dare to dream

Watching Oprah from the U.S.

In Jeff Jacoby's Boston Globe editorial Watching Oprah from behind the veil (commenting on a NY Times piece Saudi Women Find an Unlikely Role Model - Oprah) he writes,

[Oprah] is famous for her message of confidence, self-improvement, and spiritual uplift. They [the marginalized women of the Arabian peninsula] are denied the right to make the simplest decisions, treated by law like children who cannot be trusted with authority over their own well-being...

...And so they avidly analyze Oprah's clothes and hairstyles, and circulate "dog-eared copies" of her magazine, O, and write letters telling her of their dreams and disappointments. Many undoubtedly dream of doing what she did - freeing themselves from the shackling circumstances into which they were born and rising as high as their talents can take them.

Mr. Jacoby is writing about women in the Middle East, but couldn't he be writing about women in the U.S.

It's true that I can get a job, make a decision, show my face, but am I confident, empowered?

Some days.

I own (and will continue to own) my fair share of dog-eared O magazines.  I've even entered a contest hoping to spend a few days with Oprah and her staffers.  Remember this postcard for the Miraval Spa Vacation? 

   
Here's my bottom-line:

1.  Women in the Middle East, who are marginalized, admire Oprah.
2.  If Western women admire Oprah, does this mean we feel marginalized?
3.  If this is true, why, when comparatively we have so much?
4.  More importantly, what do we do about it?

What do you think?

Is it possible that women in the Western world respond to Oprah for the same reasons that women in the Middle East do?

And if we really do get depressed, and sometimes desperate despite being placated and pampered, how can daring to dream make a difference?

P.S.   For another perspective on Jeff Jacoby's article, take a look at Barbara Torris' post Commentary on Boston Globe article on Oprah. 

Related posts:
Leah leaves the building
Three cheers for oxytocin
Some thoughts on Sarah Palin
A song to dream by:  Beautiful Flower
Enchanted anger

A song to dream by: Beautiful Flower

When I first heard India.Arie's 'Beautiful Flower', I was moved, and couldn't help but think you might be too; songs give utterance to truths about ourselves that words alone cannot. Ms. Arie's song became even more meaningful when I learned that she'd written it for the students at Oprah Winfrey's Leadership Academy for Girls.

Take a moment to listen.

What truths do you hear?

Beautiful Flower lyrics

Why we love American Idol

I freely admit it.

I love watching American Idol; I've even blogged about Melinda Doolittle.

But the fact is, my love of American Idol isn't novel or newsworthy; I'm one of 30 million plus.

So here's what I want to know:

Why do I -- why do WE -- love American Idol?

Because it's a hero's journey.

Right before our eyes we see hundreds of thousands hoping to be called to adventure, to be chosen to go on a hero's journey, and to obtain the boon. As we watch (and participate by voting), we find pieces of ourselves mirrored in the contestants, feeling as if we too are on the hero's journey.

Which is one of the reasons that Melinda Doolittle has become the frontrunner.

Sure, she can sing, she can really sing. Whether "My Funny Valentine" or "I'm a Woman", Melinda has unexpectedly moved us. Yet, she doesn't seem to know how good she is.

And so we begin to wonder, if Melinda doesn't know how talented she is, maybe we don't know how magnificent we are.

And if seemingly all-powerful Simon has discovered her, maybe we too will be discovered.

And, most especially, if Melinda, even with her quirks, can be called to adventure, and possibly obtain the boon, maybe we, with our own quirks, can be chosen too.

And isn't that a longing we all have?

Do you agree? Why or why not?

P.S. Whether Melinda wins American Idol or not, she will have been successful. By conquering her fear and insecurity, she chose to move to the center of her own life -- to be the hero of her story.

P.P.S. Our desire to be the one called to adventure (the chosen one) also explains why I was disappointed when I wasn't selected to go on Oprah's Miraval week, no matter how deserving those selected are. Just take a look at the story of Jennifer West.

Yes, in sending in the pOstcard I chose to be the hero of my story. But that longing we have for the spotlight to alight on us, to be chosen -- it runs deep!

Learning to say no

We can’t ever REALLY say yes, until we learn to say no. Attributed to Oprah Winfrey

Recently a headhunter e-mailed me asking me if I had interest in returning to Wall Street as a sell-side equity analyst. I politely declined – I’ve moved on, am taking my career in another direction.

A few days later, he e-mailed me again. “We think you’d be perfect. You could not only follow the stocks, maybe also you could manage the group.”

They want me, they really want me.

Oh, it feels so good to be wanted.

And so, rather than saying no immediately, I relished this feeling of being wanted a little longer than I needed to – when ultimately I knew my answer would be no.

And, the fact is that even allowing myself this one-day dalliance with the thought of “they like me” means I have, in some small way, closed the door on my new tasks, my own daring to dream.

Here we've dramatically downsized our lives, tightened our belts, and have lived through what have been two years of uncertainty, because we are daring to dream.

Why would I dally for even a moment?

Because it feels SOOO good to be wanted.

For you it may not be a job offer, but someone asking you to chair a volunteer committee – just one more assignment. Just one more speech. Or babysit one more time.

Do you remember Psyche’s fourth task on her hero’s journey?

Psyche must learn to say no, which in essence is learning to exercise choice. And for women whose lives are focused on care giving, actively choosing and saying “no” is especially difficult.

But as we practice saying no, Psyche and all of us are saying, this is my story. I am the hero. I will not be imposed upon or diverted as I set about to accomplish my goals. Because we cannot accomplish what we set out to do, or determine our life course until we learn to say no.

What can you say no to today?

When you say no, is it uncomfortable, awkward? Remember when we are making room for an emerging piece of our identity, it will initially feel like we're losing something. So, if you feel just a wee bit awkward, you are probably on the right track!

Is there something you want to say no to, but you haven't yet because it feels good to be wanted?

Most importantly, by saying no, what dream will you be saying yes to?

Leah leaves the building

To realize their dreams, women need to understand why they are willing to walk away from them. Anna Fels

It took a nanosecond -- less than a nanosecond.

I had just read: “O, the Oprah Magazine, announces a contest for 50 lucky women to win a spa vacation with Oprah Winfrey, filled with life lessons and little indulgences at Miraval Resort, Tucson.”

And almost before I could form the thought, “What an amazing experience; I’m going to enter,” one of those ne'er-do-well thoughts pounced, which was:

"I can’t."

Why? Does it cost money to enter?

Yep. About a dollar when I include postage.

Ok, so not really. Or at least it doesn’t have to cost much.

So why not enter? Are you embarrassed to say that you like Oprah?

How can I not like a fairy godmother?

Why then? Can you not figure out what to say on the postcard?

I guess I could just tell the truth. Something like “who wouldn’t want to spend 5 days and 4 nights with 49 women from whom I can learn and delight in, all the while observing Oprah, Gayle et al up close and personal?”

So I guess I do know what to say.

By this time I’ve peeled back so many onion layers of excuses, I’m on the verge of tears, but ready to get to the real why. Which is: I don’t think it’s okay to ask for what I want. Asking for what I want can be almost unbearably uncomfortable; the more I want something, the greater the discomfort.

Anna Fels writes: “In both the public and the private spheres…women are facing the reality that in order to be seen as feminine, they must provide or relinquish resources –including recognition—to others.” She continues, “the expectation is so deeply rooted in the culture’s ideals of femininity that it is largely unconscious.”

Maybe it’s also because no matter how successful I become, I just can’t quite believe that I’m Rachel and that I can ask for what I want. No matter how far I’ve come, Leah’s still lurking inside me.

Once I figured this out, the gauntlet had been thrown down, and I had to enter the contest.

Will I be sad if I’m not chosen from the possible 100,000+ women that enter the contest?

Of course, I’ll be sad.

But I'll be more happy than sad - because for a brief moment, Leah has left the building.

P.S. Here's the pOstcard: Thanks to Mallika Sundaramurthy, a talented up-and-coming artist, for bringing my idea to life!

sisterhood + synergy = systergy

One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interest. John Stuart Mill

This morning I read a story in The San-Jose Mercury News, my hometown newspaper, titled Woman Grows Oprah’s Gift 30-fold. In the article, reporter Truong Phuoc Khanh tells of 46-year-old Michelle Hall, one of 300+ Oprah audience members who were each gifted a $1,000 debit card, courtesy of Bank of America; their mandate was to give away $1,000 within a week.

Michelle did indeed give the money away. But the total donated wasn't $1,000, it was $30,000.

When she returned home to San Jose, she called her friends, who called their friends, who called their friends, who then approached Ikea, Orchard Supply Hardware, Beverly’s Fabric and Crafts, Mancini’s Sleepworld, and Westfield Valley Fair.

This past weekend, having already raised $15,000, Ms. Hall attended a charitable fundraiser in San Francisco. When the host Don Bleu told the crowd of her initiative, the guests dug into their pockets and contributed $14,000.

Total funds raised and, in turn, contributed to charitable causes during one week?

$30,000.

I do not know Ms. Hall, nor have I spoken with her, but I think her story illustrates quite nicely the mechanics of the Intellectual Immigration Fund, as well as the importance of systergy.

Intellectual Immigration Fund, n. Women borrow and repay loans of intellectual capital in the form of mentoring, allowing them to emigrate from one level of knowledge to another.

Systergy, n. An organization of women, who by daring and dreaming together, will make synergistic contributions to their own lives and the world.

Let’s suppose that Ms. Hall had dreamed of contributing to her community in a more meaningful way. She was already involved in one charitable organization, but she wanted to do more. So she went to the Intellectual Immigration Fund and said, “I want to make a more meaningful contribution to the community. Can you brainstorm with me on how to do this? And help me find a mentor who can teach me about charitable giving?”

Ms. Hall’s case is unique in that she had $1,000 of seed money -- and the Oprah brand that she could leverage. What isn’t, and doesn’t have to be unique, is that she was so committed to growing this $1,000 exponentially within a very specific timeframe, she was willing to draw upon the support and encouragement of others (a sisterhood – with kudos to Don Bleu), which helped her increase that original grant thirty-fold.

Having now drawn on intellectual capital, and with systergy to power her efforts, Michelle is now in a position to contribute to the community in a far more meaningful way than she has in the past. She can also become a resource for other women who want to contribute to the community through fundraising, thus recycling the intellectual capital back into the Intellectual Immigration Fund.

Many small people in many small places doing many small things can alter the face of the earth. Anonymous

Michelle Hall – you’ve altered the face of my hometown.

Atta girl!