wants to be a Cat', 'Play that Funky Music White Boy' to 'Smooth'?

As you re-listen to music you loved as a teenager, is it accurate to say that these songs felt safe to you?  What did you aspire to be or do that you couldn't share with others, but shared with the musicians you listened to?  Is it time to take this piece of our selves back?

3)  Soundtracks tell the story of finding our voice

It is interesting to me that I loved Helen Reddy's 'I am Woman' thirty years ago, but it is striking that my 'girl power' songs have evolved from the myth of Psyche's head-butting to fleece-gathering 'girl power' (see Second Thoughts on Psyche's 2nd Task below) whether India.Arie or Zap Mama's songs.

What will your soundtrack say about the finding of your voice?

Virtual Insanity -- In the spring of 2005, just weeks prior to my leaving Merrill Lynch, I was in Holland in the back of yet another cab.  Jamiroquai's 'Virtual Insanity' came on the radio.  I was so taken with the music, I asked the driver to turn the volume up really loud.  This song, more than any other, reminds me of the thrill of imagining and exploring and then daring.

Sweetest Someone that I Know -- It wasn't until my husband and I had been married for over 20 years that I heard a song that pinpointed how I feel about him.  It is fitting that this song came from the mind and heart and voice of Stevie Wonder.  It also reminds me that when we as women undertake the hero's journey, the journey only has meaning if it helps us be happy at home.

Miss Q'In - Love the music.  Love the lyrics more.  Zap Mama distills into one song my hope for me and for all women -- that we may travel far and wide, seeking to be a princess, but eventually we will realize that what we want is to be 'me'.  Such a Rachel, learning-to-be-the-hero-of-our-story, song.

For Good -- I've written extensively on this song (see Why I Like Wicked below), but at its most basic this is my systergy song.  It always reminds me how happy and grateful I am to have so many women with whom I can share the dreaming and daring.

Beautiful Flower --  India.Arie is herself a huge admirer of Stevie Wonder.  Yet another Rachel, myth of Psyche song.  For more details, see the 'A Song to dream by' below.

P.S.  One of my runner-up songs is Tamyra Gray's Ha Ha.  This song gives utterance to the anger that I, and perhaps you, sometimes feel when what we want to give the world isn't received.  (Note too that I was only willing to give it runner-up status -- some interesting psychology there no doubt).  I've got a lot of thoughts about why anger is our friend.  Another day.

Related posts:

Thank Heaven for little Rachels

Soundtrack story:  Career, motherhood and 9/11

Second Thoughts on Psyche's 2nd Task

Why I Liked Wicked

A Song to dream by:  Beautiful Flower

A down payment on our dream

Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Anna Lappe, O Magazine, June 2003

Have you ever heard Charles Dickens' aphorism, "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."

Pithy.  Earn money.  Spend less than we earn.  I couldn't agree more.

But there's so much more to be said about money.

Like 'annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six' -- on what?  And why?

In other words, once we've exceeded this basic hurdle of money management (spending less than we earn), then what?

For instance, how do we spend our money?  Doesn't how we spend mirror how we see the world, reflecting back to us if there's a place for our dream?

Source:  istockphoto

For example, when we spend money to house, feed, clothe, educate -- and play with -- our children, aren't we making a down payment on their happiness, their 'who they are', and on a close-knit family? 

What about money spent on savings and investment?  Maybe we are spending now so we can feel secure in the event of a rainy day.  Perhaps we want a world in which our children go to college.  And maybe we want the financial wherewithal to give back.

As we participate in philanthropic pursuits, like the Snow Leopard Trust as my daughter does, aren't we casting a vote for a world where we take care of our own, even as everyone is our own?  If we tithe, are we not spending for a world where God matters? 

There are so many great ways to spend our money, but I do wonder Is there any room in our budget, any money at all, for a world in which our dream has a place?

Perhaps, we feel we don't have the money (or time, or permission) to put toward our dream.  Happily, Psyche didn't need to shear the rams and then obtain all of their fleece, she needed a just bit of fleece that the ram's had perchance rubbed off on the brambles in order to complete her hero's journey.

Just a little bit of fleece, a little bit of time, a little bit of money, to make a down payment on our dream.

If you do a quick rundown of what you spend each month, how much do you spend on your children's dreams?  Or your dreams for your children and/or spouse?  Friends?  The world?  Yours?

What else can Psyche's journey teach us about making a down payment on our dreams?

How can we harness Charles Dickens' advice on behalf of following the advice of Anna Lappe?

P.S. Matt Langdon over at The Hero Workshop forwarded this article Look at yourself before it's too late to change -- a good, quick read.

Related posts:
Psyche and choice
Valuing what women do
Systergy in St. Louis
A philanthropic hero's journey:  Luanne Zurlo
Of Corvettes and Porsches

Doorsteps, doors and dreams

"You're leaving again Mom. You're never here," said my 11 year-old David, as I was walking out the door to the March of Dimes benefit that my friend Jane was emceeing.

My hair was done, make-up on, clothing donned, but I asked anyway:

"Do you want me to stay David?"

"You won't Mom, so I won't ask."

"Are you sure?"

"Go mom."

I got in the car, immediately called my husband who supplied characteristically good advice, "Trust your gut", I turned the car around.

Walking in the door, changing into my pajamas, watching TV together, having David know that I'd put him first, and MY knowing that I'd put him first....

Lovely Jane understood.

***

Several weeks later, one of my mentors encouraged me to bring my children along as I 'dare to dream' and 'know my neighbor', or as my children call it 'dare to know your neighbor.' Because he gave me several pieces of advice, many of which I quite preferred, 'bring your children along', was noted, and forgotten.

Until one of my girlfriends gave me the same advice.

Three times in three weeks. Three different people.

Hmmm.

Is it possible that even as I attend to my children's emotional well-being at a basic level (probably better than basic), I'm excluding them from a large piece of myself, and in effect, leaving them on the doorstep of my dreams?

Courtesy of Tomaz Levstek via iStockphoto

Were I to include them more -- what would happen?

It had crossed my mind to take David to the March of Dimes benefit. Too young. He won't want to go. Too much work for me. And 11 is probably too young. But next year?

When I asked him if he would come to something like this, his answer was yes.

By taking David, we'd spend time together, I'd get to see him in a tuxedo AND we could support both Jane and The March of Dimes.

Opening the door to our children's dreams, even as we open the door to ours.

An elegant, both/and solution; Psyche would no doubt be approve.

***

As we involve and engage our children in the dreaming process, they will definitely learn from us (some good, some bad), but what can we learn from them? How do their strengths help us?

What can we learn from Susan Minot's Evening about including our children?

When have you involved your children in your dream, whether planning or executing, or both?

How did you feel? How did they?

Related posts:
Children and the call to adventure
Susan Minot's Evening
Parenting and the hero's journey
Pscyhe's 4th Task: Learn to say no
Enough

The Galadriel test

Whether it's because of Hillary Clinton's candidacy, or because I recently saw Wicked, possibly both, I've been thinking a lot about women and power.

Not so much about the 'why's' and 'what it looks like' which Psyche's 2nd task addresses...

But rather, what do we as women do, when we have power, as did Glinda the Good, and Leah's sister Rachel?

As we learn from The Lord of the Rings, the Ring itself symbolizing power -- no matter how much we may desire to do good, once we have the power to do good, this power can corrupt us.

For example, do you remember when Frodo, encouraged by Lady Galadriel's goodness and wisdom, offers her the Ring?

She wants to accept it, oh, how she wants it, saying:

"I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired to ask what you offer.
And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely!
In place of a Dark Lord you will set up a Queen.
And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night!
Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning!
Stronger than the foundations of the earth.
All shall love me and despair!

Galadriel then lifted up her hand and from the ring that she wore and stood before Frodo seeming now tall beyond measurement, and beautiful beyond enduring, terrible and worshipful.

Then she let her hand fall, and the light faded, and suddenly she laughed again, and lo! she was shrunken: a slender elf-woman, clad in simple white, whose gentle voice was soft and sad.

'I pass the test,' she said."

When we believe we are Rachel, and we all do in some contexts, what do we do with the power that redounds to us? How do we safeguard ourselves from corruption?

For women that are mothers and/or teachers, haven't we had the opportunity to make those in our care worship us? To love us and despair! All mothers and teachers have this power. How do we wield it?

How does the power handed to us change as we move from our 20's to our 30's, 40's to our 50's to our 60's?

Did Glinda the Good's power corrupt her? How?

Following up on Stacey P's comments regarding the double entendre in the lyrics 'For Good', does the power we wield change people for the better, or just 'for good'?

When was your last Galadriel test?

How did you do?

Why we are skeptical of Hillary Clinton

When I read Katharine Seelye's NY Times article titled, Women Supportive of Clinton, But Skeptical, I found myself wondering....

Why?

Why do so many want to want to vote for Hillary Clinton, but won't?

Is it a question of competence?

Most would agree she's quite capable. So -- No.

Is it because we don't agree with her politics?

Within a few seconds, I rattled off the names of several women for whom I would vote despite our differing political views. So again -- No.

If it's neither a question of competence, nor of political views, then why are we skeptical?

1) We don't identify with Senator Clinton's hero's journey -- As with Katie Couric, there's an archetypal mismatch, though for an entirely different reason.

While we don't doubt that Senator Clinton can successfully take on Psyche's four overwhelmingly difficult tasks, it feels like she's taking on the adventure for herself, not for us. That she's ready and willing to do some genuine head-butting, rather than to wait and pick up the fleece off the fence once the rams have gone home. In other words, she seems to want power, not for us, but for her. That's not the female hero's journey that resonates with us, so we can't quite get comfortable.

Ok, she's not perfect, but isn't there a double standard here?

Absolutely.

Most of us feel quite comfortable if men are ambitious and even a little bit 'naughty' -- after all, 'boys will be boys' (remember Arnold Schwarzenegger smoking his cigar in the tent near his office), but with women....

2) We want a fairy godmother -- The Princess Diaries, provides a great look at this archetype. The film stars Julie Andrews as Queen Clarisse (for anyone over the age of 40, she is the practically perfect fairy godmother Mary Poppins) preparing her granddaughter Princess Mia, played by Anne Hathaway, to ascend to the throne of the imaginary kingdom Genovia.

Princess Mia is qualified to be a princess because she's "bright, sensitive and caring," says Queen Clarisse. (Imagine Senator Clinton, let alone the male presidential candidates, described as such!) Further reinforcing the fairy godmother archetype, Queen Clarisse sings to Princess Mia:

When they tell your story,
They'll call your heart of gold your crowning glory,
The most glorious part of you

In other words, inscribed in our minds and in our hearts, is the view that a woman who leads us must be smart and capable, and most especially good and kind.

That her hero's journey, no matter how difficult, is ultimately undertaken on our behalf.

And that whether Princess Mia, Mary Poppins, or Psyche -- she'll be our fairy godmother.

If you are comfortable with Hillary Clinton, what are your thoughts on archetypes? Is there one that fits?

There was an interesting article in the Australian papers not too long ago titled When one man's ambition is another woman's evil curse, comparing and contrasting how people respond to ambition in women versus men.

Given how beloved Bill Clinton is, and what I understand to be an uncanny ability to make people feel that it is all about them, could he be the key to her winning?

What are your thoughts on other presidential candidates? Which archetypes are working for or against them?

P.S. Maureen Dowd of the New York Times published an Op-Ed piece (Oct 31 2007) titled Hilary La Francaise, Cherchez la Femme? which certainly underscores the comments (see below) made by Margaret Busse and Elizabeth Harmer-Dionne. Also interesting to read Ms. Dowd's comment, "Maybe the qualities that many find off-putting in Hillary — her opportunism, her triangulation, her ethical corner-cutting, her shifting convictions from pro-war to anti-war, her secrecy, her ruthlessness — are the same ones that make people willing to vote for a woman." May this not be true.

Matt Langdon over at The Hero Workshop recently interviewed me for his Hero Interviews.

He asked only two questions:

Who was your hero as a child and why?

Who are your heros today and why?

If you can believe it, I hadn't ever asked myself these questions, certainly not in a compare and contrast format.

My answers were surprising (the title is your hint), and thus revelatory, and I can't wait to share with you what I've learned.

In the meantime, who are your heros?

What do Bewitched, Alias and The Lord of the Rings have in common?

Matt Langdon over at The Hero Workshop recently interviewed me for his Hero Interviews.

He asked only two questions:

Who was your hero as a child and why?

Who are your heros today and why?

If you can believe it, I hadn't ever asked myself these questions, certainly not in a compare and contrast format.

My answers were surprising (the title is your hint), and thus revelatory, and I can't wait to share with you what I've learned.

In the meantime, who are your heros?