All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story about them. Karen Blixen
Dana King shared with me a story about Molly Jackson, a young mother who, after losing her 2 year-old daughter, has found healing through her blog A Good Grief.
Ms. Jackson writes "I remember thinking there is no way I would ever be able to move past the pain, that I would never find joy again. But I have. Grief at losing a loved one isn't something you really overcome... but what you overcome is the deep feeling of self-pity and utter loss, the desire to 'give in' so that you can again live with hope."
Psychologists have indicated that we can only overcome trauma when we talk about it to someone who can bear witness to our loss. Whether we've lost a loved one, or simply traveled a boulevard of broken dreams, each of us has or will experience some seemingly unendurable loss.
A wonderful example of bearing witness has occurred over the past few weeks with this year's Resolutionary Challenge. Each day one of the participants (some of us know each other, some don't) poses a question to which we have the opportunity to respond. The questions range from 'What is your most memorable meal?" to "What would you regret twenty years from now if you didn't do it today?" to "What do you do when a loved one takes their life?" and "What do you daydream about?" In answering these questions and telling our stories, we are making discoveries about ourselves. As we have listened, there seems to be healing.
When you and I are in a place of loss, we don't dream -- because we can't. If we are in that place, then let us grieve, give voice to the trauma. Our loss will gradually give way to hope, to our dreams.
For what is dreaming if not hope manifest?
This year's Resolutionary Challenge starts on Monday.
I don't know about you, but when it comes to New Year's Resolutions, I need baby steps lest I get overwhelmed and quit after a few days. Because the Resolutionary Challenge is about the process, even if I do five of the ten tasks per day, that's 1-2 more than I would have otherwise done, and I get to feel good about myself today, in the immediate now. If I don't have such a stellar showing one day, I can re-boot the next.
There's also an on-line forum where we check in with each other; the conversations tend to be engaging, and encouraging. Bonnie White, the leader of this year's Resolution was a key contributor to our conversational community. It's quite a treat.
For more details and to deposit your $30 into the kitty, click here.
And just to sweeten the deal, if you sign up by Friday night, January 8, at midnight, you'll be eligible to win this Sarah Jane Studios print: January's Fresh Start. My gift to you.
Source: Sarah Jane Studios
P.S. Nope -- I don't get paid, or remunerated in anyway to do or be a part of this. I'm just into it because -- well -- it works.
P.P.S. Won't you be a Resolutionary?
All sorrows can be borne if you tell a story about them -- Karen Blixen
I'm eager to kick-off 2010, in part because the Resolutionary Challenge always focuses me on the immediate now and lots of small wins.
And yet as 2009 winds down, I find myself surprisingly melancholy. Perhaps because the beginning of a year, means the end of another, a year with its own hopes and dreams -- and there's a loss.
Source: istockphoto
I won't dwell on this long; maybe a day or two.
I just figured if I'm feeling some sadness, maybe you are too.
And saying it out loud always seems to make it better.
The Resolutionary Challenge begins on January 11, 2010.
I am happy to announce that Bonnie White, who was integral to the success of the 2009 Challenge, will be our helmer this year.
For more on this year's rules and to participate, click here.
If you sign up (read: pay your $30) by Friday, December 18, you will be eligible to win the 'Winter Cheer' print from Sarah Jane Studios.
Courtesy: Sarah Jane Studios
Are you ready to be a Resolutionary?
P.S. Thanks again to Heather Clayton Stake for starting this in 2008. The tweaks to my daily routine inspired by the Challenge have become foundational to my daring and dreaming -- and I've made some wonderful friends in the process.
On Friday, May 8, we had our Boston-based Resolutionary Challenge celebration at Henrietta's Table. As we sat in the springtime sunshine, the conversation turned to our love of books, and how during the course of our 12-week challenge, the online discussion of books, more than any other thread, seemed to bind us to one another, many of whom we had never met.
Is it possible that like Liesel in The Book Thief, when we share stories, especially great ones, there is an express fondness for those with whom we share, as well as a seeing of both ourselves and our shared humanity in these stories?
By request, I've compiled the list of books recommended by this year's Resolutionaries. If a book was recommended by more than (1) person, I'll include the total count in parentheses. If I've read and can recommend the book, I'll asterisk.
Happy reading!
Fiction
Historical Fiction
Earlier this week, I was interviewed by Rebecca Cressman about why 'dare to dream', what's the Resolutionary Challenge, and why do I so frequently discuss pop culture on my blog?
If you'd like to listen to the interview, click here.
Can I then be star-struck for a moment, and tell you it was fun to see archived interviews with Kelsey Nixon, who my daughter and I watched vie to be the Next Food Network Star, and Brandon Sanderson, one of my favorite fantasy-science fiction authors; I just finished his Mistborn trilogy.
I also noticed an interview with Sam Beeson who I suspect is the son of Dick Beeson, the Director of the Orem Public Library when I worked there during my last two years of college. Books, books -- and more books. And wonderful people.
One of my best jobs ever.
If you you are thinking that it was comfortable for me to share this interview with you, and you are wondering why it's easy for Whitney and not for me, it wasn't.
My initial impulse was to bury the interview as a post-script for another entry.
But, my husband, superb peer mentor that he is, kindly reminded me that if I am going to suggest you walk through your fear, I might want to walk through mine.
If you'd like to read more pontifications on topics about which I am pressed to try and live up to lest I discover myself a wholesale hypocrite, take a look at these posts.
I've thought about this post for several days, but have put it off.
Ironic, but not surprising I suppose, given the topic is perfectionism.
As a child, there were so many things I did well, I could afford to be a perfectionist. In high school it became a problem. I almost didn't take AP American History. I didn't take Calculus. Nor would I take Econ because I feared I couldn't get an 'A'. I did get 'A's in the classes I took, but in retrospect, a 'B' in Calculus, rather than no calculus at all given my chosen career, probably would have been a decent trade.
Enter the workforce.
When I got to New York, I wanted to succeed so badly, I had to square off with my perfectionism, muscling through the fear.
And I had to learn a few tricks. Like breaking things down into small enough pieces that I wouldn't be overwhelmed. Or telling myself to spend just spend 5 minutes putting everything together that I'd need, and then I could go do something else.
Courtesy: Sarah Jane Studios
Last fall I took a hiatus from blogging.
There were a number of reasons that played into this decision. One of them, which I didn't recognize at the time, had to do with the days getting shorter, the weather colder.
At night we sleep, and in that sleeping there is resolution and renewal, both physically and psychologically.
In the winter, we do something similar.
Source: istockphoto
But because we can't fully hibernate, living off our mental and physical reserves the way animals can, there needs to be some activity. Activity in which we tend to and care for ourselves. For me, my tending meant stop blogging, and participate in the Resolutionary Challenge.
It will be different for you.
We each tend to our selves differently. The how isn't important.
What matters is that we do.
And when we do, and the long winter is over, we will again burst forth with life.
Like flowers in springtime.
What are some of the things that you are doing to nurture yourself this winter?
I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years...the same way carvings on stone are worn down by water. Amy Tan
We needn't look far to observe that most very young girls have a strong sense of self or 'I'dentity -- they are connected not just to the world, but to themselves. My friend Rebecca has a daughter who brims with a sense of self; perhaps that's why I find her so winning.
And why too I can't pull myself away from this Minerva Teichert painting.
In their jubilant dancing, I see 'I'dentity bursting forth from women who are connected to themselves.
So many of the women that I know work tirelessly to connect to and care for others, to nurture and foster the 'I'dentity of husbands, boyfriends, children, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, community. We do so, in large measure, because of our deep connection to and love for God.
I've observed, however, that we struggle to connect to ourselves. I think we knew how to at some point, but have forgotten.
The 'Atta Girl' is meant to help us to remember.
I do what I do each day because of who I am. Because the good that I do is often difficult to recognize, and to name, it is sometimes hard for others, and even for me, to value my contribution. As such, there is a grace and elegance to what I do and who I am which is, in fact, changing the world.
If you are still scratching your head about my reasoning behind the Atta G'I'rl, you may want to check out the below posts:
Thank heaven for little Rachels
When our loved ones ask 'what about me?'
Looking for the 'I' in the Twilight Series
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